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Hi Migs,

I was deeply attracted and had feelings for a close friend of mine who is straight but is bisexual at times. I am bisexual. me and him have been intimate with each other numerous of times but I started falling for him hard so I stopped hanging with him and talking to him for awhile and wasn’t having sex with him. well I decided to move back in at his house a couple months ago and we started back messin around here and there and now I’ve kinda caught feelings for him again. I try to shake those feelings as much as I can and try to push them to the side but it makes me want him even more. he is cool messin around from time to time but said he would never date a guy and I would love to be in a relationship with him. I don’t know what to do. I need some serious advice.

– M.N.

 

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Hi Migs!

I know your blog generally tackles mostly LBGTQ issues and concerns. I am a heterosexual woman. Nonetheless, I felt that I could share this concern with you.

I thought of writing you because I fell in love with this male massage therapist whom I came across through your blog. Long story short, I saw your blogs about him and I got infatuated with him, so much so that I decided to get a massage from him.

The decision to get a massage from him was out-of-character to say the least because I am not entirely comfortable with the idea of having a masseur touch me, much less caress me, especially given that the massage the Spa offers is more than the usual massage I get from my regular spas.

When I finally got the massage, it was more than the usual routine. Without me asking for it, he gave me the “extra service” I only ever heard about from my gay friends. He was ever the gentleman and ensured my comfort all throughout.

After the massage, he started texting me. Given my infatuation, I entertained him. He eventually asked me out on a date. My friends, especially my gay friends, cautioned me against getting into something serious with him considering our circumstances. They warned me that there is always the danger of being made a sugar mommy and of the therapist taking advantage of me for material reasons. I told them that I am a big girl and I can handle it. I was wrong.

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It was a beautiful Monday morning. The previous evening she called me. She’s in town only for 3 days, and I was here for just the weekend plus 2 days — what a serendipitous thing for 2 “OFWs” to be in Manila at the same time. So we decided to do breakfast together that beautiful Monday morning.

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We’ve been Facebook friends for some time now. She added me, and I was just too happy to be her online friend. It was awkward at first, but soon enough we were exchanging messages like we’re good ol’ friends. Finally that Monday morning, we would meet, in person, for the very first time.
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I arrived at the restaurant early, so I decided to read the papers while waiting. I barely finished scanning the front page when a beautiful woman came in. It was her. I immediately stood up, walked to her, and we introduced ourselves to each other with a big warm hug. It felt good.
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The ensuing conversation was non-stop. The breakfast was just an excuse, we met really to connect with each other. And connect we did. She was chatty, I was too, and except for that one time she whipped out her SLR to capture the moment, we were on to gabfest galore, talking about the littlest things. Until one subject came up. Her brother. Her brother is our connection. He is SAGG. The guy I dated some 3 years ago. The guy who loved me like I was the only man in the world. The guy who treated me like I was his universe. Sadly, I never reciprocated.
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She was in tears. “Honestly, there was a time I hated you for what you did to him. But I also love you for what you did. You’re the only guy who made him that happy, and the only one who made him that sad. He loves you until now. Don’t tell him I told you.” She continued, now with a broken voice, “but I really just want my brother to be happy.” I knew what she meant, even if her words did not say it. I held her hand. By this time, her beautiful face was drenched with tears. And yet I knew the best thing to do is to just be with her. Not to rush and fix. To sit with her as she expressed her pain. Not to run and make the pain fade away.
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She is just 22. I thought to myself, when she experiences more of life and more of love, she will understand why not reciprocating can be the most loving thing to do.

Dear Migs,

I finally got the guts to write you a letter. It has been almost two years since the first time I read on your blog. Since then, I took inspiration, courage and the will to embrace the life I choose and share my story. Call me Roger, I’m 23 and already a college professor. I must admit that gay university instructors are not new, except for me. I’m closeted. I started to teach just last June 2009. Each time, I hold classes I make it a point that I could deliver the subject in the most ‘straight’ way possible. Every single day is a struggle especially if I get interested and attracted to students. This is my greatest fear what if I get hooked on a student? I can’t risk my job, neither my student’s future.

Until I met Joshua. He’s 17 and a freshman.

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Hi Migs,

I never thought that the day would come that I would be the one writing to you. I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate your views on different dilemmas sent to you by your viewers. I need some sort of advice regarding my case. Just call me John, 22 years old, hurting and sad. My story just happened recently so everything is fresh from my memory. One day (to be exact February 13,2010), this guy (let’s just call him Renz, 29 years old) called me up. I knew where he got my number but I won’t mention it here anymore. He was a stranger. We talked for a very short time only because I was about to go somewhere. After our conversation, we exchanged a few text messages. When I got home, he called again. We talked for a very long time. I felt at ease talking to him. We exchanged infos about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, our funny stories etc. It felt really good just talking to him.

