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Hi Migs,

I’ve been a reader of your blogs ever since. I also support your HIV screenings once in a while. Funny thing, I went with my boyfriend in two of those events.

Anyway, here is my problem. I recently discovered that my boyfriend has an alter twitter account. If you’re unfamiliar with the alter twitter-verse, it’s full of usually gay men who posts their bodies and sexual encounters. These men use an alternate twitter (not their public twitter) to do this. I follow several of them in my public account for porn, you know jacking off mostly.

I confronted him about it. He said he only created that to check up on me, because I follow these alter accounts on twitter. I said to him that I only use them for porn. I don’t even have an alter account because I find it so cumbersome. I saw his posts in his alter account there were several posts with photos on it (half naked). Some tweets with some our conversation topics. He said it was to lure me on taking the bait. If I do have an alter and I saw his alter posts I will have to find to talk him about it. Which makes sense. But the thing that bothered me the most is he has a direct message from some alter asking to have a hook up, and he replied “Where and where?”. That guy replied back, but he didn’t. I asked him about that and he said, he wanted to see if it was me. He said to me: “You see, I didn’t respond to his messages after I asked him ‘when and where?'”. Because after he knew that it wasn’t me, he stopped.

The last activity in that account was November 2016. He said that was the last time he opened his alter. I saw it on his phone because he forgot how the password and just remembered it. He deleted his alter account in front me and apologized. His ex did that to him. He was paranoid that he wanted to check on me too. His ex had several Facebook accounts and PR accounts, he did the same to his ex to catch him, because his ex was fooling around. That’s why they broke up.

I guess my question is should I believe him? I believed him because I love him so much. I forgave him and we made up. But what do you think? Am I being too forgiving here? I love him so much.

Thanks,
N.A.A.H. (No Alter Account Holder)

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On this question — I am aware I’m very biased. I’m good friends with all my ex’s. From what I hear among my friends, this is not the case for many. This is, in summary, what our model-reader friend here is asking in his letter. Read on and share your thoughts. (I’ll keep quiet this time, as my answer’s quite obvious.)

* * *

Dear Migs,

Im 23, around 5’7. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months.
the thing is, I have been single for 4 years before I met him.
yep, 4 years. yes, I would go on dates, i have M.U’s.
suffice to say, in that 4 years, there were a lot of people I dated and there were a couple who almost made me commit. but i never did. because i never commit half baked.

I’m a part time model, during one taping for a tv series, I met this other model, relatively younger than me. I’m 23, he was 20.

I thought we were just going to be friends, he will be handled by star magic soon (at that time he was with viva) so i never thought that he would be into guys.

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dear migs (aaaargh!),

i am a bit confused right now and thought, well, why not get someone else’s opinion? simply put, i started going to bed (twice now) with a friend and colleague of four years. problem is, we never talk about it afterwards, pretending nothing out of the ordinary happened. and we carry on as usual — good friends enjoying each other’s company. and i hate the uncertainty of it. what are we? friends? fuck buddies (hardly. we’ve done it twice lang)? friends with fringe benefits?

his name is josh and he was my former staff. i was attracted to him the first time we met in 2006 but i kept my feelings in check because my mantra then was ”wag magkalat sa sariling bakuran”. i am in my early 40s; he is 31. we quickly became good friends because we shared a lot of interests (of course it helped that he is goodlooking and funny and smart).

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Hello, Migs

I’m a 29-year old gay guy working as an editor in a multinational company. Everything in my life is pretty much in place: I have a stable job, started saving up for my future, a good health and well-being, I have passion, interests, hobbies, advocacy, and direction in life. I’m sociable, have a wonderful family and quality friends. I know where to go and is relatively happy and found joy in simple things. All these I learned (and earned) after crawling through broken glass, among other challenges and lessons in life that made me a better person.

But I haven’t dated or been asked out for over a year now. I thought that perhaps I should re-evaluate things that I need to improve about myself. But I’ve always trusted fate. That the universe will give me things that I deserve without asking for it.

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“Hey,” he texted.

“Hey. What a pleasant surprise. I just got back from the US. How are you?” I replied. It was our first text conversation after almost 2 years of no communication.

“Okay naman. Eto, tatlo na ang anak. My girlfriend just gave birth. Hehe. Ikaw, kamusta?”

