hi migs. i’ve read one of your posts…and the comments regarding bi married man having relationship with other man. i myself is married with 2 kids and is now in a relationship with an 18 yr old guy with a lot of gf’s… this is my first relationship with another man after 12 yrs of marriage..i am his first. It isnt easy for both of us…we argue a lot… because we dont know how to handle this kind of relationship. There are lots of risk for both of us. i dont want to destroy my family and jeopardize the future of my kids. and he doesn’t want to break his 5-yr relationship with one of his gf. But more than anything we are really best of friends and we don’t want to break the bond between us… we have separated a lot of times but we keep on coming back to save the relationship… sometimes i make the first move most of the time he would say sorry and try to win me back… ron
Been reading your blog so i know im bi (married with 2 kids) – i enjoyed being with both sexes and i don’t have any problem getting one when i was younger. But since i got married, it’s more of loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.
I work in a hotel sales department and got a new assistant last month (hired and interviewed by HR). On the day he was introduced to me, we got good vibes for each other and we were so comfortable with each other right then. For the next few days and weeks, we tell each other our life stories, we went out for a picnic with my family and him with his gf (of 5 years).
Since he is 10 years my junior (I’m 31, he’s 21), i treat him like a brother – i am his mentor and confidante. But here is the dilemma – just like your latest posts here about bromance and “straight guys can’t keep off….“; we are so close and comfortable that we play around the office and off-work (sports or night-out). Sometimes if i’m on the phone or on the computer or while me driving; he would come up and tickle me, touch my thighs, my shoulders (pressing it like massage), hug me or anything contact. he is also thoughtful and sweet; he brings me chocolate sometimes and bought me a shirt after he went out for a 2-day out-of-town business trip. As for me, i try to be discreet and not show him the same way coz i know it would hurt me, or my family in the future.
But yesterday was a different story – we were out for lunch (haven’t seen him for one week – i was on vacation) and he asked me if I missed him, I then asked him if he misses me – then he said yes. We were laughing at my vacation stories and playing around the food when until he said “I love you bro!” – i was a bit surprised and i looked at him, he was serious and i told him “don’t worry, i love you too”.
So what should my next move be? ask him if he’s gay? How will i do it? Whats the best way to know if a person is bi or gay? Should i return the favor – show the same feelings he is showing me? I don’t mind if we go to bed too, he is hot and good looking (btw, he is caucasian, im halfer Fil-Can) so maybe tell me how i can seduce him.
But I dont wanna ruin our friendship if i made a wrong move.
Thanks so much!
Hello Married Man,
I admire you for your loyalty and your commitment not to cheat on anyone. I see so much lack of integrity in this world that when I hear someone declare their loyalty and integrity, I feel so refreshed and inspired.
Your letter is riddled with red flags, but still I focus on what you say early on in your letter: “loyalty and promise NOT to cheat on anyone.” I recognize that this is my set of values latching on, resonating with yours. So take the following as it is — my desire for a world whose people are true to themselves, and are true to their promise as well.
You asked what your next move should be. Allow me then to offer my thoughts, and while this may not be agreeable to all, they are my truth, my lush, pulsating, up-to-the-minute truth:
1. Don’t shit where you eat.
2. He is your assistant.
3. You have chosen to be a loyal married man, blessed with 2 kids.
Connect the dots and you know what I’d say your next move should be. You yourself treasure the friendship. I would hold on to this. Friendship is such a beautiful thing. Not all our guy relationships should end up in bed. We are very sexual beings but we should not allow this fact to define every aspect of who we are. There are other beautiful things in life such as loyalty, integrity, family, and yes, even platonic friendships.
I know what I’m recommending is a difficult track. I wish you strength.
Hi Pre Migs!
Dumating na time ko to tell you about myself. I am happily married with one kid. I’ve been working abroad for more than 15 yrs na. Since pagkabata, I know myself na may pagka-berde ang dugo ko, pero since then I’ve kept it to myself, the other side of me. I have a very loving and understanding wife, ika nga, what more can I ask for?
Before I got married and even while married, I had relationships with the opposite and the same sex. Ganun siguro pag malayo kayo sa isa’t isa ng asawa mo. My wife kasi is also working outside the country, nasa US siya. Ako naman, nag-Saudi for 4 years, then went to Dubai where I worked for 10 years. Year 2005 when i went home to Pinas and decided na di na bumalik ng Dubai.
Noong nasa Pilipinas na ako, okay ang lahat kahit wala ang asawa ko (nasa US nga siya). Dahil doon, natuto ako na makipagtext with the same sex, and makipag-meet and, the usual, have sex. Going to massage parlors, gay bars and Fahrenheit ang naging hobby ko.
Early last year, I came to the point na gusto ko nang magpakamatay sa sobrang guilt ko dahil sa kasalanan ko kay God and to my wife. Parang di ko na kaya. Pero God was still there to help me. May of last year I got an email from a friend in Africa asking me if I want to work again pero sa Africa nga. Sabi ko sige para new environment and para matigil sa mga ginagawa kong mali dyan sa Pinas. Sa ngayon, nandito ako, solo sa Africa at nagta-trabaho. Pero honestly hinahanap-hanap ko ang mga boys dyan sa atin.
Till next time. World Peace!
When someone approaches you, a gay man, married with a wife and perhaps a kid or two, saying he feels guilty yet he clearly has a penchant for men, what do you do? What do you tell him?
