I’m a member of MGG for more than 5 yrs. now and I’ve read so many good articles, subjects and suggestions from our fellow members and mind you, they are all interesting, informative and some are mind-boggling.

Why not compile those articles into a book, lalo na yung mga humihingi sa iyo ng payo pag may hinala sila sa kanilang mga lalake. It could be a good reference book not only for the academia but also for those nalilito at hindi na alam ang dapat gawin.

I could lend a hand in clerical jobs. I’m presently working here in Saudi as a sexy-tary.

Good Luck & God Bless!

Pat3zia

Dear Kapatid na Pat3zia,

Mabuhay! Ganda ng name mo ha, may numeral na kasama, nakakaloka. Maraming salamat sa iyong pagsulat, napagod ang mga electrons ng email mo at naglakbay pa sila mula sa disyerto ng Saudi, binagtas ang iba’t ibang kontinente, gumewang-gewang sa mga undersea cables ng mga karagatan, upang ipahatid sa akin ang iyong pagmamahal.

Pero, `teh, halatang china-charing mo ako. I’m sure naman na with all good intentions. Kasi Ate Pat3zia, hindi maaaring limang taon ka na nagbabasa ng MGG. Magti-3-years-old pa lang po ang MGG the blog. (Ay, siyangapala, sa August 28 ang 3rd Anniversary ng blog na ito! Mabu-hey! Tenkyu naman!)

Pero sa kabila ng pag-charing mo sa akin, na-appreciate ko ang offer of help mo. Hayaan mo’t pag-iisipan ng lola mo ang iyong suhestiyones. In the meantime, tulungan mo akong ipagdiwang nang bonggang-bongga ang ika-3 anibersaryo ng blog na ito. Any suggestions?

Boom-chaka-lak!

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We’re still friends though, close – at times too close (yes, we fuck) but non-comittal. I broke up with him because (for some reason) I couldn’t see myself living with him 24/7 for life.

He is a decent guy though. Loyal.

But when I broke up with him a year ago, it was only then that he revealed that he was raped at gunpoint early 2008 at KSA, Riyadh.

When he went home late 2008 I was in the US. When I came back early 2009, we met up at times and occassionaly had intercourse (for old time’s sake – - and I was horny ok.) But I was firm that I really did not see us getting married or living together as a couple.

It ws also at this time that he revealed that he was raped when he was in 2nd year high school by their male househelp who caught him watching porn. He said that the househelp threatened to tell his parents that he was watching porn & so he was blackmailed and was raped.

It only happened once after that since he always had with him a knife or was it a large wooden stick to whack the househelp if ever the househelp came near.

He said he only told me this now because he didn’t want me to think lowly of him because he felt dirty, that he always felt dirty.

The only thing I remembered him reveal early on in our relationship was that he was molested by his male gay cousin when he was in high school.

He also said – in a fit of emotional outburst – that he wanted to get married so that he could forget all these which happened to him.

He declares that he is not gay.

Currently, he is working somewhere in Manila. he said that he has an officemate whom he thinks is gay because one time, that man told him point blank while they were left alone in a room — “masarap ba umupo sa lap mo?”

My friend said he excused himself & that he left the room immediately.

I asked him why it seems he is attracting these guys? In fairness, he is attracting some girls too.

Mr. MGG, i really do not know what to ask.
I know that having same sex relations does not make one gay. (or does it?)
But how does one know if one is indeed gay? or in denial?
Could it be possible if one is gay but doesnt know it?
What do you think of the above situation? What do you think of what my friend went through?
I love him dearly, but not as a boyfriend but as a dear dear friend. I do not know how I can help him. I hope you could offer some suggestionS?

Thanks very much MGG.

Sincerely,
Imelda

Dear Imelda,

With your questions, I’m quite sure you are curious to know whether or not your ex is gay. I am curious too, and perhaps tons of my readers are curious. But my heart tells me our curiosity is not what is called for right now.

Your ex, now your good friend, does not need another curious person to pry, analyze, dissect his sexuality. Clearly your friend has sustained scars that have yet to heal, and I can only wish he overcomes those traumatic life events with the least amount of damage. Given that, I’d say he needs your acceptance, understanding, and love.

We do not need to figure out everything about someone to accept him, respect him, or love him.

I wish you both the best. And if you have the chance, the next time you give him a friendly hug, can you make it just a bit tighter, just a bit longer, and can you please do it for me? “Mr. MGG” wants to give him a comforting hug without him even knowing.

- Migs

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I would like to ask something, i am seeking answers na hindi ko inakala sa gay community ko mahahanap..i mean hopefully mahanap.

I have adopted brothers they are twins actually, mula ng mamatay parents nila, kami na nag alaga, i was in grade school then (Grade 6), both are boys when their parents left them to us.Halos sa amin na sila lumaki, lahat ng merun ako merun din sila, my mom and dad treated them so well na as if tunay silang mga anak. I never wanted at first to be called as Kuya, i preferred to be called TITO instead…ewan ko bakit…time passed, halos nakikita ko na sila lumalaki…i was in highschool when one of the twins decided to move in my room, so roomates na kami nung isang adopted brother ko, i was 17 then at 9 years old na sila…the one who move into my room suddenly naging close kami, he wanna learned mga bagay ba alam ko(guitar, keyboard, drawings, etc), naging mas malambing xa sakin kesa sa isa nyang kaptid nya…we talked before going to sleep, he likes my choice of songs too…Sinamahan ko pa sila to have their ‘Tuli” and linisin ito everynight to heal.

