Let me start by saying how confused I am right now. Just call me Boy. I admit that I have learned to accept who I am years ago, so I thought. I’m a straight-acting bisexual, In fact, meron din akong circle of gay and bi friends and as far as I recall, minsan ginagawa akong escort ng mga gay friends ko, kunwari boyfriend nila ako, just for the sake of fun. I’ve had previous relationships with the same sex too, but as years passed by deep inside, I realize that that was not what I wanted or something like that. Then I guess that was the start of a struggle, an inner struggle, which I find most difficult to cope with. Suddenly may fear ako naramdaman, fear of discrimination, fear na mapahiya because sa mundo ginagalawan ko presently hindi declared my other side. Why I didn’t tell them in the first place? I really don’t know…

I thought at first ok lang yun na di nila malaman, sa family, sa work,etc. I told myself na hindi big deal yun sa akin pero later on I’ve realized parang meron spike pag naiiisip ko na what if mag-cross path yung mga gay friends and my straight friends. During one instance, my gay friend called me and told me na one of our common straight friend was inquiring if I was gay kase there were rumors na ganun.

That’s where the spike came… bakit may rumors? Then deep inside naapektuhan ako talaga ako. I thought bakit nung early 20’s ko ok lang na tangapin ko sa sarili ko na ganun ako , in fact, like what ive said before, nagkaroon din ako ng relationship sa kapwa lalake ko, and I have learned to love, to feel happiness and be hurt, just the norms pero bakit ngayon takot ako na malaman ng buong mundo kung sino ako. Migs I wrote this letter not as a viewer of your blog but as a friend seeking advice or someone I can talk to without inhibitions or who would just simply listen to my voice.

Thanks Migs and more power.
Boy

Hello Boy,

Sometime ago when we were younger, perhaps in your case, it was in your 20s, we felt POWERFUL. You were powerful enough to jump and accept yourself at that age. You felt powerful enough to have even thought that you can control the events of your life and the happenings in this world such that no one will know about your “deep, dark little secret.”

Now that you have matured a little bit more, you are realizing that there really are certain things that you cannot control — and I’m specifically referring to the one you cited, the rumors milling around about your sexuality. You are not LESS powerful now than before — you are just more honest and realistic, you are just more aware.

Knowing that other people are talking behind your back is indeed unsettling. I can totally understand it when you said “takot ako na malaman ng buong mundo kung sino ako.” Many of us have felt this way, including myself. I invite you to reflect more and deepen your awareness on why you feel this way, why you feel scared about people knowing the TRUTH about yourself. It seems to me that them knowing you are gay or bi is not really what scares you — perhaps it’s what you imagine they take as next steps that scare you: the rejection? the jeering? the discrimination? But let me underline what I just said. What you are scared of is what you IMAGINE they do after knowing who you really are. Take a step back and ponder on these.

In the end I hope you realize that you are still that powerful individual who took the jump and accepted yourself sometime in your 20s. I would even say that after going through this, now, you are even MORE powerful — you are more accepting of yourself and others, you are more aware of yourself and of the things around you, and as a result, you are more grounded.

And so if after all your reflection, what should you do if you are still bothered by the “spike”? One word: KEBS. You are powerful, you can “KEBS”. (If you do not know what KEBS means, just ask any friendly gay guy. KEBS is the shortened form of KEBER.”)

You are powerful, Boy.

Migs

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Jay told me how a certain Photoshop expert named Paolo stole the original Dave Rebolledo pics from his office’s computer (Paolo worked in Jay’s office for a time), and “adjusted” the photos to show Dave in the buff. He swears how good this Paolo is in Photoshop that he can do that kind of magic.

To prove to me that he was indeed the photographer of the original, un-Photoshopped photos, he sent the following images that came from the same set.

