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Allow me to publish this note I received from a mother named Jennifer, who’s just beaming with pride because of her son. Jennifer – I am so proud of you! Dear readers, send Jennifer a dose of your rainbow thoughts and wishes!

Dear Migs,

Last week, my 7-year-old was on the football field happily holding hand with another little boy. After the game, as we were returning home, I asked him if he is gay. He said yes. I asked him if the neighbor girl was still his girlfriend. He said, “we’re just friends”. I explained that some people like boys and girls, and asked if he did. He replied, “I kind of like girls, but I’m gay”. I consider this a parenting win. I’m so proud that my child feels safe saying, “I’m gay”, without fear of judgement from his parents.

Jennifer

Mike and Mark

Mike and Mark are twins. Both are good looking, and share almost all God-given gifts and talents (okay, okay, including a decent-sized, e.g. 7-in, man-meat). Both behave very straight (meaning, butch), both very manly. Assume all things between them are equal, except for one thing: Mike is 100% straight (meaning, he only falls in love with real women), and Mark is 100% gay (meaning, he only falls in love with men, straight or otherwise).

Given the chance to have sex with one, and ONLY ONE of them, who would you choose? Mike (straight) or Mark (gay)?

Comment in your answers! (For your vote to be counted, it should be categorical — either Mike or Mark — and not “both” – huwag gahaman, beki!) Feel free to explain your answer. Go!

Hi Migs!

I just want to share my problem. I think my 7-year-old son is gay… I started noticing his behavior when he was about 5 yrs. old… I don’t know how to deal with it. Is there a group or doctor that I can approach? Thanks!

Verna

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maximocuHi Verna, homosexuality is not a disease nor is it a psychological disorder, thus your son doesn’t need a doctor. What he needs, just like any child, is your unconditional love and understanding. You wrote your letter of concern and that alone shows how much you love your son. I am not here to say that he is really gay, but if he actually turns out to be one, there is one thing I can assure you: if you love and understand him unconditionally, if you respect and give him your support whatever he wants to be, he will honor you and will make you proud.

Also, I have a friend named Stella who I thought is in your same situation. I asked her to give you some advise as well. Here is what she sent me to pass on to you:

Dear Verna,

My son is 7 as well and grew up around women. To him, toy guns were like hair blowers that he’d seen parloristas use when they’d do mommy’s or lola’s hair. Kris Aquino was someone he looked up to, and someone he wanted to be (we once caught him wrapping the towel around him like a tube dress, and it shocked us).

He’s 7, and I suspect he’s turning gay. But then again, I could be wrong. While many of my gay friends suspect he is such, as they themselves had passed through that road, I’d like to think his being a “softie” has something to do with the fact that he was brought up by a strong, single mom, and grew up in a household of loud, domineering females. Let me tell you that I grew up in an orthodox background. My father is a missionary, and to him homosexuality is a sin. I’d like to think having gone to UP, I am so much more enlightened and all-embracing, which is why I never insisted on my son that he live up to society’s expectations of masculinity. When he was five and wanted me to buy him kitchen toys, I bought a set–only not in pink so the rest of the household wouldn’t get shocked (and I tell you, it was difficult to look for a kitchen set that wasn’t pink!).

I’ve never considered seeing a doctor because I didn’t want my son to be treated like a specimen. But I turned to my gay friends, people whom I thought would best understand my son growing up, and I learned to let my son be, to allow him to explore, to reach his full potential, even go beyond it. Now that he is 8 and learning about the rights of a child, he came home one day and demanded of me to respect his “right to express himself.” That was a lesson in itself. I have no right to insist on what he wants to be. It is his life after all.

People may say I’m in denial, but I don’t know myself if my son will turn out gay or not. He tells me he feels different when he sees girls in skimpy outfits (I had to launch an impromptu talk about erection), but he has an impeccable fashion sense that’s a lot of help to his fashion-clueless mother. He enjoys being pampered in a spa or a salon. He chooses his own shampoo (Sunsilk) and his own soap (Olay) and body wash (Dial lavender). He has style that I haven’t seen the boys/men in my life exhibit.

So what I am saying is, live and let live. Don’t castigate. Be ever loving. Avoid dialogues like “Boys do this and girls do that.” (My UP-educated self shudders at such conversations.) Instead, present society’s idea of what boys and girls should act, but remind him that choosing to be something other than what we usually see isn’t really wrong. It’s just different. I know that I am trying to bring him up as someone who is loving, kind, and respectful of men and women alike. I think that is the best thing that should matter.

There’s been enough repression in mankind’s history. It’s about time we let live.

Stella

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How about you dear readers? You surely had some notable experience growing up as gay boys with your moms. What would you advise our dear mothers here, Verna and Stella?

I’m sure there are other parents out there who at this moment are quite clueless on what to do with their observations similar to Verna and Stella, sons or daughters who are growing up and showing signs of being gay. What would you tell them?

2456065971_abeb760907Hi Pre Migs!

Dumating na time ko to tell you about myself. I am happily married with one kid. I’ve been working abroad for more than 15 yrs na. Since pagkabata, I know myself na may pagka-berde ang dugo ko, pero since then I’ve kept it to myself, the other side of me. I have a very loving and understanding wife, ika nga, what more can I ask for?

Before I got married and even while married, I had relationships with the opposite and the same sex. Ganun siguro pag malayo kayo sa isa’t isa ng asawa mo. My wife kasi is also working outside the country, nasa US siya. Ako naman, nag-Saudi for 4 years, then went to Dubai where I worked for 10 years. Year 2005 when i went home to Pinas and decided na di na bumalik ng Dubai.

Noong nasa Pilipinas na ako, okay ang lahat kahit wala ang asawa ko (nasa US nga siya). Dahil doon, natuto ako na makipagtext with the same sex, and makipag-meet and, the usual, have sex. Going to massage parlors, gay bars and Fahrenheit ang naging hobby ko.

Early last year, I came to the point na gusto ko nang magpakamatay sa sobrang guilt ko dahil sa kasalanan ko kay God and to my wife. Parang di ko na kaya. Pero God was still there to help me. May of last year I got an email from a friend in Africa asking me if I want to work again pero sa Africa nga. Sabi ko sige para new environment and para matigil sa mga ginagawa kong mali dyan sa Pinas. Sa ngayon, nandito ako, solo sa Africa at nagta-trabaho. Pero honestly hinahanap-hanap ko ang mga boys dyan sa atin.

Till next time. World Peace!

Your Pre,
JAKE

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When someone approaches you, a gay man, married with a wife and perhaps a kid or two, saying he feels guilty yet he clearly has a penchant for men, what do you do? What do you tell him?

Do you tell him: stop your philandering and be straight with your wife! That he should deny his real self coming out because he has committed himself to a woman?

Do you tell him: it’s okay, be yourself.That he has to prioritize who he really is, and that his marriage to a woman was in the first place a mistake he made out of foolish thoughts and assumptions?

Do you tell him: you’re a fuckin’ mess, you son of a bitch! This to a man who has enough self-hatred as to even consider suicide?

Do you tell him: hate the sin, not the sinner. This to someone who may not even be able to distinguish between the two? Because much as he tried for years to pluck out the sin from the sinner, even marrying a girl in the hopes that his being gay may just magically fade away, the sinner is still left sinful and, the sin not a tad faded but as clear, even more, as it has ever been before?

Tell me, dear friends in this blog, how do we deal with gay married men?