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airplane Back in college, there was this one moment I particularly remember when Joseph and I was killing time in our tambayan in UP. I remember how happy we were that time, for reasons that escape me now. What made that day memorable was, as we were talking, exchanging stories, somebody called our attention.

“Huy, Migs! Joseph! Ang sweet ninyo naman, magka-holding hands pa kayo.”

And there we were, both surprised, holding our breath and wondering how it all happened unconsciously– my right hand in his left, spaces between my fingers filled by his, interlocked.

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Hi Migs,

Good day!

I am writing to you para maliwanagan ako sa lahat ng nangyari sakin. My name is Yours (a loan word from my true name so basically not really my real name, just sounded like my nickname. Actually there is a unique spelling of that nickname but to protect my privacy i just loaned the word as well as the spelling), 20 from Cebu. To be honest, I am bothered right now kung sino ba talaga ako lalo pa’t parang nagkagusto na ako sa kapwa ko lalaki na ang pangalan ay Emman (not his true name).

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Hi Migs,

First, I would like to greet your MGG Blog a Happy 3rd Anniversary. Your blog makes my monotonous work day exciting. I used to work in a call center in Makati when I discovered your blog, from then on I was addicted and always excited to check it everyday. Hanggang ngayon pwede ko nang sabihing parte na siya ng daily routine ko.

I was born and raised in Bacolod City, after graduation I went here to review for the Board Exams (ECE Board), needless to say, hindi pa kasing open ng Manila ang Bacolod as far as same-sex relationship is concern kaya nakakagulat when I first got here. Bata pa lang ako, since my mom is a teacher, I was raised to be masunurin at masipag mag-aral, in short NERD. I was a consistent honor student then, pero LONER, I never experienced the typical Barkada nung high school. Everytime may gusto ako, since I don’t have anyone to share it with, I’m making a note addressed to GOD and keep it in a box, wala pa kasing cellphone nun. It was always been my prayer to have someone I can call my own, not necessarily a lover… Bestfriend ok na. Together with that prayer, I completed the simbang gabi… novena mass at kung anu-ano pa. I am not religious but I always have my time for prayer. Siguro nasanay na din na siya lagi kausap ko dahil nga hindi ako mahilig makipag friends before. (Hindi na ngayon..lol)

Alam ko ever since that there’s something different about me compared to my male classmates. Until college, hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ako, I tried to do things straight people do, name it I’ve done it… siguro ma convince ang ibang tao na straight ako, kasabay nun ang pag convince din sa sarili ko na hindi ako ganun. Pero I was 3rd year college then when I met Francis, Freshman. He was maputi, long hair, chinito, matangkad, gwapo. (This is it!)

I began to notice him nung ang mga girl classmates ko kinikilig pag dumadaan siya sa classroom. Fate as you may call it, since member ako ng Student Government, I was asked to spearhead all the Engineering freshmen for an activity for the Sportsfest, and yes kasama siya dun. Everytime may practice sila I was there to arrange for the transportation and the food. Ako din ang taga check ng attendance nila aat dahil diyan I have to publish my number for any notification kung hindi makakapunta sa practice. Nagtagal ang practice ng mga 1 buwan, dahil na rin sa schedule ko ay hindi ako laging nakakapunta sa mga practices nila.

One night, nag text siya na hindi na daw kasing saya ang practice kasi wala ako. Migs, prior to that incident, hindi kami nag-uusap, we we’re not even introduced to each other,at wala din kaming common friends. Simula nun, we’ve been texting na, though more on about sa practices at sa school related activities. Nothing personal.

Last practice nila bago ang performance the next day, around 10p na kami umuwi, habang naka-upo ako sa pedicab naghihintay ng ibang pasahero going inside our subdivision, out of nowhere naisip kong magtxt sa cellphone ko, sabi ko “God, kung siya man ang binigay mo sa akin give me a sign, gusto ko tumawag siya pag dating ko sa bahay.” tinago ko lang sa Draft ng cellphone. Suntok sa buwan ang text na yun, hindi nga kami nag uusap ng personal, at hindi ako sigurado kung ano siya… pati sarili ko hindi din ako sigurado kung ano.

Papasok ako ng bahay, tumunog yung phone, uso pa drop call nun, nagtanong kung naka-uwi na ako. After ilang tanong at sagot, humirit siya ng “Pwede mag apply?” At first, I thought application for the org, so I replied hindi pa pwede kasi 1st year pa lang siya… sabi niya mag a-apply daw siyang bestfriend ko. Sabi ko okey, pero na weirduhan ako sa sitwasyon, at that time nalimutan ko ang sign na hiningi ko.