Along with the photos was Jay’s statement:

Attached are the two photos from Dave’s set. They are from the same set as those which had been photoshopped by Paolo ******. I would want to show you the originals which had been the basis of Paolo’s fakes, but these were all lost when the HD which Paolo took without my permission got corrupted from improper handling. These two survived because they were selected and copied for the short list which Dave wanted to use for his setcards and photos.

Considering this, and judging from Dave’s infamous shots, that Paolo must really be a Photoshop Guru of sorts. The photos look so authentic! Jay mentioned somebody saying something like “Paolo has feelings for Dave since their college days,” — but whatever the intent of the supposed propaganda is, it’s, in my opinion, immaterial at the moment. The logic of doing such escapes me, and I’ll just let it be.

Of course, amidst all these hullaballoo, the victim left in the cold is no other than Dave himself. I asked Jay how Dave is taking all these, and he replied, “ayun, depressed. Pinatawag na nga siya ng HR ng company nila to explain.” I feel for the guy.

Dave, if you are reading this, know that regardless whether those nude shots were authentic or not, I, Migs the Manila Gay Guy, symphatizes with you during this very tough time. I’m familiar with such feeling and I can say it’s really the pits. Remember though what that famous folktale says: “this too shall pass.” Let me add, too: Fire is the Test of Gold; Adversity, of Strong Men.

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The kapatids will kill to have this voice and talent. Amazing, amazing, amazing — that’s Nick Pitera.

What would I give if I could live
Outta these waters?
What would I pay to spend a day
Warm on the sand?

Betcha on land they understand
Bet they don’t reprimand their daughters
Bright young women, sick of swimmin’
Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know
Ask ‘em my questions and get some answers
What’s a fire, and why does it
What’s the word? Burn

When’s it my turn?
Wouldn’t I love?
Love to explore that shore up above
Out of the sea, wish I could be
Part of that world

PLUS another fantastic performance (One Sweet Day):

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I’m Bashful, 27, and a reader of your blog for about two years now. I am writing to ask for your opinion about a taboo matter: exhibitionism.

I know, my nickname indicates otherwise, but aside from the risk of being exposed to the rest of the world–especially on the web–I have no problem showing my “baby anaconda” to other guys who are simply horny peeping toms. Blame it on today’s technology; in this decade almost everyone has a digicam, web cam, camera phone, etc. I am not a street flasher, but I have masturbated (or appeared with a hard-on) in internet chat rooms, and in public places such as school, public transport, malls, workplace, etc.

The very first time that I’ve tried close to “exposing” myself was when I was in high school in the late 90s, when my parents bought a handy video camera. I filmed myself a mini porn clip, pleasuring myself in the video. It was extremely titillating yet guilt-inducing experience. I was about 14 years old then, and I let the Video8 tape record till I came. I watched my amateur porn clip over and over, and found myself aroused by myself doing it on film. As a child, I’d realized that my dick size was above average because I’ve seen my classmates’ dicks during PhysEd classes. On video, I was quite pleased with my private part’s magnified image. However, since it was also strange for a kid to be doing that, I quickly deleted the clip after multiple playback.

When camera phones and digicams became standard, especially during this decade, I found myself taking photos of my hard dick. (I know a lot of people–straight or gay–have done that, too.) Most of my pictures were taken when I was extremely horny. I would save the images in my computer, and I’d exchange nude pics with other guys that I meet. When MMS became cheap, I also started swapping photos of my cock through mobile phones with other guys. The recipients would salivate at the my pictures, and it would please me to no end. The idea of other guys enjoying my cock’s photos or videos and using my images as masturbatory inspiration had made (and still makes) me super horny. I’ve taken photos of my jacking off in my bedroom, in the car, the bus, in a public restroom, etc. I’ve deleted the bulk of them, but kept some for myself, and to share with other guys later. Please know that I am not in-love with myself or my dick (God, I wish I had a better body, like Dennis Trillo’s), but it really excites me whenever I think I can be seen by other guys (especially the cute ones) with my hard-on or while masturbating.

