Manila Gay Guy

After almost 8 years of being together, having enjoyed that simple life with the one he loves, Paul felt different. People in relationships actually change. He says, “I think I needed to grow, I have to assert who I am, maybe I lost myself in the relationship.” This is how we start this fourth part of this podcast series on the story of Sam and Paul. If Part 3 is the OMG episode of the series because the Fabcasters themselves were continually shocked with details of the revelations, here in this part, they calm down a bit–yet the shocking revelations didn’t stop coming. We’ve been desensitized! You will hear about sexual infidelities, “puwede naman ang dalawang ka-relasyon, di ba?,” tatluhan, apatan, limahan, and more. Yet underneath it all, listen for what really is happening between the two as they whirl around all the many eventualities and issues in the relationship. (more…)

It was a beautiful Monday morning. The previous evening she called me. She’s in town only for 3 days, and I was here for just the weekend plus 2 days — what a serendipitous thing for 2 “OFWs” to be in Manila at the same time. So we decided to do breakfast together that beautiful Monday morning.

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We’ve been Facebook friends for some time now. She added me, and I was just too happy to be her online friend. It was awkward at first, but soon enough we were exchanging messages like we’re good ol’ friends. Finally that Monday morning, we would meet, in person, for the very first time.
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I arrived at the restaurant early, so I decided to read the papers while waiting. I barely finished scanning the front page when a beautiful woman came in. It was her. I immediately stood up, walked to her, and we introduced ourselves to each other with a big warm hug. It felt good.
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The ensuing conversation was non-stop. The breakfast was just an excuse, we met really to connect with each other. And connect we did. She was chatty, I was too, and except for that one time she whipped out her SLR to capture the moment, we were on to gabfest galore, talking about the littlest things. Until one subject came up. Her brother. Her brother is our connection. He is SAGG. The guy I dated some 3 years ago. The guy who loved me like I was the only man in the world. The guy who treated me like I was his universe. Sadly, I never reciprocated.
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She was in tears. “Honestly, there was a time I hated you for what you did to him. But I also love you for what you did. You’re the only guy who made him that happy, and the only one who made him that sad. He loves you until now. Don’t tell him I told you.” She continued, now with a broken voice, “but I really just want my brother to be happy.” I knew what she meant, even if her words did not say it. I held her hand. By this time, her beautiful face was drenched with tears. And yet I knew the best thing to do is to just be with her. Not to rush and fix. To sit with her as she expressed her pain. Not to run and make the pain fade away.
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She is just 22. I thought to myself, when she experiences more of life and more of love, she will understand why not reciprocating can be the most loving thing to do.

“May nagtatagal bang gay relationships?”

This special-edition fabcast answers this question. Meron. We present to you a handsome gay couple, the goodlooking Sam and cute-but-hot Paul, who tell us how their relationship (now on its 8th year) started and flourished.

Listen and learn! (more…)

If I burn–no, when I burn– I want to burn with you. We’ll fuel each other’s flare, spark a blaze that will incinerate our grimy pasts, and beam a burning light to each our throbbing hearts, where no desire is fiercer than generously giving, and no passion is known except that of you and me loving, from fire and coal, to ember and ash.

Galing sa pugon ng Maynila kung saan talaga namang bubula ang kili-kili mo sa init ng panahon, eh masayang lumarga ang inyong lingkod pabalik ng Amerika. (Oo, sa mga huli na sa balita, si Migs eh dito na sa isteyts nakatira.) Paglapag na paglapag ko sa paliparan ng San Francisco, ramdam na ramdam ko ang ginhawa ng maaliwalas at malamig na hangin. Sarap, shet. Problema lang, kumukulo ang tiyan ko. May nakain akong di maganda; yun yata yung Siomai-Mami na tinira ko sa NAIA. Luma na yata at pinatambling ang sikmura ko. (more…)

Dear Migs,

I finally got the guts to write you a letter. It has been almost two years since the first time I read on your blog. Since then, I took inspiration, courage and the will to embrace the life I choose and share my story. Call me Roger, I’m 23 and already a college professor. I must admit that gay university instructors are not new, except for me. I’m closeted. I started to teach just last June 2009. Each time, I hold classes I make it a point that I could deliver the subject in the most ‘straight’ way possible. Every single day is a struggle especially if I get interested and attracted to students. This is my greatest fear what if I get hooked on a student? I can’t risk my job, neither my student’s future.

