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Hi Migs,

I was deeply attracted and had feelings for a close friend of mine who is straight but is bisexual at times. I am bisexual. me and him have been intimate with each other numerous of times but I started falling for him hard so I stopped hanging with him and talking to him for awhile and wasn’t having sex with him. well I decided to move back in at his house a couple months ago and we started back messin around here and there and now I’ve kinda caught feelings for him again. I try to shake those feelings as much as I can and try to push them to the side but it makes me want him even more. he is cool messin around from time to time but said he would never date a guy and I would love to be in a relationship with him. I don’t know what to do. I need some serious advice.

– M.N.

 

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Here’s a comment an older post got recently, which I thought was worthy to be a post in itself. It says something about how people see bisexuals: “Everyone says bi-men have (or want) the best of both worlds. But in fact we have the best of neither world.” Makes sense? What do you think? Read on for the full text:

First I want to apologize because I’m a foreigner in your wonderful country who hasn’t yet mastered Tagalog. So I can’t understand all of the original post. But I’m an older married guy and I’ve had many younger Pinoy bfs. The problem is most have seen me as a bank rather than a serious partner. My wife (who is also foreign) was very supportive when I came out to her, but that turned when she realised I could love another man. We’re separated now, although not yet divorced. We’re still good friends and I still send most of my salary to my kids (My wife’s salary isn’t enough to cover all the bills). Most bisexual guys eventually become totally gay (statistics state 90%). Now I have a house in the Philippines and I have a bf who is totally devoted to me. It’s early days in our relationship but he’s so mabait I really think he’s the one. I decided to move to the Philippines because I’ve worked with Pinoys for so long I understand much of your culture, I have a lot of friends in Pinas, and I have a severe weakness for Asian men.
But the effect on my family? My wife doesn’t want to meet another man because she can’t trust men after me. My kids love me but don’t want to visit the Philippines or see me with a bf. So yes, you can say I am selfish. But for you guys who are totally straight, or totally gay, from the very start, it’s not as cut and dried as that when you are bi. Everyone says bi-men have (or want) the best of both worlds. But in fact we have the best of neither world. I’m not after sympathy with this post. I just want you guys condemning Mike to wait until you’re in a similar situation before you drop the axe.[-Nico]

Crank your brain up… Poke your creativity… Caption this photo!

(Photo found in John Logic’s Facebook Album.)

hi migs. i’ve read one of your posts…and the comments regarding bi married man having relationship with other man. i myself is married with 2 kids and is now in a relationship with an 18 yr old guy with a lot of gf’s… this is my first relationship with another man after 12 yrs of marriage..i am his first. It isnt easy for both of us…we argue a lot… because we dont know how to handle this kind of relationship. There are lots of risk for both of us. i dont want to destroy my family and jeopardize the future of my kids. and he doesn’t want to break his 5-yr relationship with one of his gf. But more than anything we are really best of friends and we don’t want to break the bond between us… we have separated a lot of times but we keep on coming back to save the relationship… sometimes i make the first move most of the time he would say sorry and try to win me back… ron

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Hi Migz,

I’ve been planning to write you a letter, matagal na. Pero when I heard Kiko’s podcast, nagdecide na ako, eto na talaga. But how should I start? Sige na nga, the usual.
 
I’m Vincent. I’m 22 years old. As of the moment, hindi ko alam kung ano ako, but I can say na hindi ako straight. I’ve had lot of encounters na. It started when I was a kid. Nakita ko porn stuff ng dad ko. Watched it. And by then, curious na ako makakita ng tite. There even came a point na yung mga kuya ko, kapag tulog, sisilipan ko. Ewan ko. Curious lang ako siguro kung ano ang makikita ko. Tapos yung isa naming kapitbahay, pinahawak pa niya sa akin. I guess, that’s where it all started. Hindi ko na matandaan kung ano ang sunod doon. Ang alam ko lang, dahil sa internet, lalo akong na-introduce sa gay porn. Mga sites na M2M. Tapos chat. Webcam.

