Time for some Pinoy boy charisma… meet & get mesmerized — here’s Mark Ang.
Let’s party this Saturday!
For discounted tickets, reserve at http://tinyurl.com/circleoflovetickets
It starts like a painless prick in the mind — HIV? Me? Nah.
Then after a while, you remember those crazy times in the past. Yeah, you think, crazy but not too crazy as to put me at risk. Besides, the probability of getting it is too low. Malinis naman sila, I’m sure. You continue to attempt convincing yourself.
Time pass and you’re mostly successful in keeping those HIV thoughts at bay. Yet there were times, admit it, that the prick in the mind becomes a bit more intense. Did I really do it bareback? Can’t remember na. May condom naman yata. Yata? Shit, can’t remember na talaga.
Now it’s selective memory lapse. You think you were safe naman, most of the time, at the least. But you can’t seem to get the doubt off your mind. Suddenly, you don’t know, it is not clear if you really were safe.
Everytime you see those three letters HIV, there’s a slight skip in your heartbeat, a little lump in your throat forming. I think I have it. Maybe I have it. What if I have it?
It’s a creepy little bastard, because like a thief in the night, it blindsides you: you have started to trim your life plans and water down your dreams to accommodate the assumption that, maybe, you think, you feel, you have it. It’s a painless thought at first, a dull feeling after a while, but the longer you stay in the dark, the heavier it feels.
You busy yourself with stuff, with work, with parties, with anything that can fill your mind and keep it from focusing on HIV. Fuck that blog, now the only thing it talks about is HIV. You distract yourself to the hilt only to find a big white snorting elephant stuck in the meandering grooves of your brain. HIV, HIV, HIV, fuck.
You search online for symptoms. Fever, flu-like symptoms, rashes, diarrhea, but not for all, sometimes none at all. Symptoms only when it has advanced to AIDS, when the body has given up, when the virus has totally taken over. Scary shit. You slam a closed fist on the table, why wasn’t I careful kasi.
You consider getting yourself tested. You’re scared like a little kid about to get spanked, closing your eyes before you hear the leather belt whip and welt your skin.
You realize there is really no way out but through. If I don’t have HIV and I’m suffering this way, fuck, I’m such a worry wart punishing myself for nothing. If I do have HIV and I’m standing here doing nothing about it, then I’m really just letting this foul-smelling fear immobilize me. Like committing the most gradual suicide by slicing myself up part-by-little-part.
Part of you triumphs saying, it’s time. It’s time to unload the baggage. It’s time to use this energy, now in the form of fear, to propel myself forward. It’s time that I face that fear, ready to battle it tooth and nail.
Have you been thinking of getting tested? Perhaps you are not ready yet for testing but you want to talk to someone about it? Here’s the event for you. First, you will find here friendly, professional, and well-trained HIV educators and counselors. And, secondly, the event is scheduled on aÂ Sunday! And very importantly, it will be held in a private (not in a government clinic) and discreet location, for your own privacy and convenience.
What: HIV Confidential Counseling and Testing – it’s FREE! No charge!
When: Sunday, 22 July 2012 (10am to 4pm)
Where: Victoria Court Malate
(2184 Madre Ignacia Street, Malate, Manila
Along Quirino Avenue, across Manila Zoo)
REGISTER HERE: http://tinyurl.com/julycheckinÂ
Rocco Nacino, himself a lover/supporter of Love Yourself, invites you to the special screening of award-winning indie film “Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa,” on Sunday, July 15, 2012. Screening times at 4 and 6:30 PM at the Love Yourself Hub, 1850 Leon Guinto Street, Malate, Manila. To reserve your tickets (P200 each), log on to http://tinyurl.com/sayaw
For so long a year now, iâ€™ve been searching for a community or a site in the internet who could possibly enlighten me about my predicament.
I am a married person, happily married I must say. Before I got married, I am the playboy in our barkada. I enjoy alot having sex with 2, 3 or 4 girls at the same time. My sex life is a wild type puro adventure.
One day, my best friend admitted to me that he is a bi. And all those years that weâ€™ve been friends he is in love with me and heâ€™s been yearning to have me in bed. He opened up everything way back when we were in college. He made his admission on the eve of the Christening of his baby kung saan ako ang kinuha niyang Ninong. Migs that night I felt pity, if that is the right word to say, to my best friend. Heâ€™s been crying because for him it is hard to open his real person specially to me.
While consoling him Migs, something went â€œwrong?â€ that I cannot say no. He began touching my nipples and kissing me. I tried to stop him pero sinabi nya â€œ Ikaw na lang ang iregalo mo sa binyag ng anak koâ€ Migs I am terribly confuse, I pity and I donâ€™t want to add insult to the situation that my best friend is in to. Thinking I have nothing to lose, Migs my best friend prevailed.
