Manila Gay Guy

I was having lunch with a female colleague last week, and we came to the topic of why she — at 30 — is yet to be hitched. She said something like:

Andami na kasing bakla ngayon. Kasi naman, nag-iisip na ngayon ang mga lalake. At dahil nag-iisip sila, at alam nilang nagiging accepted na ngayon ang mga bading sa society, eh nagpapaka-bading na sila. Yan ang hirap kapag pinababayaan mong mag-isip ang mga lalake. Dapat di sila pinag-iisip.

I almost fell off my chair when I heard this. (Almost, because we were sitting on the floor, Japanese-style, in a Japanese resto.) What a novel idea. Isisi ba ang pagdami ng bading sa pag-iisip ng mga lalake? Pero come to think of it, may point ang hitad.

More and more men are beginning to question their true sexuality. Unlike in years past, I would say people in general, and men in particular, have felt being given permission to rethink what they really want for themselves, disregarding (though not totally) what society would say. A sort of silent liberation from the shackles of the world’s societal expectations. So, continuing on with my lunchmate’s argument, when allowed to think, men go off and do what they really want. And sometimes, what they really want is to be gay.

Nakakatawa pero hindi ba totoo naman? Dumadami ang bading kasi mas nabibigyan ng puwang ang mga lalakeng mag-isip nang para sa sarili nila. Isipin mo na lang noong panahon nila Jose Rizal, siguro napakarami ang mga klosetang bading na di man lang nagkaroon ng chance maging totoo sa sarili nila. Andaming untapped potential energy, na kung sana’y naipon eh mas malakas pa sa nuclear bomb ang pagsabog. Tiyak blasted away ang mga Padre Damaso at sanlaksang Guardia Civil noong mga panahong iyon.

In this modern world, dahil na rin sa teknolohiya at internet, mas marami na ang (kahit na patago) nabibigyan ng chance i-express ang kanilang tunay na sexual preference. Sa ganang akin, hindi naman kailangan talagang mag-out sa buong mundo ang bawat bading. Kanya-kanyang sitwasyon yan, at kanya-kanyang diskarte (kaya dapat walang basagan ng trip, di ba?). Pero kakambyo rin ako sa pagsasabing ang mas importante ay hindi ang external announcement regarding one’s sexual preference. What is much more important is the internal acceptance of one’s self. Dito talaga sa tinatawag na self ang energy source. You bottle it up, and it becomes so difficult to tap and thus use productively. Deny it of its natural need to be expressed, then it manifests in some other, perhaps uncontrollable, unwanted way.

Masaya ako, realizing that my blog, this blog, has in some ways been instrumental in facilitating the expression of homosexuality among some gay men. Kesyo patago or out-na-out, regardless of age, social strata, physical appearance, height, weight, dimension, and complexion, many of our fellow gay men have found some way to connect to their real inner selves, as well as to many other kindred souls through MGG the blog. I know of some experiences of “great awakening” among my readers, and when I learn about their experiences (through emails they send me), I can only feel so blessed to have been given this golden opportunity to be the Manila Gay Guy. Such sweet responsibility.

So, tama ba si lunchmate sa kanyang mga kuru-kuro ukol sa sanhi ng pagdami ng bading, and may I add, sa paglaganap ng gay consciousness and preference? I would say yes, at sana nga ito ay dahil sa mas masusing pag-iisip ng mga kauri natin. Mas maganda naman talagang mabuhay na may choice, lalo na kung ang choice na ito ay pinag-isipan nang mabuti imbis na inihain lamang ng lipunan.

At sa inyo, aking dear readers, what do I ask of you? I ask you to be a little bit less judgmental, and a little bit more compassionate, especially sa ating mga kapatid na bading (o pinagsususpetsahang bading). The world is cruel enough, let’s not add to it. Instead, fill it with a little bit more love through more understanding, and more compassion especially to our brethren who share a similar life journey. Iba’t iba nga tayo ng uri ng pagkabading, pero in the end, all of us need a companion with compassion.

Concretely, what can you do? Appreciate your gay friends more, express your gratitude outwardly, it’s always good to hear when one is appreciated. For those whom we think are gay but are confused, give them some space, perhaps that’s what they need to let more oxygen flow into their brains, and thus make the right decision for themselves. And for those of you who are in the closet, push yourselves more to respect and applaud our out-and-about gay brothers or sisterettes. They are, after all, courageous souls whose flames burn bright, and whose light may just as well guide our own, maybe different, life path.

And so as I always say, World Peace! Be well my friends.