College days na, since malayu college from our town, nagdorm nalang ako at madalang nako makauwi…bibihira na kami magusap, magkwentuhan, magbonding..pero pag umuuwi ako, i always make quality time for both of them, play station, malling etc…naging kuya ako sknila for all those years…but they call me tito as my preference.

after college, i got a job in manila, 7 days after graduation, nagwork nako, lalong naging madalang pag uwi ko ng province, never had time to communicate with them too…pero gaya ng dati, pag nakakauwi ako, i always make quality time. Tinutulungan sila sa homeworks, projects, etc..if they want anything, binibili ko nman no questions ask…what i noticed sa huling uwi ko of that month 4 years ago, parang sobrang namis ako nung isa(my roomate), na to the point nakakatulog na xa on my chest (na dati nya gngwa when he was a kid pa). I ignored it, hndi ko nilagyan ng malice yun migs kasi nga gawain nya nung bata pa siya…he was 14 years old that time.Sunday of that month 4 years ago, umuwi ako ng nakainum, inantay nya ko till 3:00am, hndi daw xa makatulog…sabi ko tabi nalang xa sa kma ko…which gnwa naman nya…i was tipsy but not drank that sunday morning, but i was totally exhausted and tired, kaya nakatulog kagad siguro ako, ng malingat ako, i felt my brother’s hand moving inside my shorts (i dont want to elaborate pa kung anu gngwa nya), pinalo ko kamay nya, yet he did not stop so i let him nalang…hindi ko na siya sinuway, maybe part of it, nagustuhan kona din…

After that, hndi na nya ako kinausap, for 4 years. 17 years old na xa ngaun, no matter how i tried to talk to him, hndi parin nya ako kiankausap, as if i dont exist. Hindi na nya kinkuha mga bagay bagay na binili ko para sknya(well i alyways buy in pairs, kasi kamabal sila), for the past four years, ganun trato nya skin… hinayaan ko lang migs…but last december of 2008,new year i tried to talk to him again and surpisingly, he responded. Signal na OK na kami…till now i always ask him why he ignored me for the past four years and what did i do to treat me that way…sagot nya?”Wala lang”…

for the past four years na hndi kami ng uusap, ni isa sa mga bday ko hndi nya ako binati, but this year, he texted me ” Happy Bday” with his name written…i asked him kung xa ba tlga nagtext nung message na un and he replied ‘yes” but he cant seem to look me in the eye…

nahihiwagaan ako migs, is my brother starting to like me???
one more thing, ngaun ok na kami ulit, napansin ko bgla akong naging sensitive sa mga nrrmdamn nya, i mean, parang lagi ko xa gusto i please…am i starting to like him too?

thanks…kahit anu maippayo mo tatanwin kong malaking utang na loob.

Kuya

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Hi Migs,

I’m a big fan of your site. I always read whatever you put there. I’m the guy that hates drama hehehehe. I’ve been wanting to write you for the longest time but can’t find good story to share until yesterday Nov 8, 2008.

I’m currently in Malaysia for a short visit. Yesterday I went to see the Petronas out of curiosity because I’ve been hearing a lot of good words from people who see it and also from the movies.

I arrived there around 4PM. I took their MRT system and alighted at KLCC station which is just below the PETRONAS. I passed by SURIA KLCC mall home of branded clothing lines. Im not really sure where Im going that time so I just followed the Mall and voila I ended up at the side of Petronas.

Petronas is all metal! hehehehe nothing really fancy except that it is really Huge. I took pictures and tried to find a good spot to capture the beauty of the building. There were loads of tourist there and some were really in an awkward position just to get a good picture. One guy caught my attention. He’s really good looking and he’s really the type of guy that I want to flirt with. I’m more into English guys cause i find them really really cute and flirty..hehehehehehe. Anyways, I was there for almost 10mins and didnt have yet a good shot. Then this really good looking guy came and seat near where im taking pictures of the building. Nung una patay malisya kunwari, then somebody approached me to take their pictures. which I obliged because Im a firm believer of Karma…plus I think its a good “catch phrase to use” hehehehe.. So after I finished taking pictures of the couple, langya ginawa talaga akong photographer. I was like taking their pictures at all angles of the building but then again I didnt complain because somehow “Alam ko may mangyayaring maganda”. Then I went back to the same place where the really good looking guy was still seated. So I seated near him and started to like find some angles of my shot. Nung una hesistant ako to ask him kasi alam mo na baka magalit or something but because I really really wanted to start a conversation I asked him “Is it alright if you take my pictures then I’ll take your pictures?” with my British accent hehehehe. Pandaya lang yun para kunwari magaling mag-English. He immediately said yes. Then we took turns to take our pictures. We took 2 each. Then we returned to seat again.

