Hi Kuya Migs!
I identify myself as a young closeted *confused* lad, jacking off to numerous gay porn, fantasizing big (chubby/muscular) bodies etc, reading some gay fanfiction. movies about gay life etc. but I just really cannot connect or being friends with guys.
Everytime I am seeing a guy,regardless of where I am right now (In freshman year in college somewhere in Taft) my first impression ko sa kanila was the arrogant & cocky type, yung tipong mahilig mang-trip/mang-asar ng ibang tao. Also pala, yung mga typical interests ng mga boys, like online gaming, dota, some anime, basketball, sports, cars etc. never nakong nagkaroon ng interest.
And everytime some guy/manong calls me “pare”, “boss”, “brad” etc. I cringe… I really don’t know why. Maybe that I’ve developed some form of misandry or an identity crisis that I had experienced since my elementary days, where almost no boy wants to befriend me. I only had girls as my friends since then. Nagtuloy-tuloy ito during my highschool days, where most of guys in my age visit computer shops & playing basketball but I never had any interests in those things, as in wala talaga, hindi ako mag-clclick sa kanila (baka pati na rin sa inyo).
And the result is, wala akong naging kaibigan na mga lalaki ever since. Dahil nga, how can I be friends with them if I really do not have a common interest with them, e ano paguusapan natin?
And sadly, i’m really attracted physically & sexually to guys, gusto ko na nga maging babae eh.. 😛
I need some answers about my real identity is… wag kayong magagalit o maoffend sa mga words na nabasa nyo. 🙂