Do you tell him: stop your philandering and be straight with your wife! That he should deny his real self coming out because he has committed himself to a woman?
Do you tell him: it’s okay, be yourself.That he has to prioritize who he really is, and that his marriage to a woman was in the first place a mistake he made out of foolish thoughts and assumptions?
Do you tell him: you’re a fuckin’ mess, you son of a bitch! This to a man who has enough self-hatred as to even consider suicide?
Do you tell him: hate the sin, not the sinner. This to someone who may not even be able to distinguish between the two? Because much as he tried for years to pluck out the sin from the sinner, even marrying a girl in the hopes that his being gay may just magically fade away, the sinner is still left sinful and, the sin not a tad faded but as clear, even more, as it has ever been before?
Tell me, dear friends in this blog, how do we deal with gay married men?
I’ve been reading your blog for almost three years and im so happy dahil maraming humihingi ng advice syo. Anyway just call me Macky, I just wanna share my story or should I say a problem. I’m a straight acting bi, walang nakakaalam kung ano ang tunay na feelings ko. Very discreet sabi nga nila. Nagwowork ako sa isang amusement company as operations manager for almost a decade, then minsan naaassign ako sa malayong lugar. Right now 6 months na ako sa Mindanao.
[This is a contribution from MGG reader named Red. Posting it here, verbatim.]
I’d like to share my own experience, though too long for the viewers’ eyes. This is something unbelievable and could make for a good script for a movie that it could even rival the story of the Brokeback Mountain. Just to find release, I’d like to see it posted in no less than Migs’ site, so that others may be enlightened or inspired, or of whatever purpose it could serve to the readers. More importantly, my story opposes that of the twink-hungry and abusive PLU (gay) teachers’ usual portrayal by the media. Let me do it by way of using Southborder’s famous songs and the songs I’d love to listen to.
Alam ko dami mo letter-sender na inspiring ang mga messages nila. Hindi ko alam kung medyo kakaiba ito but this is real at gusto ko ishare sa mga readers mo.
I’m 29 years old, very happily married but no child yet by choice and straight-acting. Hindi ko itatanggi na I have been practicing this orientation for almost 5 years and so far so good.. At alam mo naman siguro pag mga straight-acting, mas active ang sex-life kesa sa mga open or so I think. Naranasan ko na halos lahat ng klase ng gay-sex. 3some, orgies, seb, name it. Malamang sa hindi, nagawa ko na. Kaya masasabi ko na bato na ang puso ko sa emosyon. Hindi na ako madaling maattach emotionally sa mga kasex ko. Until recently.
Late bloomer – that’s the term we usually use to describe those people who explored their homosexuality a little later than usual. This is the case of JC, our letter sender for today. JC is set to get married to his girlfriend of 4 years early next year, when he recently met the to-be-wife’s gorgeous hunky cousin Daryl. In short, Daryl turned JC’s world upside down, and the to-be-husband is naturally confused. The question: should he risk his wedding plans to give himself a chance to explore his dormant homosexual tendencies? Or should he shut the feelings up, and go straight on with his heterosexual plans?
I chance upon your site while surfing today. Wonderful site for gay people. I feel so comfortable with your site. I was able to read the letter of fatboyslim and some of the advices that were given to him by your readers (some are rude) that I decided to share to you my problem and hopefully I will be able to get some advice from you and your readers.
I am John, friends call me JC, 29 years old and currently connected with a call center here in Ortigas. I have a girlfriend for 4 years now, and we’re planning to get married early next year. I love her for God knows how long, (we’ve been together since high school) and I know she will be the one I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The problem started last December.
Not all who write to me are readers carrying crosses, problems, and issues. This one in particular, a woman who calls herself Monalisa, is a happy reader, a happy writer, who testifies how happy she is that her husband is a gay man. Read on.
i’ve been longing to send you this mail but time really does not permit me to do so until now.
i hope you can withhold my identity as well as my husband’s … he comes from a well off family in leyte and he’s gay — but not the open type — the best term could be CLOSET GAY.
How are you? I’m an avid reader of manilagayguy.net. This blog helps a lot of gay people to share information and stories. This really makes you one of the best things that happened to the Filipino gay community.
Anyway I’m writing to you to share my own story and I wish to seek for your personal advice as I know that you are a very reasonable person with sound judgment. My story started when I was 13 years old. During that time I already knew that I was gay. Nobody knows within my family and circle of friends. I was invited by one of my cousins to attend a birthday party in their house. He was 21 years old that time. After the party, I told my cousin that I needed to go home since my curfew was 10pm. He told me that it was better that I stayed overnight as it was not safe anymore to go home. In short I spent the night in their house.
I hope everything’s fine on your end.
I am not your usual reader (Yes, I am a real woman). I came across this great site upon researching about a person’s sexuality. Well, my husband, Ram. And I thought, you can provide a sound advice given a gay man’s perspective.
I’m Ria, I’m a mother of two, a 7-year old and a 2-year old, both girls. I have been married for seven years to Ram, a nice person and a good looking man (I’m proud that my husband is such a cutie). He was my boyfriend for two years in college and after college, we got married because I got pregnant.
He is a good, loving husband and a great father. Aside from fighting from usual, petty things – we are doing good, almost perfect. Except for one, for seven years, I feel that this marriage is a marriage of three people, he has a gay lover — which I knew even before we got married. All these years, I learned to accept our situation but I am now having a change of heart.