I am Randall (not my real name though), 20 years of age, studying in one of the best universities in the Philippines. I accidentally saw your site when Wanda Ilusyunada was featured on Y Speak. It was 2007 if my memory serves me right. I one by one checked his Pink Mafia (his friends) and there you were. The green-ish and glittering Manila Gay Guide site I saw that time. Hehe. Of all the sites I visited in the list, indeed, you have the most sensible topics and I must say very updated. From then on, there was no day that I will not click a new tab to browse your site every time I am online. I love everything on your site. The best part? The true-to-life letters and the candid comments of the people.
Hi Migs, I’m William (not my real name of course). I’m 18, studying at a prestigious university here in QC. Anyway, I have trouble in processing the fact that I’m gay.
Let’s just put it this way: the househelp found out my gay porn (I know, so lame of me), and now she knows that I’m gay, and now she’s pressuring me to ‘confess’ to her. Like she’s blackmailing me.This blackmailing has forced me to rethink who I really am. Am I gay? It’s just hard to process.
I just want to share my problem. I think my 7-year-old son is gay… I started noticing his behavior when he was about 5 yrs. old… I don’t know how to deal with it. Is there a group or doctor that I can approach? Thanks!
Hi Verna, homosexuality is not a disease nor is it a psychological disorder, thus your son doesn’t need a doctor. What he needs, just like any child, is your unconditional love and understanding. You wrote your letter of concern and that alone shows how much you love your son. I am not here to say that he is really gay, but if he actually turns out to be one, there is one thing I can assure you: if you love and understand him unconditionally, if you respect and give him your support whatever he wants to be, he will honor you and will make you proud.
Also, I have a friend named Stella who I thought is in your same situation. I asked her to give you some advise as well. Here is what she sent me to pass on to you:
My son is 7 as well and grew up around women. To him, toy guns were like hair blowers that he’d seen parloristas use when they’d do mommy’s or lola’s hair. Kris Aquino was someone he looked up to, and someone he wanted to be (we once caught him wrapping the towel around him like a tube dress, and it shocked us).
He’s 7, and I suspect he’s turning gay. But then again, I could be wrong. While many of my gay friends suspect he is such, as they themselves had passed through that road, I’d like to think his being a “softie” has something to do with the fact that he was brought up by a strong, single mom, and grew up in a household of loud, domineering females. Let me tell you that I grew up in an orthodox background. My father is a missionary, and to him homosexuality is a sin. I’d like to think having gone to UP, I am so much more enlightened and all-embracing, which is why I never insisted on my son that he live up to society’s expectations of masculinity. When he was five and wanted me to buy him kitchen toys, I bought a set–only not in pink so the rest of the household wouldn’t get shocked (and I tell you, it was difficult to look for a kitchen set that wasn’t pink!).
I’ve never considered seeing a doctor because I didn’t want my son to be treated like a specimen. But I turned to my gay friends, people whom I thought would best understand my son growing up, and I learned to let my son be, to allow him to explore, to reach his full potential, even go beyond it. Now that he is 8 and learning about the rights of a child, he came home one day and demanded of me to respect his “right to express himself.” That was a lesson in itself. I have no right to insist on what he wants to be. It is his life after all.
People may say I’m in denial, but I don’t know myself if my son will turn out gay or not. He tells me he feels different when he sees girls in skimpy outfits (I had to launch an impromptu talk about erection), but he has an impeccable fashion sense that’s a lot of help to his fashion-clueless mother. He enjoys being pampered in a spa or a salon. He chooses his own shampoo (Sunsilk) and his own soap (Olay) and body wash (Dial lavender). He has style that I haven’t seen the boys/men in my life exhibit.
So what I am saying is, live and let live. Don’t castigate. Be ever loving. Avoid dialogues like “Boys do this and girls do that.” (My UP-educated self shudders at such conversations.) Instead, present society’s idea of what boys and girls should act, but remind him that choosing to be something other than what we usually see isn’t really wrong. It’s just different. I know that I am trying to bring him up as someone who is loving, kind, and respectful of men and women alike. I think that is the best thing that should matter.
There’s been enough repression in mankind’s history. It’s about time we let live.
How about you dear readers? You surely had some notable experience growing up as gay boys with your moms. What would you advise our dear mothers here, Verna and Stella?
I’m sure there are other parents out there who at this moment are quite clueless on what to do with their observations similar to Verna and Stella, sons or daughters who are growing up and showing signs of being gay. What would you tell them?
[Here’s a letter / contribution of Coffee Boy]
“Hey, just wanted to ask, are you gay, bisexual or something?” then I replied, “that… I’m not particularly sure of… I have a gf, but to be honest, I enjoy ‘it’ with men. No labels. Ikaw?” – then I got cold silence as a reply.
It was the 30th day of my birthday month, though still in the middle of the week, the following day was the end of Ramadan and thus was declared a holiday. I got nothing to do that payday afternoon and so I decided to just hang around. Walking along Timog / Tomas Morato area with no one and with literally nothing to do, I decided to go to one of my favorite spa places and pamper myself with an hour and a half long massage.