Yung first experience ko was inside Alta Cinema. Gusto kong malaman kung ano ba ang meron doon. Nagulat ako. Chupaan here and there. Parang may free access ka to hold anyone’s dick sa loob. Doon ako unang nachupa. Pumayag ako just for the heck of it. After I came, I ran out agad, tago. Baka makita niya mukha ko. Matapang ako sa loob kasi madilim e.

Nasundan ‘yun when a friend of mine, my so-called Kuya, asked me if I wanted to come with him sa dorm niya. Inaantok na kami pareho that time kaya sumama ako. Nung nakahiga na kame, bigla siyang yumakap tapos he confessed that he’s bisexual, tapos hinalikan ako. Hindi na ako nakapalag. Or should I say, hindi na ako pumalag. Again, for experience and curiosity. We did not have anal sex. Puro blowjob, kissing and handjob. Paguwi ko ng bahay nun, I told myself, stop na. Ayaw ko na. Pero pag itetext niya ako na makipagmeet, it’s as if wala akong magawa. Mas natatalo ng libog ang utak ko. I was 18 then. For three years siguro, occasionally, nagkikita kame. This year, sobrang dalang na. I changed my number a couple of times at hindi ko ibinibigay sa kanya, pero pag tinamaan na naman ng kalibugan, tinetext ko siya.

He’s not the only guy na natikman ko at natikman ako. There was this friend na bi. May boyfriend siya before, then they broke up. He didn’t know what I was into. (Syempre, walang nakakaalam. Actually Migs, first time ko ishare ang lahat ng ‘to.) Anyway, after my “Kuya”, this “friend” became my “parausan”. After quite some time, nagka-gf siya, ako din. So stop na kami.

Last December naman, fresh from a break up (with my girlfriend), lumabas kami ng kabarkada ko. Malayo ang bahay ko kaya nakitulog ako sa kanila. Wala akong idea na trip niya ang mga lalaki. Bigla ko na lang naramdaman ang kamay niya gumagapang. Tapos yun na. We talked about it. Wala lang sa kanya. Kahit sa akin naman, wala lang din.

You know what’s funny? For me, pag sa guys, lust lang lahat. Madami na din ako nagiging girlfriends, and sa kanila ko nakikita ang love. Pag libog, sa guys. May ganun kaya talaga? O ako lang? I have no girlfriend since September last year. One year na. And whenever wala akong gf, feeling ko, for everyone’s consumption itong junior ko. Because of G4M, I discovered the secrets of public restrooms. MRT hipuans and stuff like those. Even in resorts. Random encounters.
 
I don’t really know the point of sending you my letter, Migz. Parang wala naman kwenta e. Haha. Pero sige, send ko na din. I just felt na gusto ko i-share sa’yo buhay ko, and maybe I want to hear your views about me.
 
Thanks Migz. Hope to hear from you, soon!
Vincent

* * *

Hello Vincent,

Salamat as sulat mo, at sa pagbabahagi mo ng kuwento ng buhay mo. Sigurado ako marami ang nakaka-relate sa iyo na nagbabasa nitong blog ko. Kaya naman gusto ko ring bigyang hustisya ang effort mo by sharing with you my honest thoughts.

Let me tell you what I noticed as I read your letter. Una ay iyong element of indecision. Sa kuwento mo tungkol as escapades mo, particularly yung sa Alta at sa paglalaro-laro mo with your “Kuya,” I noticed the battle inside you — parang gusto mo na ayaw mo. Next element na na-notice ko sa kuwento mo ay ang hiya, or shame. Sabi mo tungkol dun sa kababalaghan sa Alta, “after I came, I ran out agad, (nag)tago. Baka makita… mukha ko.”

I’m taking notice of these 2 elements (indecision and shame) just so you can also start being more aware of the situation. Think about these feelings of indecision and shame, not to judge yourself with them, rather, take them as inspiration to delve deeper into yourself. Maaari mong itanong sa sarili mo, bakit nga ba ako di mapakali? Ano ba ang gusto ko sa pakikipag-sex sa lalake? Bakit ba ako nahihiya? Ano ang kahiya-hiya sa mga ginagawa ko? Bakit ito kahiya-hiya? The self-knowledge you will gain in asking these questions is very important. Mas makikilala mo ang sarili mo. Let your answers to these questions guide you to become a more empowered person.