“I’m good, medyo di pa nakaka-adjust sa time zone. Buti naman naalala mo ako.”

“There are just some people that are hard to forget, Migs. Hehe.”

“Touched naman ako. Hey, we should get together soon. I’m leaving again in a few weeks, and won’t be back till before Christmas.”

“Viajero! Sure, let me know your preferred sched. Between us, you’re the busier one.”

“I’ll text you when. What do you wanna do when we meet up?”

“I don’t know. You, what do you wanna do?”

“Perhaps dinner, coffee, conversation…”

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

“And I’d like a kiss from you too. You okay with that?”

“I’d love that. Perhaps we should get some place private…”

* * *

Yes, that was Attorney I was talking to over SMS.

Sigh.

Hello Migs,

To be honest di ko alam kung paano ko uumpisahan ang email na ‘to. Uumpisahan ko ba sa tanong?

Paminsan minsan ako nagbabasa ng mga sinusulat mo sa website mo. Nagka interest ako dun sa kwento about the basketball player that you once loved (?). Sa situation ko ngayon di alam kung pareho tayo ng pinagdaanan.

Sa isang sikat na liga ng basketball ko nakilala ang basketball player na nagdulot sakin ng sobrang sakit na kabiguan. May nag aalaga na talaga sa kanya dati isang taga showbusiness pero namatay na eto kamakailan lang. Sa madaling salita naging kami habang sila pa nung taga showbusiness na yun. Maganda ang umpisa ng relasyon namin. Open sya sakin. Lahat ng tungkol sa buhay nya alam ko. Dahil nga sa kami na, I supported him sa mga pangangailangan nya.

Sweet sya at thoughtful noong una. Pag di nagtitext, nagagalit sya. Sunod sunod ang text nya hangga’t di ako nagri reply sa kanya. Dumating ung time na I need to work abroad kasi very tempting ang offer. During the first few months maganda ang takbo ng relasyon namin. Regular texting. Kung nasaan sya nagsasabi sya at sinasabi rin nya kung sino mga ksama nya .Palagi ko sya tinatwagan sa phone. Sinubukan ko sya minsan, sabi ko tapusin na namin ung relasyon namin kasi parang mahirap ang kalagayan namin kasi masyadong malayo kami sa isa’t isa. Nagmamakaawa sya. Sabi nya ayaw daw nya dahil mahal na mahal na daw nya ako. Syempre, kinilig ako sa narinig ko kaya sabi ko sige subukan natin.

He informed me na may bago syang GF. He was happy to tell me na alam daw lahat ng GF nya ung sa amin. Para daw kahit magkasama sila makakapag text sya sa akin or matatawagan ko sya. As the days went on, parang nag iiba na sya. Napansin ko umpisa nung mamatay ung taga showbusiness na karelasyon nya nagbago sya bigla. Kinausap ko sya sabi ko bakit parang may nag iba na sa kanya. Parang mainit palagi ang ulo nya sakin. Dati ang mga text nya may “love” or labyu. Tinanong ko sya bakit ganun. Ang sabi nya busy lang daw talaga sya kaya ganun.

Isang madaling araw may mga missed calls ako from her GF. Kasunod nun mga text messages na masasakit from his GF. Di ko pinatulan. I called him up and told him him about it. Pero patay malisya. He even denied the number that his GF used was not known to him. But when I told him about the text messages from his celfon. Di sya nakapagsalita. Nagalit sya bigla sakin. Hanggang sa dumating ung time na di na nya aq tinitext. Pag tinatawagan ko sya binababaan nya ako ng phone. Masakit. Palagi mainit ulo nya sa akin. Tinanong ko sya one time kung mahal pa nya ako nagulat ako sa sinabi nya. Di nya daw alam. At ayaw na daw nya sa relasyon namin. Hirap na hirap na daw sya. Palagi na lang daw syang bad trip.