And then we started talking. He’s a British-Canadian guy. He’s just in Malaysia for transit and just came from Bali where he did lots and lots of surfing. We talked about a lots of stuff from Football to Geography to Filipina women. We’ve been talking like for 45mins already when he said that he needed to go because he still needs to catch “Quantum of Solace” then he asked me if I wanted to come. Since I didn’t really have any plans after my Petronas I said yes. We walked for almost 20mins just to reach the cinema,since pareho kaming NEWBIE sa Malaysia. Then we caught the 530pm screening. The movie ended up like 730pm. I’m really enjoying his company so after the movie I didn’t really want to go home. He asked me again if I wanted to join him to go bar hopping. He said may nakita syang magandang lugar by searching sa internet na malapit sa area where he is staying. (Hindi sya marunong mag tagalog ha..hehehe). So I agreed that I can stay until 1030 because the last train going back to where im staying is 11PM. We proceeded then to his hotel to change, kc naka-shorts and t-shirt lang siya. I politely said that Ill just wait downstairs, kc baka kung ano pa isipin. hehehehehe…

After 5 mins he came down looking even more gorgeous and smells very nice too.Pumunta n kami sa place and there we learn what the place is famous for : MASSAGE PARLOR… we were like laughing the whole time because the whole place were loaded with different kinds of SPA. So naglakad pa kami until we reached the next street AYUN! mga bars na talaga. We drink and dine at PLANET HOLLYWOOD and have like a Barrell of Beer, Pizza and chicken for the two of us. We really had good fun while eating , drinking and watching FOOTBALL match. Again, the conversation was really really nice. I learned that he’s NUCLEAR PHYSICIST! wtf!????? From his looks I was really caught unaware because he’s really gorgeous and model looking. We finished around 11PM then we decided that I should stay na lang sa room nya since I already missed the last trip. So itinuloy na lang namin yung bar hopping. Lipat lipat kami ng bar and lahat may pint ng beer.

Around 2PM we decided to call it quits kc lakas na ng tama niya. Sobrang dami kasi ng nainom na niya. Upon reaching the room, he asked me kung gusto ko raw “Gay Position” kami sa pagtulog. Di ko alam isasagot ko I just said “You are scaring me now”. To be honest Migs first time kong ginawa ito. I’ve never done this in my entire life pero because I really enjoyed his company plus lahat ng fantasies ko sa isang guy nasa kanya : English, former Army, Intelligent and most of all Good looking I did it. “I chose the GUY POSITION”. So we ended up sleeping in one bed. He slept topless at lalo akong humanga! Washboard ABS! pero I controlled myself. Talagang nag-isip ako if I want to do it or not. He was there lying half naked drunk…..I can’t sleep..Ano ba dapat kong gawin? Like I said this is all new to me. Akala ko ganun lang kadali yun based sa lahat ng mga nababasa ko at napapanud. but I decided to choose na walang mangyari. I know we have something special pero ayaw kong masira…..Paggising ko may halong sisi…kc all night I waited for him to make the first move…I think he also waited for me to make the first move…pero ayaw ko talagang masira kung anong meron na kami.

Lumipad na sya today papuntang Australia kasi may job interview pa siya….and I stayed here in Malaysia….medyo nalulungkot pero umaasa na magkita kami ulit…hehehehe Hindi naman drama medyo may halong pagsisi lang..but i know we started something special….

Tapos i heard the song Love Comes from the Most Unexpected Places…sabi tama nga no.. I wasn’t really looking for anything when I went to Petronas but I ended up having a good memory that I will remember for the rest of my life. Alam ko hindi pa tapos ang aming story….

Thank you Migs.. Gusto kong mabasa reactions ng mga readers ng blog mo kc natutuwa talaga ako sa mga comments minsan.

More Power

ILoveChris now ILoveAlec
Nov. 9, 2008

Hi Migs,

He emailed back and we’re planning to see each other again on the 17th. Do you think I should go for it this time?

Cheers
IloveAlec
Nov. 11, 2008

Hi Migs,

We saw again each other last monday Nov 17. We stayed again in the same hotel shared the bills. We went out again and had a really really wonderful night together. It was one of the happiest moments of my life for the longest time. I thought it would never end.

Then when we were about to sleep I asked a silly question “I said, hey man can i Hug you?” he said “No” very loud. I said “Ok sorry”. Then few minutes later i heard him say “Hey man yes you can hug me now.” I was sooooooooooooooo happy. I was hugging him for 10mins when he said something. I said no. He said If i want to do it we can……..i was preparing for a week for the moment to come…but when it was there…i was confused……I didnt want sex… I want a relationship..which is so silly of me………

He’s now in Thailand enjoying the last part of his vacation. He’ll stay there for a month. I’m planning to go to Thailand again to see him and see where it goes. I really really liked him so much. We exchanged personal things and im becoming more and more “Drama Queen” which I really really hate.. You know smelling his shirt..Memories of our last night together still haunts….hahahahahaha.