Sinabi mo rin sa letter mo, “For me, pag sa guys, lust lang lahat. Madami na din ako nagiging girlfriends, and sa kanila ko nakikita ang love. Pag libog, sa guys.” Allow me to address this too, Vincent. Hindi ikaw ang unang tao na naringgan ko ng ganito. Meaning, hindi ka nag-iisa. There are other people who share your confusion. Tipo bang, you lust after lads, yet you love only ladies. May isa pa nga akong kilala, baliktad naman. Bading siya kasi sa lalake lang siya nai-in-love, pero admit niya na pagdating sa sex, prefer pa rin niya ang sugat kaysa sa ugat. Indeed, iba-iba tayo, at dahil dito, at dahil din sa sinabawang gulay, makulay ang buhay. So don’t worry about you being weird or dysfunctional. Keri lang, sabi nga. I have a feeling though that as you get to know more people, as you add more experience to your years, and with a little bit more effort on your journey to self-awareness, mas magiging malinaw sa iyo kung ano talaga ang gusto mo. The challenge really is about being totally honest with yourself. As long as you always prioritize truth over what other people might say, self-image, ego, etc., you’re on the right track, hijo.

Again, thank you for sharing your story to us, Vincent. I will leave you with one last thought: you do not need to explain yourself to others; but you owe it to yourself to know what really you want in life. You’re young and you have a lifetime in front of you. Grab it and enjoy the wonderful journey ahead.

I wish you more self-knowledge and more honesty with yourself.

World Peace!

Nagmamahal,

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Hi Migs,

Been reading your blog so i know im bi (married with 2 kids) – i enjoyed being with both sexes and i don’t have any problem getting one when i was younger. But since i got married, it’s more of loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.

I work in a hotel sales department and got a new assistant last month (hired and interviewed by HR). On the day he was introduced to me, we got good vibes for each other and we were so comfortable with each other right then. For the next few days and weeks, we tell each other our life stories, we went out for a picnic with my family and him with his gf (of 5 years).

Since he is 10 years my junior (I’m 31, he’s 21), i treat him like a brother – i am his mentor and confidante. But here is the dilemma – just like your latest posts here about bromance and “straight guys can’t keep off….“; we are so close and comfortable that we play around the office and off-work (sports or night-out). Sometimes if i’m on the phone or on the computer or while me driving; he would come up and tickle me, touch my thighs, my shoulders (pressing it like massage), hug me or anything contact. he is also thoughtful and sweet; he brings me chocolate sometimes and bought me a shirt after he went out for a 2-day out-of-town business trip. As for me, i try to be discreet and not show him the same way coz i know it would hurt me, or my family in the future.

But yesterday was a different story – we were out for lunch (haven’t seen him for one week – i was on vacation) and he asked me if I missed him, I then asked him if he misses me – then he said yes. We were laughing at my vacation stories and playing around the food when until he said “I love you bro!” – i was a bit surprised and i looked at him, he was serious and i told him “don’t worry, i love you too”.

So what should my next move be? ask him if he’s gay? How will i do it? Whats the best way to know if a person is bi or gay? Should i return the favor – show the same feelings he is showing me? I don’t mind if we go to bed too, he is hot and good looking (btw, he is caucasian, im halfer Fil-Can) so maybe tell me how i can seduce him.

But I dont wanna ruin our friendship if i made a wrong move.

Thanks so much!
Married Man

* * *

Hello Married Man,

I admire you for your loyalty and your commitment not to cheat on anyone. I see so much lack of integrity in this world that when I hear someone declare their loyalty and integrity, I feel so refreshed and inspired.

Your letter is riddled with red flags, but still I focus on what you say early on in your letter: “loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.” I recognize that this is my set of values latching on, resonating with yours. So take the following as it is — my desire for a world whose people are true to themselves, and are true to their promise as well.