Nag makaawa ako sa kanya na bigyan nya ng second chance ang relasyon namin. Ayaw na daw talaga nya. Pero pinilit ko sya. Nag agree sya. Akala ko babalik pa sa dati ung pagtitinginan namin but it turned out to be a nightmare. May nababalitaan ako na palagi sya lumalabas ng isang gay businessman ng patago kasi ang tunay na alaga nung businessman ay ung star player nyang ka teammate. Tinanong ko about it lalo syang nagalit. Wala daw pala akong tiwala sa kanya kaya dapat daw tapusin na namin ang lahat lahat. Dahil daw sa akin ang dami daw nawala sa buhay nya. Pati GF daw nya iniwanan sya dahil sa akin. Pero hanggang ngayon kung ano binibigay ko sa kanya tinatanggap pa rin nya. Mahal na mahal ko talaga sya Migz.

TAMA BA ANG GINAGAWA KO? Dapat ko pa ba ipagpatuloy ang kabaliwan kong ito? Did you feel the same way with the basketball player you had before?

I need your advice badly. Please? Thank you.

Sincerely Yours,
        Lakers

* * *

Dear Lakers,

You asked, “dapat ko pa bang ipagpatuloy ang kabaliwan kong ito?” Alam mo Lakers, hango sa sabi ni Ate Maria, “ang kabaliwan hindi bine-beybi… Pinapatay.”

Huwag ka ng magpa-dribol-dribol pa sa mga eventualities na yan. Tama na ang panahon at perang ginugol mo kay Basketball Player. Napasaya ka naman niya, kinilig ka pa nga (at naihi ng three drops?). Maging thankful ka na lang sa mga nangyari. At isara mo na ang kabanatang iyan ng buhay mo, na may luha mang dumadausdos sa iyong pisngi, may ngiti namang namumuo sa iyong mga labi. Hugasan mo ang poot, palitan ito ng shining, shimmering splendor.

A new life awaits you, kumare. Marami pa tayo diyang mapapasayang lalake. Kung ako sa iyo, magkukulong lang ako sa banyo ng mga 21 minutes, inga-ngawa ko lang ito ng bonggang-bongga, tapos maligo ka. Maghilod, magsabon, ulitin pa ng 2 beses. Kunin ang shampoo. Wet hair, shampoo, rinse, and repeat. Mag-conditioner. Habang naghihintay ma-cure ang conditioner sa hair, sambitin ang mga salitang ito – “I am beautiful. I am lovely. I deserve beauty. I deserve love.” Ulitin ito nang mga 3 minutes, oo paulit-ulit, hanggang ma-cure ng husto ang conditioner sa buhok. Rinse thoroughly (para di magbalakubak sa anit.)

Step out of the shower as a renewed person. Ganyaaan. Ganyan nga. At huwag kakalimutan ang dapat ginagawa sa mga kasawian sa buhay. Ikembot lang yan at i-ngiti.

Nagmamahal,

Migs

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Matutulog na sana ako. Eh habang ginagawa ko ang aking nighttime beauty regimen, naalala ko ang isang taong matagal nang nakahulikipkip sa mga lamukos ng aking pagewang-gewang na utak. Si Carlo.

Hideo Muraoka

Taga-Caloocan si Carlo. Malayo sa bahay ko. Kahit de-kotse ako, umaabot ng isang oras ang pag-drive ko papunta sa bahay niya. Antrapik pa. Nakilala ko siya sa chat. Isang gabi, in-invite niya ako sa bahay niya. May inuman daw sila ng barkada niya. Mga bading din daw, pero straight-acting, ika niya. Fine, inuman lang pala. Gusto ko rin kasing makita sa personal si Carlo. Sa picture kasi, guwapo siya. Chinito. Half-japanese daw kasi. Eh alam niyo naman ako, weakness ko ang mga singkitin. Kaya hayun, kahit napakalayo, pumunta ako.

Sa madaling salita, umaatikabong inuman ang nangyari. Andun nga ang barkada niya. Sa kanilang lahat, si Carlo lang ang masasabi kong tunay na straight-acting. Yung iba, may kulot ang boses pag nagsalita, o di kaya, pag nagkukuwento, daig pa ang maestro ng Philharmonic orchestra sa pagkumpas ng pinky. Pinky pa lang yun ah. Pero wala naman akong problema sa ganun. Keri lang mga sister. Pare-pareho naman tayo deep inside.