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Hi Migs, I’m William (not my real name of course). I’m 18, studying at a prestigious university here in QC. Anyway, I have trouble in processing the fact that I’m gay.

Let’s just put it this way: the househelp found out my gay porn (I know, so lame of me), and now she knows that I’m gay, and now she’s pressuring me to ‘confess’ to her. Like she’s blackmailing me.This blackmailing has forced me to rethink who I really am. Am I gay? It’s just hard to process.
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Hi Migs,

Just call me TJ, 27 yrs old at kahit papano may itsura din naman daw ako. Lumaki ako probinsya, maayos din naman ang kabuhayan namin at kahit papano nakapag-aral at nakapagtapos ako sa isang de-kalibreng unibersidad sa amin.

Bata pa lang ako ay alam ko ng iba ako sa mga ordinaryong batang lalake, pero pilit kong itinago ang pagkatao ko sa kadahilanang takot akong mabugbog o malait ako ng aking pamilya o mga kamag anak ko. Sa katunayan po nyan ako lang yata ang bading sa aming lahi kaya super takot at tago ang pagiging bading ko. Sa aming lugar kasi parang isang malaking kasiraan o di tanggap ang tinatawag nilang third sex. Kaya ako naman ay itinago ko talaga ang pagka bading ko.

Ng magtapos ako ng college, pakiramdam ko ay malaya na ako dahil pinayagan na akong magign independent ng aking mga magulang at napadpad nga ako sa Manila, masasabi ko na sa syudad ng manila ko natikman ang lahat ng sarap at hirap. 22 years old ako ng una akong makaranas ng same-sex, although nung college ako ay nakatikim din ako ng sex sa opposite sex at sigurado ako na pag nalaman ng mga naging xgf ko ang pagiging bading ko ay siguradong maloloka sila sa akin.

Nag aral ako ng abogasya at awa naman ng Dyos naka graduate din ako. Sa school namin marami ang katulad ko na patago din ang pagiging berde. May naka on ako sa kanila at ok naman, buti nalang di kami natsismis kasi pareho naman kaming nag iingat na mabulgar ang aming relasyon.

Ang problema ko sa ngayon ay gusto ko ng mag OUT sa family ko kasi kinukulit na nila akong mag asawa na kasi balak nila akong patakbuhin sa nalalapit na eleksyon. Sabi ng Tatay ko mas maganda daw pag mag asawa muna ako bago ako pumasok sa pulitika para maganda daw ang image ko sa tao as a family man. Gusto ko ng mag Out ng ako ay nagbakasyon sa pinas kaso naudlot ang plano ko dahil naunahan ako ng takot sa aking pamilya.

Kumakain kami nuon sa aming bahay at kumpleto ang family ko kaso biglang nabulol ang dila ko ng biglang mapag usapan ang nalalapit na eleksyon. kaya imbes na makapag out na ako diko na naituloy.

Natatakot akong pasukin ang mundo ng pulitika sa kadahilanang baka gamitin ng makakalaban ko ang aking pagiging bading, ayaw ko rin na makita ako sa TV sakaling manalo ako ng mga naka sex ko na dati, my gosh baka matsismis ako at ma blind item sa mga dyaryo. diko yata kaya.

Sana matulungan mo ako kung pano ang magandang gawin para makapg OUT ako sa aking pamilya bago ako tumakbo sa nalalapit na elesyon.

Lubos na nagpapasalamat,

TJ

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Here’s a short indie film (less than 10min) from Giraldi Media. Another reference to that book, “Now That You Know.” If your parents are fond of reading books, this might just be useful.

If the coming out process is difficult for gay people, it is often equally difficult for their parents. Confusion, anger, and fear frequently cause fathers and mothers of gay men and lesbians to disavow, strike out against, and even resent their children. For many parents, a child’s coming out feels like the ultimate rejection–not only of their dreams and hopes but of their own heterosexuality. In Now That You Know: A Parent’s Guide to Understanding Their Gay and Lesbian Children, Betty Fairchild and Nancy Hayward–the mothers of, respectively, a gay man and a lesbian–have charted the rough seas that almost every parent of a gay person travels.