You asked what your next move should be. Allow me then to offer my thoughts, and while this may not be agreeable to all, they are my truth, my lush, pulsating, up-to-the-minute truth:

1. Don’t shit where you eat.
2. He is your assistant.
3. You have chosen to be a loyal married man, blessed with 2 kids.

Connect the dots and you know what I’d say your next move should be. You yourself treasure the friendship. I would hold on to this. Friendship is such a beautiful thing. Not all our guy relationships should end up in bed. We are very sexual beings but we should not allow this fact to define every aspect of who we are. There are other beautiful things in life such as loyalty, integrity, family, and yes, even platonic friendships.

I know what I’m recommending is a difficult track. I wish you strength.

Migs

guysplayinbw

hi migs! Please help.

My best friend and i are both really hot guys (according to people)… We’re in great shape and straight. But we’ve started to have this weird attraction that both of us deny but we can’t seem to keep our hands off each other. Sometimes it gets sexual as we try to push each other’s limits, holding each other thighs jokingly. but we joke around talaga except what’s the line between joke o hindi?

– Ron Jr.

* * *

Dear Ron Jr.,

Whatever line you’re talking about, you have clearly crossed it. You’re confused now because you want to know if your friend also has, at least in his mind. And if you have the assurance that he indeed has, then you’ll push further and enjoy the goods. Is this just about right?

To tell you the truth, Ron, this exact thing happened to me before. My friend and I would sleep together (no sex), hang-out all the time, drink, laugh, and sometimes play-wrestle (yes touching here and there).

And where are we now? Hello, I’m now the Manila Gay Guy. And the other guy? He is a very successful corporate guy, still quite a looker but no lovelife, no GF, and he still says he’s straight. We’re still good friends till now. The last time I saw him he was in a coffee shop hanging out with 2 gay guys. He says he’s just not homophobic, that’s all. Hmmm.

I’m not saying what happened to me is the exact same thing that will happen to you. In fact I’d wish yours would go more for the “happy ending.”

And bottomline: Keep it up, and let things flow. Exciting, isn’t it?

World Peace! Mwah!

Migs

When I was little, I memorized and repeatedly recited this little poem: “Mother, mother, I am sick. Call the doctor very quick! Doctor, doctor, shall I die? No, my darling, do not cry.” This same poem came back to mind as I received the following email from Dr. Ayedee Ace (not his real name). I include below our correspondence. Interesting. Read on, and share your thoughts.

doctordrareyoubi

* * *

hi migs,

i just want to ask your opinion regarding two experiences that i had. i won’t bother you with the details though.

i had a friend in college and who was also an org mate where we usually have meetings on friday afternoons after classes. this friend of mine was rumored to be gay, although he had girlfriends in the past. during the fridays when we didn’t have any afternoon classes, he would invite me to hang out at his apartment. one time we watched the whole “Angels in America” (an HBO series) on dvd. i wasn’t familiar with it, but eventually found out it was a gay-themed mini series. this friend of mine also had an apartment mate who, just a few years ago, came out of the closet.

i also had a room mate who i had no idea was gay. i eventually found out he was one when i walked in on him with another guy in our room (that’s another story). well, we had a talk about it. i evetually told him that i had no problem with him being gay, just as long as he gave me a heads up if he was having somebody around. anyway, i guess he got more comfortable with our living situation, he even invites me to watch episodes of “Queer as Folk” and the movie “Shortbus” on his laptop with him.

my questions are, in these two situations were my friend and room mate trying to:
1. find out if i was gay too?
2. win me over to the other side?
3. make a pass at me?

or am i just paranoid?

thanks, Ayedee Ace

* * *

Hi Ayedee Ace,

Thank you for sharing. You asked me, “am I paranoid?”

I don’t know. I can answer you better if you tell me more about yourself.

By the way, are you gay? Or have some doubts that maybe there is a
possibility you are?

