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Hi Migs,

I stumbled upon your site a few days ago and I haven’t been able to stop browsing since then. I would just like to share my story since tons of people have written you already I figured that I’d try it too haha.

I am an openly gay 20 year old nursing student and I would just like to share a little story that happened to me during the past year. I had this classmate back in 2007 when I was in 3rd year college and I had a crush on him. He was skinny, kinda nerdy and kept to himself. We eventually became friend’s coz we were always in the same group. Our surnames are near kasi and since we were spending lots of time together I eventually fell for him and I even told him how I felt. He said it was okay and that he was straight that’s why he can’t reciprocate my feelings, which was fine because I wasn’t expecting him to anyway. He also had a girlfriend back then which sucked big-time.

I wrote tons of poems about him and posted them on my multiply account knowing that he could read them didn’t bother me at all. He even commented on a few saying how touched he was etc. We texted each other all the time, chatted on ym till morning and even went out, just the two of us. He was the one who was asking me out to watch movies, I mean, what do you expect right? Of course I fell deeper. He knows how I feel about him yet he still does these things that make me feel like, him and I could be possible. I said “I love you“to him while we chatted or texted and he would say I love you back. This brought happiness to me and that is why I loved him more and more each day. We fought a few times about stupid stuff and he made a poem about me. He even used my middle name as the title. My girlfriends were so jealous of me. Sila daw never pa ginawan ng tula ng lalake tapos ako. Isang bakla. Ginagawan ng tula.

We had one major fight where I got jealous of his girlfriend and he got pissed at me. We didn’t talk for a week but he texted me eventually saying sorry kais he needed space daw. I mean.. HE NEEDS SPACE!? Haha! He said he was getting confused daw. Sometimes daw he file like we were doing things only a couple would do. And I got mad be because I NEVER assumed anything. I did love him more but I never told my friends na “oh my God parang kami” or something like that. I respected him. I didn’t even think about him sexually. All I wanted was to be with him all day. He and his gf broke up after a few months too.

We eventually made up and became friends again, and then my birthday came. I held a party at my house and I invited all my friend and him too. He didn’t greet me the entire morning which really got me down. Then at around 10pm a friend of mine came and said he had a surprise for me and there he was behind him. Holding a gift for me while holding is arms up. I was such a mess. I was so happy and I even said to him that this was my best birthday ever. Then a friend of mine started passing the mic around.

each person will describe me daw etc etc and he was the last one to speak. Everybody was silent and my parents were just inside the house so they could hear everything he said. He said thank you for bringing excitement to his life. I was the reason why he’s happy daw. I made him a better person daw. I opened up the world to him daw. I was crying so hard while hugging a friend of mine and he was crying too. I was just so happy to hear him say those things. He needed to go home eventually so he said goodbye, happy birthday, hugged me and kissed me on t he cheek then after that evening? Nothing. He never texted again. Ever. He never logged in his ym. It was like he disappeared. I was so depressed and confused. I refused to call or text him coz I felt like he made himself clear. I didn’t want to become desperate. I failed all my subjects after that. I was drinking everyday and never slept for 2 whole months. He buzzed my ym 5 months after my birthday asking how I was. He asked if he was the reason why I failed 4th year college. I asked him what happened and he said that he didn’t know how to begin again after what happened during my party. He broke my heart. This was the first time I fell in love and this is what I got.. It’s been 9 months now and I am still a wreck. I don’t know what to do anymore. He passed the board exams recently and I really felt shitty coz while I am still depressed its like nothing happened to him.. I feel really pathetic now and all I Want to do is forget him but it’s not easy.

Sorry for the long letter. I really tried to keep it short. I just wanted to ask your opinion about him, what I should do now and how to build up my world again. Thank you so much for taking time to hear my whining haha it really means a lot.

Thanks a bunch and God bless!

Jek

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Hi Jek,

I call your boy a “Wonder Boy” because he’s such a source of wonder for you — wonder because you love him, and wonder because you don’t understand him.

Alam mo Jek, we don’t need to fully understand someone to know what to do with them. Hindi na natin kailangan pang uriratin kung nabakla mo ba si Wonder Boy o hindi, kung minahal ka ba niya o hindi, kung ginamit, pinaglaruan, o binale wala ka niya. Hindi na importante ang mga katanungang iyon.

Tama na ang panahon, lakas, at luhang naibuhos mo para sa kanya. Marami ang nagmamahal sa iyo, ang kulang na lang ay mahalin mo ang sarili mo. Take charge of your life, hija. Oras na para ang bigyang pansin mo naman ay ang sarili mo. Bakla, anuman ang sabihin ng iba, maganda ka. Pero sa ngayon ay nakukulapulan ito ng kasawian kay Wonder Boy. Hayaan mong imbitahin kitang hubarin ang nakadagang pag-aalinlangan, at tuluyan mo nang kitilin ang pagnanasa mo sa kanya. Saka mo mauulinigan ang panaghoy ng sarili mong tinig. Ikaw muna, Jek. It’s your time. Give your beauty a chance to shine once more.

Bigyang pansin mo ang ganda mo. Ang edukasyon mo. Ang kinabukasan mo. At sa paraang ito, unti-unting kikinang muli ang alindog mo. Pasasaan ba’t may muling magpaparamdam sa iyo ng pagmamahal at pagkalinga? Basta’t huwag mong kakalimutan – maganda ka.

Yun lang.

Kumembot ka’t ngumiti,

Migs

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