The next day sabay kami na nuod ng game, nag lunch, umuwi ng sabay. Naging ganun ang set-up namin for several months, minsan sinasamahan ko siya sa ibang school para manligaw sa classmate niya nung high school. Naging okey ang takbo ng sitwasyon namin, naging automatic na sa mga professor ko na pag nawawala ako, sa kanya ako hinahanap. Until one day, tinanong niya ko kung pwede daw more than friends na kami, nalaman kong tumigil na siya sa panliligaw sa girl sa kabilang school.

Pumayag ako, pero hindi ko alam kung tama nga yung ginawa ko. Dumaan ang ilang araw na masaya kaming pareho, we agreed not to have sex yet, because we need to prove kung LUST ba o LOVE ang nararamdaman namin, we agreed to go to church every Wednesday after school for novena, simba every Sunday at every lunch break sa school… Sabi namin pambawi kay Lord.. Lahat ng ginagawa namin naka plano, wala kaming sinabihang friends for fear na we’re both known sa school at baka ma kick-out kami. We prioritized our studies for fear na if ever malaman ng family namin na kami na, hindi pwedeng gawing dahilan na pinabayaan namin ang school namin. Para walang maisumbat. From then on, naging confident ako sa sitwasyon namin, I introduced him sa family as a “friend” and gusto naman siya ng family ko. Ganun din ako sa family niya.

This coming September 12, we will be celebrating our 80th month as a couple. At some point your blog has been and is still an inspiration for the both of us.. nahawa na din siya kakabasa ng blog mo dahil sa akin. Through your blog, from the stories shared by other readers and your advice that comes after, we realized that what we have right now is something that not most PLU have and that we have to take care and appreciate it. Dahil nga never namin na experience magka ex-boyfriend, kung paano makipag eye ball o makipag date sa ibang tao… through your blog we get to learn something, na hindi na dapat umabot sa kailangan naming maranasan yun para ma realize ang importance ng isa’t isa.

Gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa’yo at sa iyong blog. Hindi ko man kayang i-express siya sa paraang karapat-dapat, gusto kong malaman mo na parte ng buhay namin ang blog mo… and we all know that any relationship will never be better without the help of friends, family and the things that inspire and teach you… at isa ka dun.

Thank you.

Siopao & Bunwich

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Dear Siopao & Bunwich,

Maraming salamat sa inyong email. Sa totoo lang, kinilig ako (at naihi ng three-and-a-half drops!) habang binabasa ang inyong napakagandang story. Being together in a loving, same-sex relationship for 80 months is no small accomplishment. You are right, you have something that many of us fervently wish for, and your resolve to always cherish and appreciate it is so refreshing and inspiring. Your story gives us a sliver of shimmer of a glimmer of hope, that we too can find our other half, just like both of you. Tila ba kayo isang baso ng malamig na tubig sa aming mahabang, nakakauhaw na paglalakbay sa kasukalan ng buhay. Maraming salamat!

To more months and more years of loving companionship! Cheers!

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Hello Migs,

To be honest di ko alam kung paano ko uumpisahan ang email na ‘to. Uumpisahan ko ba sa tanong?

Paminsan minsan ako nagbabasa ng mga sinusulat mo sa website mo. Nagka interest ako dun sa kwento about the basketball player that you once loved (?). Sa situation ko ngayon di alam kung pareho tayo ng pinagdaanan.

Sa isang sikat na liga ng basketball ko nakilala ang basketball player na nagdulot sakin ng sobrang sakit na kabiguan. May nag aalaga na talaga sa kanya dati isang taga showbusiness pero namatay na eto kamakailan lang. Sa madaling salita naging kami habang sila pa nung taga showbusiness na yun. Maganda ang umpisa ng relasyon namin. Open sya sakin. Lahat ng tungkol sa buhay nya alam ko. Dahil nga sa kami na, I supported him sa mga pangangailangan nya.

Sweet sya at thoughtful noong una. Pag di nagtitext, nagagalit sya. Sunod sunod ang text nya hangga’t di ako nagri reply sa kanya. Dumating ung time na I need to work abroad kasi very tempting ang offer. During the first few months maganda ang takbo ng relasyon namin. Regular texting. Kung nasaan sya nagsasabi sya at sinasabi rin nya kung sino mga ksama nya .Palagi ko sya tinatwagan sa phone. Sinubukan ko sya minsan, sabi ko tapusin na namin ung relasyon namin kasi parang mahirap ang kalagayan namin kasi masyadong malayo kami sa isa’t isa. Nagmamakaawa sya. Sabi nya ayaw daw nya dahil mahal na mahal na daw nya ako. Syempre, kinilig ako sa narinig ko kaya sabi ko sige subukan natin.