Until I met Joshua. He’s 17 and a freshman. (more…)

Hi Migs,

I never thought that the day would come that I would be the one writing to you. I enjoy reading your posts and appreciate your views on different dilemmas sent to you by your viewers. I need some sort of advice regarding my case. Just call me John, 22 years old, hurting and sad. My story just happened recently so everything is fresh from my memory. One day (to be exact February 13,2010), this guy (let’s just call him Renz, 29 years old) called me up. I knew where he got my number but I won’t mention it here anymore. He was a stranger. We talked for a very short time only because I was about to go somewhere. After our conversation, we exchanged a few text messages. When I got home, he called again. We talked for a very long time. I felt at ease talking to him. We exchanged infos about ourselves, our likes and dislikes, our funny stories etc. It felt really good just talking to him. (more…)

I can still feel, my Love, I can still feel. Those tears I just shed are proof that this heart of mine is still capable of loving. These past days I’ve been noticing how I was repeatedly telling myself that I’m exhausted. It’s as if every fiber of my beating heart is but a pulp of dry straw, and at any moment, will snap into powdery bits. Exhausted to the point of giving up on this quest for love.

Standing on the verge of hopelessness, that abyss not unfamiliar to a lot of people like us, I remind myself, Love, my Love, he’s still out there.

And suddenly, I thought, perhaps you, my Love, are exhausted too. Exhausted because for sure, for some time, you’ve also been looking for me. For sure, you are also getting impatient as the wait gets longer, and lonelier. Perhaps, you too, are standing on the same verge of hopelessness, worn out, contemplating on jumping over to that dark, damp abyss of jadedness.

No my Love, don’t. I am here. We just haven’t met yet. Or, maybe we have, but that we haven’t realized the Grand Destiny we’re meant to live, together, as life partners. But once we do, once you recognize it’s me, once I recognize it’s you, my Love, I shall lay your head on my lap. Tell you, before anything else, to rest and regain your strength. Recharge, and be at your very best. Because our journey together will be long, arduous, maybe even more exhausting, yet because I know we’re traveling together, it shall be, I promise to make it, well worth every little f*ckin’ waiting moment we spent looking for each other.

Original text from a previous post. Photo by Ian Felix Alquiros.

Nakakatawang nakakaasar ang puso. Minsan pakiramdam ko, ang ligalig niya. Di mapakali. May gustong landiin, pero nagpapakamayumi, a la Maria Clara. Ansarap ng pakiramdam. Nakakakilig. Pero sa totoo lang, wala naman talaga yun, kasi di niya alam na gusto ko siya. Hindi niya alam na nung nakilala ko siya, may nakanti siyang damdaming — lingid man sa kanyang kaalaman — naghahanap ng mamahalin.

Balik tayo sa puso kong maligalig. Nakakatuwa, kasi may naitatagong lakas pa pala ang pusong ito. May asim pa, ika nga. Kaya pa pala niyang kiligin, kaya pa pala niyang pasayahin ang sarili niya. Kaya pa rin kaya niyang magpasaya ng iba?

Pero, nakakaasar din ang pusong ito. Bakit? Dahil alam naman niyang desedido na ako. Ayoko ng magmahal. Oo, narinig ninyo yan. Ang plano ko, na sa 2010, okay na ako. Tapos na ako. I’ve gone deep, I’ve embraced love, I’ve dived in, all the way, over my head even, experienced it fully and completely. And so I say, “Alright now, I’m done, I’ve earned my right to detach from that thing called romantic love.” And, you know what? Saying that feels like being realistic. Pero, putcha. Ayan, pumasok na naman si puso. And everything crumbles back to the same old me.

Ang puso nga naman, nakakatawang nakakaasar.

Malamig daw ang Pasko ng mga bading na walang jowa. Join the Fabcasters and their peanut gallery as they attempt to discuss how it is to be single during the season of love. Go!

Listen: (16 min 16 sec)

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