Migs

* * *

hi migs,

first, let me just say that i think i just gave away my identity by emailing you with my actual email account. now you can just google my name and know how i look. how careless. but any way, let’s just keep my identity between the two of us.

about me – 26, physician by profession but currently teaching in a university, middle child, 3 brothers, over-achiever (dati)

anyway, the short answer is “it’s complicated”

when i was younger, i could definitely say straight – as in breasts, vaginas, the works.

but when i reached adolescence, that’s when things got a bit … different.

you see, i was abused by an uncle when i was around 4 or 5. he was around 13 or 14 at that time. the thing was, i didn’t know that that was an inappropriate thing to do to me until i was like 11 or 12 and read about stuff like that. all the while, i thought it was nothing, although i sort of had the understanding that it wasn’t a “normal” experience. and part of me felt guilty because at that age, i actually enjoyed it. even to this day, i can still remember the sensations, even the odors, of how things went the days i was actually abused. and somehow, the memories “excited” me. it was always at the back of my mind.

i think that was when things got complicated and i started imagining doing it with the same sex. i actually had an experience with a male cousin. i won’t go into any details, but let’s just say he was the initiator. but right now he’s already married. we actually sort of had a small talk about it and he just said “mga bata pa tayo nun. di natin alam ginagawa natin.”

anyway, currently, i think i’m bi (or maybe i’m just in denial) but i want to go back to being straight again (as if there is a magic pill that can actually do that).

well, i hope this bit of info will be enough.

thanks again, Ayedee Ace

* * *

Dear Dr. Ayedee Ace,

Your first letter struck me, because while you were asking questions about the meaning of your friends’ actions, I knew in my gut you had something else in mind. Well, as you yourself revealed in your second letter, indeed there was something else. That you are bisexual, perhaps “gay but in denial,” and is wanting to become straight if at all possible.

This is what I want to tell you: self-awareness is key. It is not about labeling — bi? gay? straight? confused? For now, I tell you, it does not matter. What matters is being more and more aware of your real self. What do you want? What does your inner self tell you?

You generously shared the story about your abusive past. I congratulate you for being honest and up front about it. It is the past, and you cannot go back to change anything. It is the past, yet it gives you some way to understand how you are right now. The challenge though is realizing the following: your past is not you. Your past provides good context for better understanding of yourself, but you have a choice, you have the power of volition, and therefore can choose how your past would influence your present, and your future. You can choose to let your past be a prison cell, you can choose to let it be your scapegoat, you can choose to let it be your cloud of haze, or you can choose it to be just a story of how it was before, but not the continuing plot of your present and future story.

You are, as that poem/song says, “the captain of your ship.” And I repeat my invitation to be more self-aware. I believe awareness is self-correcting. In your journey, as you become more aware of where you are, and the direction your ship is sailing, you also become a more powerful captain, able to adjust your rudder, even bit by bit, and steer your ship to that place where you can be the best you can be.

Aye, aye, captain Ayedee! Your truth will guide you.

World Peace! – Migs

I was just talking about Bulacan in two recent posts (Oblation Run in Bulacan and Si Francis, Ikalawang Yugto) when I chanced upon this new-ish blog called tatakbulakenyo. It features photos of boys/men from Bulacan. The site depends on self-searched and reader contributions of photos and videos. In their call for contribution, it says “daring? sexy? bold? basta bulakenyo pasok ang contri mo…” I browsed through the site and as in any goldmine, you find dirt, gravel, and other minerals apart from the real thing. It actually depends on the beholder, as this time, gold doesn’t depend on molecular structure but your particular fancy. Do you like chinito boys like me? Or caramel-skinned, -er types? Perhaps the mestiso, boy next door? I’m sure you’ll find one or two that would tickle your fancy. It seems Bulacan is not just the place to buy your New Year paputok… apparently they do have some dude bombshells there as well. Hehehe! Here are some sample photos featured in the blog…

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Curious enough? Then check out the blog here.

Dear Migs,

Let me start by saying how confused I am right now. Just call me Boy. I admit that I have learned to accept who I am years ago, so I thought. I’m a straight-acting bisexual, In fact, meron din akong circle of gay and bi friends and as far as I recall, minsan ginagawa akong escort ng mga gay friends ko, kunwari boyfriend nila ako, just for the sake of fun. I’ve had previous relationships with the same sex too, but as years passed by deep inside, I realize that that was not what I wanted or something like that. Then I guess that was the start of a struggle, an inner struggle, which I find most difficult to cope with. Suddenly may fear ako naramdaman, fear of discrimination, fear na mapahiya because sa mundo ginagalawan ko presently hindi declared my other side. Why I didn’t tell them in the first place? I really don’t know…

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