Often, I have masturbated in cinemas (mostly in the Ortigas & QC areas, but never in those dingy theaters ha!), strategically positioning myself to hide from the film-goers/guards/cinema staff, but tactically allowing myself to be “accidentally exposed” to guys with cock on their minds. I’ve been given a blow job in the movie house as well, and Ive let other guys watch it being done for me, and/or they wait to participate in it later on. (I know, that’s a dangerous thing to do in the cinema, but thankfully, I’ve never been hurt by anyone nor caught by the roving guards). I’ve had a hard-on while changing clothes in the university gym, and let other students see it. I have jerked off in the bus, and taken pictures of myself. If there’s another horny guy riding the same bus, I probably have done it in his presence to “entertain” him. (Hey, I’m a people-pleaser, in a perverted kind of way.) Heck, back in college during ROTC, there were times that I chose not to wear underwear and went commando, and I remember that some of the guys had noticed my bulge, especially when “baby anaconda” got a little excited with all the rubbing.

A few years ago, I have once posted some photos of my hard cock in one of those “rate this dick” websites, just for kicks (I had them removed later). I also have experienced chatting on YM and on a popular sex chat room with web cam, and have performed sporadic “shows” there, receiving extremely “encouraging” comments to continue titillating the guys over and over (and many times, indecent proposals). Whenever I do “shows”, I feel obligated to entertain the horny gay population in a particular chat room. The bad thing is, sometimes I forget that people can also record those video feeds, and there’s a possibility that I may be exposed on The Buzz someday. (I actually have a friend who’d been videotaped and whose video had been uploaded to Xtube without his consent, which he later settled with the website administrators. Interestingly, I have uploaded a couple of my own triple-X videos on Xtube–again just for kicks–but those videos don’t show my face in order to protect my identity. Just the thought of hundreds of gay guys across the globe can view my dick still excites me to the bone. I’d give you the link, Migs, if you’re interested. Ha ha!)

Just recently, I came out to a new gay acquaintance who I knew has a crush on me, so that I could show him my hard cock pictures and jack-off videos (an act which he appreciated so much, even if he has a boyfriend). That makes me a little guilty, though, turning him into a sex slave and all (his terminology, not mine), but I always choose to skip that feeling whenever I’m horny and I just want to share my throbbing dick to a needy gay guy. Even my best friend (who knows about my orientation) has seen my dick photos and videos in my mobile–unintentionally, of course–when he was checking out my phone. He didn’t judge me, but he wanted me to be more careful with those images and protect myself (a very good advice, actually).

I am a well-educated yet bashful and private person (I have received undergraduate and postgraduate diplomas from two of the top four universities in our country) with a Catholic upbringing. Most people still think of me as an introverted nerd. But I am also a “sexhibitionist”, in a way that I get really turned on by exposing myself to other (preferably similarly cute, discreet, gay) guys, jacking off and cumming in their presence. So, I’m a walking dichotomy. (As Britney would sing, “I’m not that innocent.”) Is that so bad?

Thanks for taking time to read my letter.

Best regards,
Bashful

Hi Bashful,

No worries, you’re good. I’m sure the folks here are eager to see that anaconda of yours. Hahaha!

Migs

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Do you remember your first pride march?

I do. I’m sure we all do. And if you haven’t had the opportunity to participate in one yet, this year’s the perfect time to do so.

This years Pride March is a tribute to our rights, our lives, our loves and our selves. It’s also the celebration of the 10 years of Filipino rainbow pride. It’s a perfect 10 for the success of the past pride marches, and the anticipated one of this year’s. Hence, the theme is A decade of dignity: our rights, our lives, our loves, our selves.

The Pride March is known for its overwhelming attendance. It attracts thousands of participants and generates extensive local and international media attention. This year’s Pride March is also more particularly significant as it coincides with the celebration of the 60th year of the United Nations Universal Declaration of Human Rights and the launch in Manila of the Yogyakarta Principles (www.yogyakartaprinciples.org), an international declaration which affirms that sexual orientation and gender identity and expression as fundamental human rights.