But then again, I never expected something like this will happen ..I always said he’s just the icing on the cake, i enjoyed the cake so much. Hey Ho! Life is beautiful.

Thanks Migs and more power. Enjoy your holiday.

Cheers
ILoveAlec
Nov. 20, 2008

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Let me start by saying how confused I am right now. Just call me Boy. I admit that I have learned to accept who I am years ago, so I thought. I’m a straight-acting bisexual, In fact, meron din akong circle of gay and bi friends and as far as I recall, minsan ginagawa akong escort ng mga gay friends ko, kunwari boyfriend nila ako, just for the sake of fun. I’ve had previous relationships with the same sex too, but as years passed by deep inside, I realize that that was not what I wanted or something like that. Then I guess that was the start of a struggle, an inner struggle, which I find most difficult to cope with. Suddenly may fear ako naramdaman, fear of discrimination, fear na mapahiya because sa mundo ginagalawan ko presently hindi declared my other side. Why I didn’t tell them in the first place? I really don’t know…

I thought at first ok lang yun na di nila malaman, sa family, sa work,etc. I told myself na hindi big deal yun sa akin pero later on I’ve realized parang meron spike pag naiiisip ko na what if mag-cross path yung mga gay friends and my straight friends. During one instance, my gay friend called me and told me na one of our common straight friend was inquiring if I was gay kase there were rumors na ganun.

That’s where the spike came… bakit may rumors? Then deep inside naapektuhan ako talaga ako. I thought bakit nung early 20’s ko ok lang na tangapin ko sa sarili ko na ganun ako , in fact, like what ive said before, nagkaroon din ako ng relationship sa kapwa lalake ko, and I have learned to love, to feel happiness and be hurt, just the norms pero bakit ngayon takot ako na malaman ng buong mundo kung sino ako. Migs I wrote this letter not as a viewer of your blog but as a friend seeking advice or someone I can talk to without inhibitions or who would just simply listen to my voice.

Thanks Migs and more power.
Boy

Hello Boy,

Sometime ago when we were younger, perhaps in your case, it was in your 20s, we felt POWERFUL. You were powerful enough to jump and accept yourself at that age. You felt powerful enough to have even thought that you can control the events of your life and the happenings in this world such that no one will know about your “deep, dark little secret.”

Now that you have matured a little bit more, you are realizing that there really are certain things that you cannot control — and I’m specifically referring to the one you cited, the rumors milling around about your sexuality. You are not LESS powerful now than before — you are just more honest and realistic, you are just more aware.

Knowing that other people are talking behind your back is indeed unsettling. I can totally understand it when you said “takot ako na malaman ng buong mundo kung sino ako.” Many of us have felt this way, including myself. I invite you to reflect more and deepen your awareness on why you feel this way, why you feel scared about people knowing the TRUTH about yourself. It seems to me that them knowing you are gay or bi is not really what scares you — perhaps it’s what you imagine they take as next steps that scare you: the rejection? the jeering? the discrimination? But let me underline what I just said. What you are scared of is what you IMAGINE they do after knowing who you really are. Take a step back and ponder on these.

In the end I hope you realize that you are still that powerful individual who took the jump and accepted yourself sometime in your 20s. I would even say that after going through this, now, you are even MORE powerful — you are more accepting of yourself and others, you are more aware of yourself and of the things around you, and as a result, you are more grounded.

And so if after all your reflection, what should you do if you are still bothered by the “spike”? One word: KEBS. You are powerful, you can “KEBS”. (If you do not know what KEBS means, just ask any friendly gay guy. KEBS is the shortened form of KEBER.”)

You are powerful, Boy.

Migs

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Dear Migs,

Greetings from Dubai!

I am a straight-acting gay guy. I became more discreet here because I was afraid that I might find difficulties to find friends if I show my other side. I don’t have relatives or even friends that know me that can help if in case they will not accept me. Everything was new to me and everything was so hard pretending to be like others.

After a year since I came, I woke up one morning on my colleague’s arms after a long drinking session. He was Richard, (I thought) a straight-acting like me. As far as I can remember he initiated everything. I can still remember how many kiss marks he did to my neck and some parts of my upper body on that time.

We become good friends after. We have so much time together and enjoyed almost every minute of it. We went for coffee, clubbing, watch movies, eat together. We sleep together in one single bed and have some intimate moments occasionally. We even attended one orgy session and picked up a man from a dance club and brought him to our room. But we’re both top, we don’t suck cocks (for ugly men, hehehe..!). I thought, were both gays.

What shocked me most for these past few weeks was his girlfriend, she was pregnant. I allowed him to court the girl because I thought that it is his way to show others his masculinity. I was shocked because he fucked a lady, gets pregnant and the worse is they are in Dubai. Getting pregnant here in Dubai before marriage is a crime. They will put you in jail for several months and will be subjected for deportation.

When I confronted Richard of what had happened, he just answered me “napasubo.” Migs, although I am not directly involved in the situation, I cared so much for them. They’re both my friends and I don’t want them to make a step that will add on their problems. Please help.