Fairchild and Hayward presume that homosexuality is a positive good, and that it is willful ignorance and homophobia that are moral wrongs. They also believe that families can and should love all members and that it is distraught or confused parents (not their gay offspring) who must change. Mixing common sense with a firm sense of social justice and love, the authors systematically address almost all of the problems faced by parents of gay people. Answering questions on religion, AIDS, health, children, alternative families, and sex, they make the complicated gay world–often a nightmare vision for “just out” parents of gays–not only manageable but happy and nurturing. –Michael Bronski (Amazon.com Review)

Video after the jump.
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hi migs,

im bob and im 23 years old. i am working here in makati. i admit that i dont read your blog regularly because all blog sites are blocked in the office and we just recently had our internet connection back at home.

i always wanted to write you about my dilemma. i know that it is no longer unusual for you to hear stories about this but i believe you will be a big help. i’ve just heard your podcast about closet badet and i admire those three to tell those stories.

i know my sexual preference isn’t normal, as others may say. but im not pressured to come out, and shout and declare to the world that im gay, or should i say bisexual. whatever you call it. i have had 2 serious relationship with guys but im still open to have a girlfriend. i still keep on thinking of raising a family in the future but i think it will remain as a plan. i do believe that it would be unfair to the girl, and even unfair to myself considering my preference.
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Since the “Closet Badet” podcast, I’ve been receiving lots of “thank you” emails from dear MGG readers. I am overwhelmed by the expression of love and appreciation. In this world where criticism is the default, it is refreshing and encouraging to receive such gestures of thankfulness. I give it all back to you dear friends — THANK YOU for being here in MGG! And while I sometimes feel exhausted from blogging, I resolve to continue being here and hosting this wonderful community that has grown around MGG. Here are some excerpts from the emails of dear grateful readers…
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There are so many names for confusion, well because it is confusion. Here’s a letter from Rico, a confused guy who, according to him, seems to swing from homo to hetero to homo and back — just like a pendulum. Read on, and feel free to share your thoughts.

Migs,

Since pre-school I was called bayot, bading, bakla, etc. because of the way I walk and talk back then. I was bullied in school because of that. But I had never felt attracted to the same sex then. I play dolls with my older sister but I only play them because I like to write and scribble around the dolls’ bodies. I also play robots and video games with my cousins. I thought nothing was wrong with me. I had girlfriends since first year high school. This time, I do not walk and talk like a fag anymore because of puberty, I guess, and I trained my self not to act like one. But deep inside me, I really thought I’m not gay. I fantasize women. I started masturbating when I was in my sophomore year. I am into “straight” internet porn. I had a sexual encounter. But when I accidentally saw a naked man while searching for internet porn, I suddenly became aroused. Much more aroused when I see naked women. And then I started to stick to naked men. I get erections when I see actual naked men. And I asked myself for many times, “Am I gay?” And the odds started to sink into my mind.
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If you feel attracted to members of the same sex, or both sexes, but need to feel like you have accepted it within yourself, here is a guide to help you. You have found out your sexual orientation, and you are perfectly normal. Accepting who you are – and being proud of who you are – is the next step on the road to coming out of the closet, and eventually to having a successful gay or lesbian relationship. Some people have difficulty in accepting their sexual orientation, either because of personal or societal discomfort or pressure. Most people in the LGBT community know from experience that accepting your sexuality will lead to your becoming a happier, more open person.

In this guide, the term gay has been used to include all forms of homosexuality and bisexuality, whether that be people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or pansexual.
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Since “Ang Lalake sa Parola” I’ve become a fan of Lex Bonife and Joselito Altarejos. Here comes another obra from this duo, “Ang Lihim ni Antonio.” The Director’s Cut Premiere will be at the UP Film Institute on February 4, 2008 (Monday). Regular showing will start on February 13 at Robinson’s Galleria, Robinson’s Ermita and Cebu.

Antonio (Kenji Garcia) is a curious fifteen-year-old boy who is beginning to come to terms with his own sexuality. Although his straight best friend, Mike (Jiro Manio), has been supportive of his coming out, his first sexual conquest has led to the destruction of his friendship with his other best buddy, Nathan.
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Here’s a ‘thank you’ note from one of our podcast listeners… nakakataba ng puso. He relates how his friend dealt with a 13-year-old son who comes out to him. Thank you for sharing this little note of appreciation. I am sure my fellow fabcasters are all in awe with your friend’s words: “mas napamahal sa akin ngayon ang aking anak at mas naiintindihan ko ang mga nasa loob niya.” Honestly, I feel like crying. Pramis.

dear migs of mgg,

it’s a bit out-of-whack of me to say this considering it’s super-late, but it is only recently that i got to listen to your podcasts re: coming out (part 1, part 2, part 3).

i sent the podcast files to a close male friend of mine and he listened to all of them. you see, he’s a father with a 13-year old son who he suspected was gay and he has seen being very much troubled. (the boy just came out to his father this morning. and my friend, the father, didn’t go to work to spend the day with his son.)
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