After almost 8 years of being together, having enjoyed that simple life with the one he loves, Paul felt different. People in relationships actually change. He says, “I think I needed to grow, I have to assert who I am, maybe I lost myself in the relationship.” This is how we start this fourth part of this podcast series on the story of Sam and Paul. If Part 3 is the OMG episode of the series because the Fabcasters themselves were continually shocked with details of the revelations, here in this part, they calm down a bit–yet the shocking revelations didn’t stop coming. We’ve been desensitized! You will hear about sexual infidelities, “puwede naman ang dalawang ka-relasyon, di ba?,” tatluhan, apatan, limahan, and more. Yet underneath it all, listen for what really is happening between the two as they whirl around all the many eventualities and issues in the relationship.
â€œâ€¦that was the point that I thought I should stop meeting other people, that I should be more serious, or something. Tapos biglang may nag-text. Siya yun.â€ And so they dated, mated, and now still a couple, 8 years and counting. This is the story of Sam and Paul.
In this second part of the fabcast, the lovely couple talks about the first 3 years of their relationship, lovey-dovey sweet stuff and all. Then watch out for the glimmer of a twist towards the end of this second part of the fabcast. This is where the conversation takes a critical turn. Parang telenovela lang. Go!
Back in college, there was this one moment I particularly remember when Joseph and I was killing time in our tambayan in UP. I remember how happy we were that time, for reasons that escape me now. What made that day memorable was, as we were talking, exchanging stories, somebody called our attention.
“Huy, Migs! Joseph! Ang sweet ninyo naman, magka-holding hands pa kayo.”
And there we were, both surprised, holding our breath and wondering how it all happened unconsciously– my right hand in his left, spaces between my fingers filled by his, interlocked.
I am writing to you para maliwanagan ako sa lahat ng nangyari sakin. My name is Yours (a loan word from my true name so basically not really my real name, just sounded like my nickname. Actually there is a unique spelling of that nickname but to protect my privacy i just loaned the word as well as the spelling), 20 from Cebu. To be honest, I am bothered right now kung sino ba talaga ako lalo pa’t parang nagkagusto na ako sa kapwa ko lalaki na ang pangalan ay Emman (not his true name).
Here’s the much-awaited conclusion of the latest podcast where we had 2 gay guys (Sam and Johnny) sharing their heterosexual relationships. In this part, the conclusion, we tackle their plans on how to move forward with this peculiar, peculiar situation. Listen in and enjoy (especially the words of wisdom from our intelligent/funny peanut gallery members)!
Whenever I pass by Araneta Avenue, somewhere near its intersection with E. Rodriguez Avenue in Quezon City, I remember Fiel. There, in a nearby street corner, in front of a Chinabank branch, we first met. It was an evening eyeball (EB) meeting following an online chat session. I remember that first meeting with fondness, as he impressed me as a funny guy. I was very new in the gay EB/meet-up game, and understandably nervous. But during that first EB, he was so cool, even cracking jokes to make the meeting light. Fiel was dashingly handsome, the TV camera-worthy kind of handsome, yet it was his personality that struck me. I was immediately drawn to him.
The Fabcasters (Gibbs, McVie, Tony, CC, and yours truly) plus Kiko (is he gonna be a regular fabcaster?) talk about gay relationships, particularly addressing the question — paano nga ba magka-jowa ang isang bading? Saan ba magandang maghanap ng potential partner? Dapat ba hindi na muna mag-sex during dating para maging seryoso ang man-to-man relationship?
These questions, and many more, are answered in this fabcast. Go, listen!
LISTEN (30 mins):
First, I would like to greet your MGG Blog a Happy 3rd Anniversary. Your blog makes my monotonous work day exciting. I used to work in a call center in Makati when I discovered your blog, from then on I was addicted and always excited to check it everyday. Hanggang ngayon pwede ko nang sabihing parte na siya ng daily routine ko.
I was born and raised in Bacolod City, after graduation I went here to review for the Board Exams (ECE Board), needless to say, hindi pa kasing open ng Manila ang Bacolod as far as same-sex relationship is concern kaya nakakagulat when I first got here. Bata pa lang ako, since my mom is a teacher, I was raised to be masunurin at masipag mag-aral, in short NERD. I was a consistent honor student then, pero LONER, I never experienced the typical Barkada nung high school. Everytime may gusto ako, since I don’t have anyone to share it with, I’m making a note addressed to GOD and keep it in a box, wala pa kasing cellphone nun. It was always been my prayer to have someone I can call my own, not necessarily a lover… Bestfriend ok na. Together with that prayer, I completed the simbang gabi… novena mass at kung anu-ano pa. I am not religious but I always have my time for prayer. Siguro nasanay na din na siya lagi kausap ko dahil nga hindi ako mahilig makipag friends before. (Hindi na ngayon..lol)
Alam ko ever since that there’s something different about me compared to my male classmates. Until college, hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ako, I tried to do things straight people do, name it I’ve done it… siguro ma convince ang ibang tao na straight ako, kasabay nun ang pag convince din sa sarili ko na hindi ako ganun. Pero I was 3rd year college then when I met Francis, Freshman. He was maputi, long hair, chinito, matangkad, gwapo. (This is it!)
I began to notice him nung ang mga girl classmates ko kinikilig pag dumadaan siya sa classroom. Fate as you may call it, since member ako ng Student Government, I was asked to spearhead all the Engineering freshmen for an activity for the Sportsfest, and yes kasama siya dun. Everytime may practice sila I was there to arrange for the transportation and the food. Ako din ang taga check ng attendance nila aat dahil diyan I have to publish my number for any notification kung hindi makakapunta sa practice. Nagtagal ang practice ng mga 1 buwan, dahil na rin sa schedule ko ay hindi ako laging nakakapunta sa mga practices nila.