Migs, these are my concerns that needs to be settled ASAP:

1. Were planning to abort the child before it’s too late, is it right?

2. Not all knows that they are into relationships; they decided to hide it because they were tease by people here. They know Robert that is gay. The girlfriend is suspecting now that Richard is really gay and she asked me if it’s true. Do I tell her the truth?

3. Should I distance myself from Richard? He needs me more this time.

4. And lastly, why this happened? A straight lady deserves a straight man, quoted from your previous blogs.

MrCens
Dubai, UAE

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Yes, I have been partnered with “Dee” for 10 years now. He’s an American, a lawyer, divorced twice (he thought he was bisexual, but finally came out gay and wouldn’t have anything more to do with women), and have been told that he has Richard Gere looks. I agree. We met when I was still living in Manila and he was visiting for a conference. It was love at first sight, a la Miss Saigon. But like Chris leaving Kim, he left too – only, he came back a year later.

Over the course of 2 years, when he went back to the US and I continued my life in Manila (I was doing my grad school at UP Diliman while teaching at UP Manila), we had a long distance relationship. We emailed each other everyday, phoned each other weekly, and yes, even had phone sex once in a while. This was 10 years ago. We now live together here in California and have a happy, fulfilled life. I can’t ask for more: Dee is very supportive and understanding; loving and caring. The sex life is great!

Only, we have a 21-year age gap. That really did not bother me at all – it did bother some of my friends. Over the years, because of his background in racial conflict as a lawyer, he knew he had to bridge the age gap if we were to become equal as partners in our relationship. I would say what really helped is that we work together professionally and therefore, we get to see each other not only in the light of our personal relationship but also as two capable individuals in our work sphere. When we met, I was a virgin – yes, believe it or not, I was still a virgin at the age of 27. I fell in love with mostly straight boys and of course, they were all unrequited love. But that’s all in the past – I’m happily partnered with Dee.

And happily involved with Andrew. Just half a year ago, Dee thought that he doesn’t want me to grow old (I’m now 37) and regret that I never had any relationship with other men. He was willing to explore an open relationship – only for me, he himself is satisfied with me as his partner. So, after thinking about it hard (I am no longer a practicing Catholic and therefore, the Catholic guilt is not an issue), I posted an online personals ad. That’s how I met Andrew: a handsome, blue-eyed, blonde 46-year old American psychotherapist; of dancer’s built (he dances, bikes and hikes to keep fit); sweet; charming; and basically, a dream. We started going out together – he knows I am partnered and will always have Dee as my primary partner, but needed to experience having a boyfriend to enrich my personal life. We go out to movies; he takes me to parties; and yes, we have become intimate sexually. All of these Dee knows. In fact, they’ve met already – when Andrew had an art show (he also paints). Andrew thanked Dee for being flexible – and Dee said that he had to be because of the big age gap. They both said it was a warm meeting.

It feels good to be 17 again – and not have the baggage of youth. Also, it feels good to have a boyfriend – and not think of “what if”. I don’t have to worry about the future – I already have the future (Dee) mixed with the present (Andrew). I am enjoying both worlds.

I am not saying this is for everybody, Migs. It is not. And you know what, I think the only reason this works is because Andrew himself is in a committed, open relationship with another man. They have been together for 26 years. How post-modern, don’t you agree? Andrew goes out with me because right now, he and Ty are on a trial separation: they haven’t had sex with each other for the last 10 years. Andrew, in short, is with me in order to satisfy his need for intimacy.

We’ve been going out for a couple of months now – and its still a bliss. I know, like all dreams, I will eventually wake up. And when I do, I know it would be next to Dee – reminiscing my time with Andrew in quiet dreamlike.

Thank you for reading my letter and I hope you can share it with your many subscribers.

Yours,
Ronald

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I’m Bashful, 27, and a reader of your blog for about two years now. I am writing to ask for your opinion about a taboo matter: exhibitionism.

I know, my nickname indicates otherwise, but aside from the risk of being exposed to the rest of the world–especially on the web–I have no problem showing my “baby anaconda” to other guys who are simply horny peeping toms. Blame it on today’s technology; in this decade almost everyone has a digicam, web cam, camera phone, etc. I am not a street flasher, but I have masturbated (or appeared with a hard-on) in internet chat rooms, and in public places such as school, public transport, malls, workplace, etc.

The very first time that I’ve tried close to “exposing” myself was when I was in high school in the late 90s, when my parents bought a handy video camera. I filmed myself a mini porn clip, pleasuring myself in the video. It was extremely titillating yet guilt-inducing experience. I was about 14 years old then, and I let the Video8 tape record till I came. I watched my amateur porn clip over and over, and found myself aroused by myself doing it on film. As a child, I’d realized that my dick size was above average because I’ve seen my classmates’ dicks during PhysEd classes. On video, I was quite pleased with my private part’s magnified image. However, since it was also strange for a kid to be doing that, I quickly deleted the clip after multiple playback.