(Above is a photo of some of the pieces about to be mounted for our exhibit.)
As I was busy preparing for the male nudes photo-exhibit that will be opened today, Sunday, July 8, I received the following message from Facebook:
Hi Sir, I admire your work in pushing for HIV awareness and prevention. However, I find it strange for your group to feature/hold an exhibit that excites people sexually. Sex is the major contributor of HIV epidemic, most notably among gay men. Personally I find it ironic to hold a fundraising activity that contradicts the effort of pozzies to shy away from sex. It’s like adding insult to injury. Aren’t there any other creative methods to raise funds?
I was kind of taken aback with the thought that there was an assumption that the solution to the HIV epidemic is to shy away from sex. My first reaction to the above note was, well, sex is indeed a major contributor to the HIV epidemic, much as food is a major contributor to food poisoning — should everyone then shy away from food?
I am interested to know what your thoughts are on this, dear MGG readers. What do you think?
The Love Yourself Project, an ongoing advocacy group which aims to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS shall present â€œHow Do I Love Theeâ€ – a fund raising exhibit featuring the works of noted photo-artist Ian Felix Alquiros.
The exhibit will open on July 8, 2012 — 6 p.m. at The Love Yourself Hub located at 1850 Leon Guinto St., Malate, Manila (at the back of PWU).
The theme of â€œHow Do I Love Theeâ€ focuses on the ideals of The Love Yourself Project by propagating ideas and practices that encourage loving one’s self — to DARE to be oneself, to CARE for oneself, and to SHARE oneself as a way to multiplying joy.
The photographs, which were shot mostly in black and white, will focus on the male torso.
My dear friend, fellow gay man — if you feel that the world is too cruel, too complicated, too uncaring, too confusing, I tell you, relax and embrace the chaos. If you feel everyone else has his own thing, and that you can’t find anyone whose rhythm matches yours, keep your cool. You’re not alone with that feeling of loneliness. If you feel that there’s so much love in your heart, overflowing, yet none to overflow to, feel no regret, for there is no love that goes to waste, just love that is made to wait. If you, my dear friend, has never felt authentic love, has never allowed yourself to be vulnerable to the pains and pangs of that mysterious metamorphosis, has never bathed in the magnificence of mutual love, lose no hope. Keep this in mind, and let your heart hum this truth: That however jaded and callous you feel you already are, you can never be truly jaded nor callous. The spirit to share oneself, and the passion to connect and mingle with another’s soul can never ever be obliterated. It is the immovable, impenetrable, and unchanging principle of life. Love is inevitable.
Iâ€™m in my mid-thirties, openly gay, but not gay. Iâ€™m not sure if this letter is worthy of space on your page (not the typical sensational/romantic gay story) but Iâ€™m writing you anyway. Iâ€™m depressed, suffocating on a recent realization that Iâ€™ll forever be unhappy. Iâ€™m what contemporary society might call a reasonably successful young professional- I own and run a small venture in my hometown where I enjoy a decent amount of reputation as an educator in the private sector. Though I donâ€™t look, talk, nor dress particularly gay-ish, everybody knows Iâ€™m one and none of it has caused me any problems where my work and business are concerned. The problem however lies in two areas of my life: 1) I resent that Iâ€™m the familyâ€™s breadwinner, and; 2) I donâ€™t fall for our kind nor get the least sexually stimulated by the same.
I come from a poor family–very poor farming family! My parents are old and sickly and most of my siblings have poor farming families of their own, so the sweet burden of taking care of Nanay and Tatay falls on my shoulders. Notice I used â€œsweet,â€ but notice too how readily I called it â€œburden.â€ Because thatâ€™s what it is to me inside. I think itâ€™s so unfair that just because Iâ€™m gay and thus single, itâ€™s my sole obligation to provide for them. Iâ€™m the one with a decent job alright, and donâ€™t get me wrong, I used to take pride in my breadwinning, but my role has inevitably evolved into parent for all. Nieces and nephews run to me for baon, siblings for both important and unimportant expenses, parents for aposâ€™ whatever expenses, those over and above the usual monthly bills and daily household expenses. I know I should say no and say no I tried, but then you see helplessness in their eyes so you just reach for your wallet while complaining inside. One time I got so fed up I might have said unkind words, but when the niece who asked for fare to school and Nanay who brokered didnâ€™t say a word and just turned and cried (they were scared they might anger me more), it broke my heart so bad that I resolved never to complain audibly again. Thatâ€™s my awful situation. If I help I complain, and if I donâ€™t I get so sad.