But we can’t do it without your help. Community member or supporter, we could all contribute to make this year’s pride march a milestone for our country’s history.

How you can help

There are a lot of ways to help. Right now, the Task Force Pride in the process of organizing and mobilizing the actual march. Tentatively slated for December 5 or 6, the actual march will be surrounded by a lot of activities and programs.

I, together with my friends from Lunduyan ng Sining am officially in charge of the program committee and so my first call is to find people who will:

1. Perform – we are in need of program performers. Any act or talent you want to share is welcome! These will be for the pre-pride party (tentatively slated Nov. 29, 2008) and for the post-pride program (right after the pride march of December 5 or 6, 2008). If you feel you can bring it, contact Peach at 0917-5392742.

However, there are a lot of other ways you can help too:

1. Volunteer – we are in need of volunteer committee members. If you think you can help in any which way possible, please drop us a line at tfpmanila@yahoo.com or tfpmanila@gmail.com.
2. Help us gather funds – Task Force Pride has always been operating through the funds of generous donors and sponsors, as well as contributions of the participants. If you have contacts of rainbow-friendly individuals, companies, donors, sponsors, bars, etc., please let Dee know at divamanila@yahoo.com or 0918-2507470.
3. Contribute – if you can contribute yourself, in terms of finances or even a venue for us to hold our programs and briefings, let us know! Contact Dee at divamanila@yahoo.com or 0918-2507470.
4. Participate in the march – If you need more information on how you, your organization, your friends or your family can participate in the march, contact Bruce at bruce.amoroto@gmail.com. (See the call for participation)
5. Repost this call! Help us spread the love. Feel free to repost this entry onto your own blogs, or send it to your friends, officemates, etc.

How you can keep updated

While we are in the process of finalizing our website, you can keep yourself updated on what’s going on by logging on to www.pridemanila.wordpress.com.

Thanks and we hope to see you at the march!

Peach Natividad

for Lunduyan ng Sining

Program Committee Head

Taskforce Pride 2008

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Aljarreau “Al” Galang, 6-foot-1 stunner is featured back here at MGG, with photos by Ash Castro (Post-processing by Ian Felix Alquiros).

Al comes from San Diego, California in the US but has settled back here in Manila as a Bikram Yoga instructor. He took up Political Science and Art History at the University of California – Los Angeles. Al was the second runner-up in Mossimo Bikini Summit 2007 and is rumored to be the boyfriend of ETC host Sam Oh.

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I was listening intently to the workshop facilitator, he was intense and passionate yet almost oblivious to the power his words held. I knew he was about to say something important. And then it hit me, that question, “is there anything in your past that you have intellectually set aside — and yet, emotionally, you know it’s still there, bothering you, blocking you, preventing you from being your best self?” It hit me like electricity zapping into my chest. It zapped to life something I held dormant inside.

I know myself as someone who, if the situation called for it, can be very clinical about things, even with my personal experiences. Given, however, that chance to go back and fetch some unprocessed memories, and the threat that perhaps unconsciously, my blocks come from those I’ve arrogantly intellectually set aside — I was just so ready to admit that yes, there is this one simple emotional memory that is still there lurking, bumping, jiggling inside me. And now it is making its way to my consciousness — and I am just guessing — for a reason.

What is that emotional memory?

It was this: an aunt, chubby, with fair rosy white cheeks, but pimply, shiny and oily, her head crowned with brown curly locks, and her puckered lips unnaturally bloody red, exaggerated with cheap chappy lipstick, talking to my mother, saying, almost complaining, this fateful remark:

“Bakla ba yang batang yan? Bakit parang ang lamya yata?!”

Yes, my aunt was referring to me.

She was referring to me, at 6 or 7 years old. Yes, me.

… me, who from then on, started to resent her presence, and her voice, even if she was mouthing about something so different from that fateful remark.