When camera phones and digicams became standard, especially during this decade, I found myself taking photos of my hard dick. (I know a lot of people–straight or gay–have done that, too.) Most of my pictures were taken when I was extremely horny. I would save the images in my computer, and I’d exchange nude pics with other guys that I meet. When MMS became cheap, I also started swapping photos of my cock through mobile phones with other guys. The recipients would salivate at the my pictures, and it would please me to no end. The idea of other guys enjoying my cock’s photos or videos and using my images as masturbatory inspiration had made (and still makes) me super horny. I’ve taken photos of my jacking off in my bedroom, in the car, the bus, in a public restroom, etc. I’ve deleted the bulk of them, but kept some for myself, and to share with other guys later. Please know that I am not in-love with myself or my dick (God, I wish I had a better body, like Dennis Trillo’s), but it really excites me whenever I think I can be seen by other guys (especially the cute ones) with my hard-on or while masturbating.

Often, I have masturbated in cinemas (mostly in the Ortigas & QC areas, but never in those dingy theaters ha!), strategically positioning myself to hide from the film-goers/guards/cinema staff, but tactically allowing myself to be “accidentally exposed” to guys with cock on their minds. I’ve been given a blow job in the movie house as well, and Ive let other guys watch it being done for me, and/or they wait to participate in it later on. (I know, that’s a dangerous thing to do in the cinema, but thankfully, I’ve never been hurt by anyone nor caught by the roving guards). I’ve had a hard-on while changing clothes in the university gym, and let other students see it. I have jerked off in the bus, and taken pictures of myself. If there’s another horny guy riding the same bus, I probably have done it in his presence to “entertain” him. (Hey, I’m a people-pleaser, in a perverted kind of way.) Heck, back in college during ROTC, there were times that I chose not to wear underwear and went commando, and I remember that some of the guys had noticed my bulge, especially when “baby anaconda” got a little excited with all the rubbing.

A few years ago, I have once posted some photos of my hard cock in one of those “rate this dick” websites, just for kicks (I had them removed later). I also have experienced chatting on YM and on a popular sex chat room with web cam, and have performed sporadic “shows” there, receiving extremely “encouraging” comments to continue titillating the guys over and over (and many times, indecent proposals). Whenever I do “shows”, I feel obligated to entertain the horny gay population in a particular chat room. The bad thing is, sometimes I forget that people can also record those video feeds, and there’s a possibility that I may be exposed on The Buzz someday. (I actually have a friend who’d been videotaped and whose video had been uploaded to Xtube without his consent, which he later settled with the website administrators. Interestingly, I have uploaded a couple of my own triple-X videos on Xtube–again just for kicks–but those videos don’t show my face in order to protect my identity. Just the thought of hundreds of gay guys across the globe can view my dick still excites me to the bone. I’d give you the link, Migs, if you’re interested. Ha ha!)

Just recently, I came out to a new gay acquaintance who I knew has a crush on me, so that I could show him my hard cock pictures and jack-off videos (an act which he appreciated so much, even if he has a boyfriend). That makes me a little guilty, though, turning him into a sex slave and all (his terminology, not mine), but I always choose to skip that feeling whenever I’m horny and I just want to share my throbbing dick to a needy gay guy. Even my best friend (who knows about my orientation) has seen my dick photos and videos in my mobile–unintentionally, of course–when he was checking out my phone. He didn’t judge me, but he wanted me to be more careful with those images and protect myself (a very good advice, actually).

I am a well-educated yet bashful and private person (I have received undergraduate and postgraduate diplomas from two of the top four universities in our country) with a Catholic upbringing. Most people still think of me as an introverted nerd. But I am also a “sexhibitionist”, in a way that I get really turned on by exposing myself to other (preferably similarly cute, discreet, gay) guys, jacking off and cumming in their presence. So, I’m a walking dichotomy. (As Britney would sing, “I’m not that innocent.”) Is that so bad?

Thanks for taking time to read my letter.

Best regards,
Bashful

Hi Bashful,

No worries, you’re good. I’m sure the folks here are eager to see that anaconda of yours. Hahaha!

Migs

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“Hey, just wanted to ask, are you gay, bisexual or something?” then I replied, “that… I’m not particularly sure of… I have a gf, but to be honest, I enjoy ‘it’ with men. No labels. Ikaw?” – then I got cold silence as a reply.

It was the 30th day of my birthday month, though still in the middle of the week, the following day was the end of Ramadan and thus was declared a holiday. I got nothing to do that payday afternoon and so I decided to just hang around. Walking along Timog / Tomas Morato area with no one and with literally nothing to do, I decided to go to one of my favorite spa places and pamper myself with an hour and a half long massage.

So I went inside, had a short talk with the receptionist. I asked her if there were not too many people inside, and was delighted to hear her say “di naman matao sir, tama lang.” at least I’m not alone, and neither is it too crowded…

Well I went in, and saw a bunch of decent looking blokes (Though it pissed me that a number of them are drooling over those who just came in, and even went to as far as following you to the shower. But nevertheless it was an okay crowd.)