Hindi lang sa pagka-straight-acting nangibabaw si Carlo sa mga barkada niya. Siya rin lang ang talagang may itsura. Actually, guwapo siya. Makinis. Medyo malaman ang katawan kaya masarap. Hindi siya gym-fit (actually di ko type ang mga bato-bato sa langit, sa gym kumakandirit), hindi naman siya chub. In short, like ko siya. As in.

Natapos ang gabi ng inuman, hindi naman ako nagpakalango ng husto. Kaya nakauwi ako ng matiwasay. Sa mga sumunod na araw, nagpakiramdaman kami ni Carlo. Mostly, sa text. Di ko alam kung trip niya ako. Pero alam ko, trip ko siya. Ansarap ng feeling nun. Parang high school all over again. Iba talaga ang rollercoaster ng pag-ibig.

Ilang ulit pa naganap ang mga inuman. Minsan, inaya ko siya. Tara sa condo unit ko, aya ko. Sumama naman siya. At doon ko nalaman na like din pala niya ako. Dahil sa sarili kong kama, nangyari ang pirmahan, if you know what I mean.

Mabait si Carlo. Malambing pa. Guwapo. At higit sa lahat, alam kong gustung-gusto niya ako. Gustong-gustong-gusto.

Kaso may bumagabag sa akin. Gusto ko na rin sana talaga si Carlo bilang kabiyak ng puso ko. Ang problema, school drop-out siya. Tila ba walang patutunguhan ang buhay. Wala akong makitang enerhiya sa kanya sa larangan ng pag-aaral o pagta-trabaho man lang. Langit at lupa ang estado namin pagdating sa income-level. May kaya ang pamilya niya, oo. Kaso, naisip ko, di naman siya sustentado magpakailanman. At bothered talaga ako na tila wala siyang ambisyon sa buhay.

At dahil nga doon, si Carlo, ang half-Japanese na guwaping, naging “muntik na” lamang. Unti-unti ko siyang pina-fade-out sa buhay ko. Parang isang kanta ni Regine Velasquez na pagkatapos bumirit-birit ay tuluyan na ngang nag-fade out into thin air (kasi tapos na ang kanta). Nagtampo siya sa akin, at di ko na siya sinuyo pang muli. Hanggang ngayon, wala pa rin kaming communication.

Iyan ang isa sa mga kuwento ko na di ko pa nabibigyang-pansin — di ko pa talaga napapag-isipan. Tama nga ba na pinaligamgam ko ang feelings ko sa kanya? Tama ba na dahil bothered lamang ako sa kahihinatnan ng aming difference in income/social level eh nilayuan ko na siya?

Matutulog akong nakadantay sa akin ang mga katanungang ito.

Migs

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Hello MGG readers! Here’s a letter from Marvin, a 26-year-old fellow reader from the Middle East. He’s in a predicament involving a 20-year-old guy based in the Philippines, thus the title “Kuya-Bunso Relationship.” Help me help Marvin by sharing your thoughts regarding his situation. Read on.

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Dear Migs,

Let me start by saying how confused I am right now. Just call me Boy. I admit that I have learned to accept who I am years ago, so I thought. I’m a straight-acting bisexual, In fact, meron din akong circle of gay and bi friends and as far as I recall, minsan ginagawa akong escort ng mga gay friends ko, kunwari boyfriend nila ako, just for the sake of fun. I’ve had previous relationships with the same sex too, but as years passed by deep inside, I realize that that was not what I wanted or something like that. Then I guess that was the start of a struggle, an inner struggle, which I find most difficult to cope with. Suddenly may fear ako naramdaman, fear of discrimination, fear na mapahiya because sa mundo ginagalawan ko presently hindi declared my other side. Why I didn’t tell them in the first place? I really don’t know…

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I’ll be out for a while. Here’s a recent letter I received — unedited, verbatim. Read and help our Dubai boy while savoring the rock-hard midsection of this 21-year-old hunk from Cosmomen 2008, Ryan Garalde.

Dear Migs,

Greetings from Dubai!

I am a straight-acting gay guy. I became more discreet here because I was afraid that I might find difficulties to find friends if I show my other side. I don’t have relatives or even friends that know me that can help if in case they will not accept me. Everything was new to me and everything was so hard pretending to be like others.

After a year since I came, I woke up one morning on my colleague’s arms after a long drinking session. He was Richard, (I thought) a straight-acting like me. As far as I can remember he initiated everything.

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