… me, who started getting jitters when I knew I would be attending family gatherings because that meant being in the same place as her.

… me, who at that tender age, started to overcompensate, to unconsciously put myself on overdrive so that when they talk about me, they will say something else other than my being gay.

… me, who then eventually went to become the “family genius”.

… me, who is the only one in the clan that would be able to win 2 high school scholarships, and eventually go to the prestigious Philippine Science High School.

… me, who is the only one in the clan that would eventually go to the flagship campus of the country’s premiere State University.

… me, who is the only one in the clan that would eventually graduate with honors and more.

… me, who is the only one in the clan that would eventually be applauded by an international audience of Ph.D.’s, industry experts, and topnotch academicians when I presented my graduate thesis work, that eventually was published as a paper in a respected scientific journal.

… me, who is the one in the clan that would eventually be the family’s “poster boy” of success, everyone’s go-to-relative when their pockets run empty and the needs pressing.

… me, the boy who was still my aunt’s prisoner many years after hearing those fateful words.

It took just that powerful nudge, an invitation to look back and examine my blocks. It made me recognize the existence of that one emotional memory that made a prisoner out of me. While it fueled my drive to success, I realize that that happening now deserves to be put to rest. That from now on, I shall be operating on a much more aware and purposeful level. That success to compensate for my sexual preference should be no more; that my journey in this world should not be about hiding my homosexuality by the bigness of my success — rather, I should travel my journey simply to be the best I can be, to do the best I could, for my own growth, my self-actualization, and for sustaining my capacity to help, to give of myself, to be a relevant, significant, contributing, and functional member of the society I am in.

I wrote this post in the hopes of paying it forward. I am so edified with the process, and thought that maybe you too can learn a thing or two about yourself by asking that same question. “Is there anything in your past that you have intellectually set aside — and yet, emotionally, you know it’s still there, bothering you, blocking you, preventing you from being your best self?”

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ManilaGayGuy.com’s Events Calendar is now online! It features gay-related events in Manila (and sometimes outside Manila, within the Philippines) ranging from movie premieres, indie or otherwise, parties, launches, sales, exhibits, etc. — as long as they are of interest to Manila’s gay population, it can be included here. While it occupies a prominent individual page, a mini-version of the calendar is also posted at the sidebar of this blog. Lookey-lookey at the right sidebar and hover your cursor over the calendar to see the events on specific dates. Click on the dates to see details of the events.

For event organizers, or just anyone who would like to have gay-interest events posted here, simply write me an email [manilagayguy(AT)gmail(DOT)com] or send me a message through the contacts page. Please do not forget the event title, event date(s), and venue. This is another public service brought to you by Migs the Manila Gay Guy – charoz! World Peace, you all!

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I was driving along EDSA one day, with a date. He was good looking, a smart conversationalist, very personable, and was *totally* straight-acting (meaning, does not have traces of femininity in the way he conducted himself — speaking, acting, dressing up, etc.). Very interesting, right?

Then this thing happens. He sees a billboard of JC de Vera, and I hear a shriek. A shriek. First time in my life that I heard I shriek, but when I heard it, I knew it was a shriek. A loud, sharp, shrill sound, somewhere in between a cry and a laughter. That’s what a shriek is.

From then on, I knew him much better. Thanks to JC. And by the way, coming up, shriek-inducing shirtless photos of the boy. Enjoy!

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Twenty-two year-old Chinz Wendell Ching, while modelling, is actually an interior designer, a graduate of the University of Santo Tomas in Manila. He describes himself as “an extrovert, I don’t mind being surrounded by people. For me every person has a story to tell and on my part a lesson to learn.” Very well said, Chinz. Here at MGG, you are constantly (virtually) surrounded by people who have, I betcha my bottom dollar, stories — loads of stories — to tell, you just wait, hehehe!

Enjoy Chinz’s photos people, shot by various photographers. Chinz has agreed that I post his photos here. So be kind naman, ok? Remember, world peace!

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