Just as any ordinary spa guy would do, I took off my clothes placed the towel around my waist and went straight to the shower area. There were a few gays staring but I couldn’t care less. Had a nice warm shower facing the wall / dividers; I was indeed having a nice time. After that, I went in the dry sauna area. After a few minutes I decided to give the massage a “go”. None of my favorite masseurs were available at the time, but then the newbie (at least for me) didn’t fail me. He has a good warm pair of hands, and it was a definite relief from all the stress I had from work this past week.

After the massage, I decided to take a shower again to wash off the oil. After that, I was planning to leave the place for coffee, but then, when I checked my phone, it was then too early. So I stayed… went back to the shower area, then to the sauna room. On my way to the sauna, I saw a few guys on the Jacuzzi but did not pay much attention. I went inside and alienated myself from the rest of the group by wearing a silly slightly frowning face. It was as if I had a “F*** OFF” sign tattooed in my forehead. Nobody dared talk to me, and so I was relieved.

Fifteen to thirty minutes have passed and so I decided to shower off the sweat… This is when I saw “him” in the Jacuzzi. It was a familiar face, and so I thought. But then the “straight guy” ruled over me and didn’t give a damn. I went straight to the shower area, and, well… showered.

But after a while, this occurred to me, “he was the same guy from two Saturdays ago…” I had a silly sort of “attraction” with this almost bald guy, a slight scar on his cheek, with a decent built. And it was my second time seeing him in the same spa. Little did I care about the other guys, I just wanted to know for sure if he was that same guy I once saw and was attracted to… So I went in the tub with him and seated at the far end of the corner. I was trying to glance at him every once in a while to validate if it was really him, so by then, I was sure he was. I’m sure he was also glancing back, but then we wouldn’t let each other catch that we were…

And so it went on, we were taking a quick look at each other if chance permits. I went in the sauna, after a while he was there too. When I shower, he’s there at times… but nothing really happened besides that.

After a few while, I noticed that the crowd was getting a bit thick, and so I decided to leave. I went out of the wet area to change clothes. He followed… sat at one corner of the waiting lounge, got his phone as if sending a text message. It’s as if he was saying “hey, can I get your number?” I didn’t know what to do… none of this sort has happened to me yet. And so I did not change at once… and lingered for quite a bit. Teasingly, I put on only my boxer briefs with a towel almost wrapped around my shoulder, went in front of the mirror and put gel on my hair. I thought… “hey, I’m sending all the right signals, when will you make a move?” after quite a while, there were already number of guys staring at me, so I felt a bit conscious… so I went on putting on my pants and shirt and prepared to leave. I was in front of my locker (it was 222) when he sat beside me. I thought he was finally making a move, but then again, I assumed too much. He was there because his locker was just right next to me, his was 223.

I didn’t know what got into me, but I could have sworn, I wanted so much to get his number, but then I can’t just simply ask. He was still there lingering, and so am I, as if we were waiting for each other to step forward. So I did… I took a piece of paper, wrote down my first name and my number, and thought that it would be simpler if I just handed it to him. But then, I can’t. So I took my chances, and just left the paper inside my locker beside his. But I made sure that he knew that I left something there.

I went on my way hoping he would indeed get in touch. There was a coffee shop at the same building, I stayed there and met up with my boss, she also is a good friend of mine… and she had something bothering her that night… so we decided to talk it over a cup of coffee. While we were chatting, I received a text message “****?” – (my first name, sorry, I refuse to divulge that info) it was from an unfamiliar number. So I replied: “yes? I’m sorry but may I know who this is?” he replied “Why did you leave early?” I texted back “are you 223? I met up with a friend down here at GJ…” To cut it short, the conversation went on… it was brief and concise… “parang nagpapakiramdaman…” so to say. I learned from that short exchange that he is a senior student from one of the top university, and I’m 1 or 2 years older… just the same, he knew that I was a marketing guy at some establishment near the place… It was somewhat a relief that he made contact.

An hour have probably passed, my boss and I were at the height of her story… when I noticed “him” walking out of the building… he saw me too… it was a cold stare that we gave each other. He walked towards my direction, passed by our side, and went down the stairs behind me. After a while, I texted him again, “ei, you on your way home?” “yep, am a bit sleepy already… why?” he replied. I said. “wala, just thought you might want to hang out still, but then, sige, go ahead sleepyhead!” and the conversation went on again until the time I got home and was about to sleep… well, we talked about basic things, like my girlfriend, my job, his school, his likes… sort of stuff like that. But believe you me, it was a very few exchange of text messages… and I mean literally few. When it got a bit intimate, he asked “Hey, just wanted to ask, are you gay, bisexual or something, you know?” then I replied, “that… I’m not particularly sure of… I have a gf, but to be honest, I enjoy ‘it’ with men. No labels. Ikaw?” – then I got cold silence as a reply.

That was the last text I got from him. That night, and the following day… nothing.

I don’t know if I scared him away… or had I been too straight forward, or too intrusive. I really don’t know. So I had to let it pass… so much for my first actual attempt to get to know a complete stranger, with him knowing what I actually am.

Dear Migs,

Sorry for having to tell you this long of a story… just wanted to tell you exactly what happened… in detail. You probably are the only person who might actually understand and be able to give me a straight forward comment. Tell me pls., what happened there? Am I just being extra sensitive about the whole thing? Should I act on it?