He informed me na may bago syang GF. He was happy to tell me na alam daw lahat ng GF nya ung sa amin. Para daw kahit magkasama sila makakapag text sya sa akin or matatawagan ko sya. As the days went on, parang nag iiba na sya. Napansin ko umpisa nung mamatay ung taga showbusiness na karelasyon nya nagbago sya bigla. Kinausap ko sya sabi ko bakit parang may nag iba na sa kanya. Parang mainit palagi ang ulo nya sakin. Dati ang mga text nya may “love” or labyu. Tinanong ko sya bakit ganun. Ang sabi nya busy lang daw talaga sya kaya ganun.

Isang madaling araw may mga missed calls ako from her GF. Kasunod nun mga text messages na masasakit from his GF. Di ko pinatulan. I called him up and told him him about it. Pero patay malisya. He even denied the number that his GF used was not known to him. But when I told him about the text messages from his celfon. Di sya nakapagsalita. Nagalit sya bigla sakin. Hanggang sa dumating ung time na di na nya aq tinitext. Pag tinatawagan ko sya binababaan nya ako ng phone. Masakit. Palagi mainit ulo nya sa akin. Tinanong ko sya one time kung mahal pa nya ako nagulat ako sa sinabi nya. Di nya daw alam. At ayaw na daw nya sa relasyon namin. Hirap na hirap na daw sya. Palagi na lang daw syang bad trip.

Nag makaawa ako sa kanya na bigyan nya ng second chance ang relasyon namin. Ayaw na daw talaga nya. Pero pinilit ko sya. Nag agree sya. Akala ko babalik pa sa dati ung pagtitinginan namin but it turned out to be a nightmare. May nababalitaan ako na palagi sya lumalabas ng isang gay businessman ng patago kasi ang tunay na alaga nung businessman ay ung star player nyang ka teammate. Tinanong ko about it lalo syang nagalit. Wala daw pala akong tiwala sa kanya kaya dapat daw tapusin na namin ang lahat lahat. Dahil daw sa akin ang dami daw nawala sa buhay nya. Pati GF daw nya iniwanan sya dahil sa akin. Pero hanggang ngayon kung ano binibigay ko sa kanya tinatanggap pa rin nya. Mahal na mahal ko talaga sya Migz.

TAMA BA ANG GINAGAWA KO? Dapat ko pa ba ipagpatuloy ang kabaliwan kong ito? Did you feel the same way with the basketball player you had before?

I need your advice badly. Please? Thank you.

Sincerely Yours,
        Lakers

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Dear Lakers,

You asked, “dapat ko pa bang ipagpatuloy ang kabaliwan kong ito?” Alam mo Lakers, hango sa sabi ni Ate Maria, “ang kabaliwan hindi bine-beybi… Pinapatay.”

Huwag ka ng magpa-dribol-dribol pa sa mga eventualities na yan. Tama na ang panahon at perang ginugol mo kay Basketball Player. Napasaya ka naman niya, kinilig ka pa nga (at naihi ng three drops?). Maging thankful ka na lang sa mga nangyari. At isara mo na ang kabanatang iyan ng buhay mo, na may luha mang dumadausdos sa iyong pisngi, may ngiti namang namumuo sa iyong mga labi. Hugasan mo ang poot, palitan ito ng shining, shimmering splendor.

A new life awaits you, kumare. Marami pa tayo diyang mapapasayang lalake. Kung ako sa iyo, magkukulong lang ako sa banyo ng mga 21 minutes, inga-ngawa ko lang ito ng bonggang-bongga, tapos maligo ka. Maghilod, magsabon, ulitin pa ng 2 beses. Kunin ang shampoo. Wet hair, shampoo, rinse, and repeat. Mag-conditioner. Habang naghihintay ma-cure ang conditioner sa hair, sambitin ang mga salitang ito – “I am beautiful. I am lovely. I deserve beauty. I deserve love.” Ulitin ito nang mga 3 minutes, oo paulit-ulit, hanggang ma-cure ng husto ang conditioner sa buhok. Rinse thoroughly (para di magbalakubak sa anit.)

Step out of the shower as a renewed person. Ganyaaan. Ganyan nga. At huwag kakalimutan ang dapat ginagawa sa mga kasawian sa buhay. Ikembot lang yan at i-ngiti.

Nagmamahal,

Migs

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Here’s a series of letters I received from someone who calls himself “ILoveAlec” a Pinoy gay guy in Malaysia.

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Hi Migs,

I’m a big fan of your site. I always read whatever you put there. I’m the guy that hates drama hehehehe. I’ve been wanting to write you for the longest time but can’t find good story to share until yesterday Nov 8, 2008.

I’m currently in Malaysia for a short visit. Yesterday I went to see the Petronas out of curiosity because I’ve been hearing a lot of good words from people who see it and also from the movies.

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