Manila Gay Guy
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Hi Migs,

I never had an idea about you and your blog——until I bought one of your books out of curiosity.
Then I started to visit your blog and realized that I am not alone…that there are gay guys I can relate to. Just a different name, different sizes and different identities but we belong in just one community.

Here’s my story, I grew up in province and I used to be this effeminate gay guy until college. After graduation I decided to find a job here in Manila, and I don’t know why but I decided to change myself—-I mean, my preferences about everything. I started working out, bought new clothes and tried my best to really make myself look presentable and manly. I did all these things because I thought, that by becoming more manly, It’ll be easier for me to meet someone… someone I can call my partner.

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airplane Back in college, there was this one moment I particularly remember when Joseph and I was killing time in our tambayan in UP. I remember how happy we were that time, for reasons that escape me now. What made that day memorable was, as we were talking, exchanging stories, somebody called our attention.

“Huy, Migs! Joseph! Ang sweet ninyo naman, magka-holding hands pa kayo.”

And there we were, both surprised, holding our breath and wondering how it all happened unconsciously– my right hand in his left, spaces between my fingers filled by his, interlocked.

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Hi Migs,

Good day!

I am writing to you para maliwanagan ako sa lahat ng nangyari sakin. My name is Yours (a loan word from my true name so basically not really my real name, just sounded like my nickname. Actually there is a unique spelling of that nickname but to protect my privacy i just loaned the word as well as the spelling), 20 from Cebu. To be honest, I am bothered right now kung sino ba talaga ako lalo pa’t parang nagkagusto na ako sa kapwa ko lalaki na ang pangalan ay Emman (not his true name).

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Hi Migs,

First, I would like to greet your MGG Blog a Happy 3rd Anniversary. Your blog makes my monotonous work day exciting. I used to work in a call center in Makati when I discovered your blog, from then on I was addicted and always excited to check it everyday. Hanggang ngayon pwede ko nang sabihing parte na siya ng daily routine ko.

I was born and raised in Bacolod City, after graduation I went here to review for the Board Exams (ECE Board), needless to say, hindi pa kasing open ng Manila ang Bacolod as far as same-sex relationship is concern kaya nakakagulat when I first got here. Bata pa lang ako, since my mom is a teacher, I was raised to be masunurin at masipag mag-aral, in short NERD. I was a consistent honor student then, pero LONER, I never experienced the typical Barkada nung high school. Everytime may gusto ako, since I don’t have anyone to share it with, I’m making a note addressed to GOD and keep it in a box, wala pa kasing cellphone nun. It was always been my prayer to have someone I can call my own, not necessarily a lover… Bestfriend ok na. Together with that prayer, I completed the simbang gabi… novena mass at kung anu-ano pa. I am not religious but I always have my time for prayer. Siguro nasanay na din na siya lagi kausap ko dahil nga hindi ako mahilig makipag friends before. (Hindi na ngayon..lol)

Alam ko ever since that there’s something different about me compared to my male classmates. Until college, hindi ko alam kung ano talaga ako, I tried to do things straight people do, name it I’ve done it… siguro ma convince ang ibang tao na straight ako, kasabay nun ang pag convince din sa sarili ko na hindi ako ganun. Pero I was 3rd year college then when I met Francis, Freshman. He was maputi, long hair, chinito, matangkad, gwapo. (This is it!)

I began to notice him nung ang mga girl classmates ko kinikilig pag dumadaan siya sa classroom. Fate as you may call it, since member ako ng Student Government, I was asked to spearhead all the Engineering freshmen for an activity for the Sportsfest, and yes kasama siya dun. Everytime may practice sila I was there to arrange for the transportation and the food. Ako din ang taga check ng attendance nila aat dahil diyan I have to publish my number for any notification kung hindi makakapunta sa practice. Nagtagal ang practice ng mga 1 buwan, dahil na rin sa schedule ko ay hindi ako laging nakakapunta sa mga practices nila.

