Been reading your blog so i know im bi (married with 2 kids) – i enjoyed being with both sexes and i don’t have any problem getting one when i was younger. But since i got married, it’s more of loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.
I work in a hotel sales department and got a new assistant last month (hired and interviewed by HR). On the day he was introduced to me, we got good vibes for each other and we were so comfortable with each other right then. For the next few days and weeks, we tell each other our life stories, we went out for a picnic with my family and him with his gf (of 5 years).
Since he is 10 years my junior (I’m 31, he’s 21), i treat him like a brother – i am his mentor and confidante. But here is the dilemma – just like your latest posts here about bromance and “straight guys can’t keep off….“; we are so close and comfortable that we play around the office and off-work (sports or night-out). Sometimes if i’m on the phone or on the computer or while me driving; he would come up and tickle me, touch my thighs, my shoulders (pressing it like massage), hug me or anything contact. he is also thoughtful and sweet; he brings me chocolate sometimes and bought me a shirt after he went out for a 2-day out-of-town business trip. As for me, i try to be discreet and not show him the same way coz i know it would hurt me, or my family in the future.
But yesterday was a different story – we were out for lunch (haven’t seen him for one week – i was on vacation) and he asked me if I missed him, I then asked him if he misses me – then he said yes. We were laughing at my vacation stories and playing around the food when until he said “I love you bro!” – i was a bit surprised and i looked at him, he was serious and i told him “don’t worry, i love you too”.
So what should my next move be? ask him if he’s gay? How will i do it? Whats the best way to know if a person is bi or gay? Should i return the favor – show the same feelings he is showing me? I don’t mind if we go to bed too, he is hot and good looking (btw, he is caucasian, im halfer Fil-Can) so maybe tell me how i can seduce him.
But I dont wanna ruin our friendship if i made a wrong move.
Thanks so much!
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Hello Married Man,
I admire you for your loyalty and your commitment not to cheat on anyone. I see so much lack of integrity in this world that when I hear someone declare their loyalty and integrity, I feel so refreshed and inspired.
Your letter is riddled with red flags, but still I focus on what you say early on in your letter: “loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.” I recognize that this is my set of values latching on, resonating with yours. So take the following as it is — my desire for a world whose people are true to themselves, and are true to their promise as well.
You asked what your next move should be. Allow me then to offer my thoughts, and while this may not be agreeable to all, they are my truth, my lush, pulsating, up-to-the-minute truth:
1. Don’t shit where you eat.
2. He is your assistant.
3. You have chosen to be a loyal married man, blessed with 2 kids.
Connect the dots and you know what I’d say your next move should be. You yourself treasure the friendship. I would hold on to this. Friendship is such a beautiful thing. Not all our guy relationships should end up in bed. We are very sexual beings but we should not allow this fact to define every aspect of who we are. There are other beautiful things in life such as loyalty, integrity, family, and yes, even platonic friendships.
I know what I’m recommending is a difficult track. I wish you strength.