This, I’m sure of; I didn’t do that just so to hook up or anything. It was an authentic effort to make friends with someone interesting. After all, he might be the only person who actually knows who I am, and knows about the whole “no labels” thing. Is that wrong?

I know you and your readers are way too tired of these kinds of stories, so if you won’t publish it or something, it would absolutely be fine. Just hoping you’ll give me sound advices on what to do. You may send it through this e-mail if you opt to J thanks so much migs. You’ve always been a big help.

– kape (a.k.a. Coffee Boy)

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Hi Migs,

Alam ko dami mo letter-sender na inspiring ang mga messages nila. Hindi ko alam kung medyo kakaiba ito but this is real at gusto ko ishare sa mga readers mo.

I’m 29 years old, very happily married but no child yet by choice and straight-acting. Hindi ko itatanggi na I have been practicing this orientation for almost 5 years and so far so good.. At alam mo naman siguro pag mga straight-acting, mas active ang sex-life kesa sa mga open or so I think. Naranasan ko na halos lahat ng klase ng gay-sex. 3some, orgies, seb, name it. Malamang sa hindi, nagawa ko na. Kaya masasabi ko na bato na ang puso ko sa emosyon. Hindi na ako madaling maattach emotionally sa mga kasex ko. Until recently.

I met a guy 6 years my junior. Nakasalubong ko sa mall, nagkatinginan kami, paglampas ko nilingon ko uli at gaya ko, siya din nakatingin pa sa akin. Ngumiti siya, tumango ako. Pero hindi kami puwedeng mag-usap, me mga kasama ako kaibigan na mga straight. Pero gaya nga ng tagline ng isang banko at ikoquote ko na “we find ways”, nagkita kami uli, same mall at nagmotel kami somewhere in Pasig. Di ko alam pero binigay ko yung number ko sa kanya. I usually don’t.

Naulit ang pagkikita namin at pagsisex. My intention was just to have sex with him. The guy is hot, guwapo, med-built and funny at magaling sa sex. He wanted to bottom me pero sorry, para sa akin battle yan, kung sino mahina siya dapat ang bottom pero di ko itatanggi na kahit top ako, puwede din ako maging bottom, depende sa sitwasyon.

Sa next na pagkikita namin, after sex we talked. Nakuha na niya ang loob ko and I wanted to test him. Tinanong niya ako kung bakit hindi ako makapag-overnight sa bahay nila at lagi akong nagmamadali, “siguro may sabit ka no?” I said yes. And I saw his eyes. Literally, nawala yung glow. Kitang-kita mo yung pag-iba ng mukha niya kahit dim light. Alam ko na ang batang ito, sanay sa ganito. He has long standing account in g4m but deleted it sa harap ko, one time na magkasama kami sa kuwarto niya sabay sabi sa aking “tapos na ang paghahanap”.

But that moment, nagulat ako sa naramdaman ko. sanay din ako sa ganito, sanay akong di na ititext ang mga nakasex ko kahit gusto pa nila kung ayaw ko na. Sanay akong mangfrustrate ng tao ng walang pakialam sa nararamdaman nila pero ang batang ito, iba. kitang-kita ang sincerity ng mga mata niya. And for the first time, I feel for him. Hindi ko alam. parang nasaktan ako, parang sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon, inacknowledged ko na me nasaktan akong tao.

Kinaumagahan, he texted me “nakahanda akong magtiis, wag ka lang mawawala sa akin” That night we had sex, that was the best sex, after a long-long time na naranasan ko. Of course, with my wife is out of the question here. Random sex, I mean. Hindi ako humihingi ng paumanhin sa pagiging selfish ko. Wala akong pakialam kung me nasaktan man akong mga tao sa pagsunod ko sa nararamdaman ko. It’s between me and my God. Dahil sa nakita kong sinseridad ng bata sa pagmamahal niya sakin, nakahanda akong pagbigyan siya. Kung ako man ang dahilan at titigil na siya sa paghahanap, gusto kong maging inspirasyon niya. Pero on my part, dahil sa nakita kong paghihirap niya nung aminin ko sa kanyang me sabit na ako, lesson na sa akin yun. Na huwag ng makipaglaro sa nararamdaman ng iba. Na pipilitin ko na rin tumigil na sa ganitong buhay. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko (daming guwapo sa paligid parekoy!) but I would like to give it a try. To be fair to him.

Hindi ko alam kung saan papunta ang samahan namin. Kahit naman sa straight na samahan walang kasiguruhan. Steady date kami. Alam kong bata pa siya at somewhere along the way, he’ll meet someone na deserving at walang sabit, ang mahalaga we both learned our lesson, ako to be aware of the feelings of others at siya, to fight for your love no matter what it costs. But as of now, I’ll allow myself to be his “happy” Sino naman ako para tumanggi. Masarap naman siyang kasama. And no, hindi pa rin niya ako nakukumbinsing magbottom. Bwehehe!

Thanks Migs, I hope I can meet you soon….

Mike (this is my real name, unique ano?)

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