One night, nag text siya na hindi na daw kasing saya ang practice kasi wala ako. Migs, prior to that incident, hindi kami nag-uusap, we we’re not even introduced to each other,at wala din kaming common friends. Simula nun, we’ve been texting na, though more on about sa practices at sa school related activities. Nothing personal.

Last practice nila bago ang performance the next day, around 10p na kami umuwi, habang naka-upo ako sa pedicab naghihintay ng ibang pasahero going inside our subdivision, out of nowhere naisip kong magtxt sa cellphone ko, sabi ko “God, kung siya man ang binigay mo sa akin give me a sign, gusto ko tumawag siya pag dating ko sa bahay.” tinago ko lang sa Draft ng cellphone. Suntok sa buwan ang text na yun, hindi nga kami nag uusap ng personal, at hindi ako sigurado kung ano siya… pati sarili ko hindi din ako sigurado kung ano.

Papasok ako ng bahay, tumunog yung phone, uso pa drop call nun, nagtanong kung naka-uwi na ako. After ilang tanong at sagot, humirit siya ng “Pwede mag apply?” At first, I thought application for the org, so I replied hindi pa pwede kasi 1st year pa lang siya… sabi niya mag a-apply daw siyang bestfriend ko. Sabi ko okey, pero na weirduhan ako sa sitwasyon, at that time nalimutan ko ang sign na hiningi ko.

The next day sabay kami na nuod ng game, nag lunch, umuwi ng sabay. Naging ganun ang set-up namin for several months, minsan sinasamahan ko siya sa ibang school para manligaw sa classmate niya nung high school. Naging okey ang takbo ng sitwasyon namin, naging automatic na sa mga professor ko na pag nawawala ako, sa kanya ako hinahanap. Until one day, tinanong niya ko kung pwede daw more than friends na kami, nalaman kong tumigil na siya sa panliligaw sa girl sa kabilang school.

Pumayag ako, pero hindi ko alam kung tama nga yung ginawa ko. Dumaan ang ilang araw na masaya kaming pareho, we agreed not to have sex yet, because we need to prove kung LUST ba o LOVE ang nararamdaman namin, we agreed to go to church every Wednesday after school for novena, simba every Sunday at every lunch break sa school… Sabi namin pambawi kay Lord.. Lahat ng ginagawa namin naka plano, wala kaming sinabihang friends for fear na we’re both known sa school at baka ma kick-out kami. We prioritized our studies for fear na if ever malaman ng family namin na kami na, hindi pwedeng gawing dahilan na pinabayaan namin ang school namin. Para walang maisumbat. From then on, naging confident ako sa sitwasyon namin, I introduced him sa family as a “friend” and gusto naman siya ng family ko. Ganun din ako sa family niya.

This coming September 12, we will be celebrating our 80th month as a couple. At some point your blog has been and is still an inspiration for the both of us.. nahawa na din siya kakabasa ng blog mo dahil sa akin. Through your blog, from the stories shared by other readers and your advice that comes after, we realized that what we have right now is something that not most PLU have and that we have to take care and appreciate it. Dahil nga never namin na experience magka ex-boyfriend, kung paano makipag eye ball o makipag date sa ibang tao… through your blog we get to learn something, na hindi na dapat umabot sa kailangan naming maranasan yun para ma realize ang importance ng isa’t isa.

Gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa’yo at sa iyong blog. Hindi ko man kayang i-express siya sa paraang karapat-dapat, gusto kong malaman mo na parte ng buhay namin ang blog mo… and we all know that any relationship will never be better without the help of friends, family and the things that inspire and teach you… at isa ka dun.

Thank you.

Siopao & Bunwich

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Dear Siopao & Bunwich,

Maraming salamat sa inyong email. Sa totoo lang, kinilig ako (at naihi ng three-and-a-half drops!) habang binabasa ang inyong napakagandang story. Being together in a loving, same-sex relationship for 80 months is no small accomplishment. You are right, you have something that many of us fervently wish for, and your resolve to always cherish and appreciate it is so refreshing and inspiring. Your story gives us a sliver of shimmer of a glimmer of hope, that we too can find our other half, just like both of you. Tila ba kayo isang baso ng malamig na tubig sa aming mahabang, nakakauhaw na paglalakbay sa kasukalan ng buhay. Maraming salamat!