One night, nag text siya na hindi na daw kasing saya ang practice kasi wala ako. Migs, prior to that incident, hindi kami nag-uusap, we we’re not even introduced to each other,at wala din kaming common friends. Simula nun, we’ve been texting na, though more on about sa practices at sa school related activities. Nothing personal.
Last practice nila bago ang performance the next day, around 10p na kami umuwi, habang naka-upo ako sa pedicab naghihintay ng ibang pasahero going inside our subdivision, out of nowhere naisip kong magtxt sa cellphone ko, sabi ko “God, kung siya man ang binigay mo sa akin give me a sign, gusto ko tumawag siya pag dating ko sa bahay.” tinago ko lang sa Draft ng cellphone. Suntok sa buwan ang text na yun, hindi nga kami nag uusap ng personal, at hindi ako sigurado kung ano siya… pati sarili ko hindi din ako sigurado kung ano.
Papasok ako ng bahay, tumunog yung phone, uso pa drop call nun, nagtanong kung naka-uwi na ako. After ilang tanong at sagot, humirit siya ng “Pwede mag apply?” At first, I thought application for the org, so I replied hindi pa pwede kasi 1st year pa lang siya… sabi niya mag a-apply daw siyang bestfriend ko. Sabi ko okey, pero na weirduhan ako sa sitwasyon, at that time nalimutan ko ang sign na hiningi ko.
The next day sabay kami na nuod ng game, nag lunch, umuwi ng sabay. Naging ganun ang set-up namin for several months, minsan sinasamahan ko siya sa ibang school para manligaw sa classmate niya nung high school. Naging okey ang takbo ng sitwasyon namin, naging automatic na sa mga professor ko na pag nawawala ako, sa kanya ako hinahanap. Until one day, tinanong niya ko kung pwede daw more than friends na kami, nalaman kong tumigil na siya sa panliligaw sa girl sa kabilang school.
Pumayag ako, pero hindi ko alam kung tama nga yung ginawa ko. Dumaan ang ilang araw na masaya kaming pareho, we agreed not to have sex yet, because we need to prove kung LUST ba o LOVE ang nararamdaman namin, we agreed to go to church every Wednesday after school for novena, simba every Sunday at every lunch break sa school… Sabi namin pambawi kay Lord.. Lahat ng ginagawa namin naka plano, wala kaming sinabihang friends for fear na we’re both known sa school at baka ma kick-out kami. We prioritized our studies for fear na if ever malaman ng family namin na kami na, hindi pwedeng gawing dahilan na pinabayaan namin ang school namin. Para walang maisumbat. From then on, naging confident ako sa sitwasyon namin, I introduced him sa family as a “friend” and gusto naman siya ng family ko. Ganun din ako sa family niya.
This coming September 12, we will be celebrating our 80th month as a couple. At some point your blog has been and is still an inspiration for the both of us.. nahawa na din siya kakabasa ng blog mo dahil sa akin. Through your blog, from the stories shared by other readers and your advice that comes after, we realized that what we have right now is something that not most PLU have and that we have to take care and appreciate it. Dahil nga never namin na experience magka ex-boyfriend, kung paano makipag eye ball o makipag date sa ibang tao… through your blog we get to learn something, na hindi na dapat umabot sa kailangan naming maranasan yun para ma realize ang importance ng isa’t isa.
Gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa’yo at sa iyong blog. Hindi ko man kayang i-express siya sa paraang karapat-dapat, gusto kong malaman mo na parte ng buhay namin ang blog mo… and we all know that any relationship will never be better without the help of friends, family and the things that inspire and teach you… at isa ka dun.
Siopao & Bunwich
Dear Siopao & Bunwich,
Maraming salamat sa inyong email. Sa totoo lang, kinilig ako (at naihi ng three-and-a-half drops!) habang binabasa ang inyong napakagandang story. Being together in a loving, same-sex relationship for 80 months is no small accomplishment. You are right, you have something that many of us fervently wish for, and your resolve to always cherish and appreciate it is so refreshing and inspiring. Your story gives us a sliver of shimmer of a glimmer of hope, that we too can find our other half, just like both of you. Tila ba kayo isang baso ng malamig na tubig sa aming mahabang, nakakauhaw na paglalakbay sa kasukalan ng buhay. Maraming salamat!
To more months and more years of loving companionship! Cheers!
Ang nakaraan: [Narito ang kabuuan ng nakaraan.]
Ramdam ko ang init na galing sa balat niya, nanunuot sa kalamnan ko. Sa gitna ng katahimikan, tumawa siya, mahina. Parang alam ko na kung ano ang mangyayari. Kumakabog ang dibdib ko na para bang may tatlumpung puso ang tumitibok sabay-sabay. Sabi ko na lang, pabiro, “gawin mo na ang gusto mong gawin.”
I read the following article by Cholo Hidalgo Laurel at Brian Gorrell‘s blog, and I was deeply struck. In the early part of his article he says, “Twelve years of tiptoeing around peopleâ€™s egos, witnessing the most evil power plays known to man, often compromising standards and never really feeling creatively fulfilled was just eating my soul up. Ergo, This happy man was not a very contented man. This man wanted to start doing things that meant something.” As I read through it, I felt so drawn to his passion to live a relevant, significant life, something much larger than himself. I so admire this kind of courage and high-mindedness.