Hi kuya migs,
I’m 18 years old and a college student, never been in a relationship.
It’s like I always prefer to be alone talk to myself, introspect, than to sit with my friends or classmates and have some chitchats, because I know to myself that I have nothing to say senseful or I’m poor on establishing a discourse that makes our subject retorika unuseful to me. Though my friends knows a fraction of the way I behave, some of my classmates always thought of Me like “mahinhin”, that’s makes my moves and actions be bounded by that thought and makes Me now use to it like its native to Me. I have a classmate, my crush, and its difficult to Me to conversate with Him, sit with Him and befriend Him, its like nahihiya ako, cause I have this mind-set “what if my friends and classmates might know that I have an eye on Him with His baby scent, towering height, fair skin, enough physique, and His stareful smile” .
Actually My main problem is that, its difficult for Me to socialize, interact, conversate, discourse and mingle to My classmates or to others . Wherein the fact is that I have a lot of ideas and topics to be shared and discussed. Its like I dont know how to bond with them. Like when attempting to start a conversation, I always feel an atmosp of awkwardness. I know it’s really weird but true. Like there’s something wrong with Me?
Talking to yourself or introspection oftenly than talking to others still normal?
I’am surely gay, not a cross-dresser, I seldom moves-of-mermaid, but I can’t deny that there’s still a man on Me.
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Thanks for your very honest email. A lot of people, not just among People Like Us, have the same insecurities and difficulties, so don’t think that you’re the only one with this issue. It’s actually very common. Truth to tell, I was once like you. My friends might get shocked reading this because most of them know only the bubbly conversationalist that I am now. Little do they know that once upon a time I was an insecure piece of wallflower.
What helped me was when I gradually shifted my focus from my internalized inadequacy to just enjoying another person’s company. I started small, with a friend, hindi muna big groups. Until, with practice, I am able to engage different kinds of people, then bigger groups, etc. You see, in talking to people, you really don’t need to discourse or have something important to say. It’s just conversation! It thrills me to interact with people. Now I do, but it was never like this from the start.
So go ahead, trust and open up. Give your attention to others, less focus on yourself, this might help you too.
And oh, regarding that boy, when you feel like it, just have a little chit-chat with him. You’ll never know what the generous universe is up its sleeves. Malay mo, dabah?
Smile, world peace!