To more months and more years of loving companionship! Cheers!

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Here’s a series of letters I received from someone who calls himself “ILoveAlec” a Pinoy gay guy in Malaysia.

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Hi Migs,

I’m a big fan of your site. I always read whatever you put there. I’m the guy that hates drama hehehehe. I’ve been wanting to write you for the longest time but can’t find good story to share until yesterday Nov 8, 2008.

I’m currently in Malaysia for a short visit. Yesterday I went to see the Petronas out of curiosity because I’ve been hearing a lot of good words from people who see it and also from the movies.

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Dear Migs,

Let me start by saying how confused I am right now. Just call me Boy. I admit that I have learned to accept who I am years ago, so I thought. I’m a straight-acting bisexual, In fact, meron din akong circle of gay and bi friends and as far as I recall, minsan ginagawa akong escort ng mga gay friends ko, kunwari boyfriend nila ako, just for the sake of fun. I’ve had previous relationships with the same sex too, but as years passed by deep inside, I realize that that was not what I wanted or something like that. Then I guess that was the start of a struggle, an inner struggle, which I find most difficult to cope with. Suddenly may fear ako naramdaman, fear of discrimination, fear na mapahiya because sa mundo ginagalawan ko presently hindi declared my other side. Why I didn’t tell them in the first place? I really don’t know…

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Hi Migs,

I’ve been reading your blog for almost three years and im so happy dahil maraming humihingi ng advice syo. Anyway just call me Macky, I just wanna share my story or should I say a problem. I’m a straight acting bi, walang nakakaalam kung ano ang tunay na feelings ko. Very discreet sabi nga nila. Nagwowork ako sa isang amusement company as operations manager for almost a decade, then minsan naaassign ako sa malayong lugar. Right now 6 months na ako sa Mindanao.

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Dear Migs!

Just wanted to commend on the success of your blog, Im one of the regular readers and comfortable reading your entries and comments and personally waiting again for you to buzzed me again when you’re in my area (San Francisco). I never thought that one day I will write to ask for an advice.

I joined a Christian community to a thought that I can be change, not….. though im trying. Just when I thought I will live a straight life when I met in the community Mac-Mac just a regular guy and not my usual type as I described him to my friends. But the guy is oozing with sex appeal. Then I remember a saying that you will never find your ideal person but instead you will be given the opposite of it and I think he is the one. Not my ideal but yet i like the person. Now the catch… he is straight again straight!

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[This is a contribution from MGG reader named Red. Posting it here, verbatim.]

I’d like to share my own experience, though too long for the viewers’ eyes. This is something unbelievable and could make for a good script for a movie that it could even rival the story of the Brokeback Mountain. Just to find release, I’d like to see it posted in no less than Migs’ site, so that others may be enlightened or inspired, or of whatever purpose it could serve to the readers. More importantly, my story opposes that of the twink-hungry and abusive PLU (gay) teachers’ usual portrayal by the media. Let me do it by way of using Southborder’s famous songs and the songs I’d love to listen to.

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I’ll be out for a while. Here’s a recent letter I received — unedited, verbatim. Read and help our Dubai boy while savoring the rock-hard midsection of this 21-year-old hunk from Cosmomen 2008, Ryan Garalde.

Dear Migs,

Greetings from Dubai!

I am a straight-acting gay guy. I became more discreet here because I was afraid that I might find difficulties to find friends if I show my other side. I don’t have relatives or even friends that know me that can help if in case they will not accept me. Everything was new to me and everything was so hard pretending to be like others.

After a year since I came, I woke up one morning on my colleague’s arms after a long drinking session. He was Richard, (I thought) a straight-acting like me. As far as I can remember he initiated everything.

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