Manila Gay Guy

Hi Pre Migs!

Dumating na time ko to tell you about myself. I am happily married with one kid. I’ve been working abroad for more than 15 yrs na. Since pagkabata, I know myself na may pagka-berde ang dugo ko, pero since then I’ve kept it to myself, the other side of me. I have a very loving and understanding wife, ika nga, what more can I ask for?

Before I got married and even while married, I had relationships with the opposite and the same sex. Ganun siguro pag malayo kayo sa isa’t isa ng asawa mo. My wife kasi is also working outside the country, nasa US siya. Ako naman, nag-Saudi for 4 years, then went to Dubai where I worked for 10 years. Year 2005 when i went home to Pinas and decided na di na bumalik ng Dubai.

Noong nasa Pilipinas na ako, okay ang lahat kahit wala ang asawa ko (nasa US nga siya). Dahil doon, natuto ako na makipagtext with the same sex, and makipag-meet and, the usual, have sex. Going to massage parlors, gay bars and Fahrenheit ang naging hobby ko.

Early last year, I came to the point na gusto ko nang magpakamatay sa sobrang guilt ko dahil sa kasalanan ko kay God and to my wife. Parang di ko na kaya. Pero God was still there to help me. May of last year I got an email from a friend in Africa asking me if I want to work again pero sa Africa nga. Sabi ko sige para new environment and para matigil sa mga ginagawa kong mali dyan sa Pinas. Sa ngayon, nandito ako, solo sa Africa at nagta-trabaho. Pero honestly hinahanap-hanap ko ang mga boys dyan sa atin.

Till next time. World Peace!

Your Pre,
JAKE

When someone approaches you, a gay man, married with a wife and perhaps a kid or two, saying he feels guilty yet he clearly has a penchant for men, what do you do? What do you tell him?

Do you tell him: stop your philandering and be straight with your wife! That he should deny his real self coming out because he has committed himself to a woman?

Do you tell him: it’s okay, be yourself.That he has to prioritize who he really is, and that his marriage to a woman was in the first place a mistake he made out of foolish thoughts and assumptions?

Do you tell him: you’re a fuckin’ mess, you son of a bitch! This to a man who has enough self-hatred as to even consider suicide?

Do you tell him: hate the sin, not the sinner. This to someone who may not even be able to distinguish between the two? Because much as he tried for years to pluck out the sin from the sinner, even marrying a girl in the hopes that his being gay may just magically fade away, the sinner is still left sinful and, the sin not a tad faded but as clear, even more, as it has ever been before?

Tell me, dear friends in this blog, how do we deal with gay married men?

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Hi Migs,

Grabe ang article on “Abrazos with Joseph” ha. Parang 24.. I am sure that many of us are anxiously waiting for the next part. But you know, parang mas happy if it will not end with Joseph admitting that he’s gay. Besides, parang it will not lead to that naman, the way you had cut it between chapters. My guess is it is about another thing. Paduda ka lang eh. Heh heh.

But whatever the outcome of the third part is, just like many of the reactions I had seen, sobrang nakakakilig the way you wrote it. (Lumabas ang pagkabading ko, promise………….). Really Migs, (and as corny as this may sound……..) I think that you had touched many of your readers’ hearts.

I really just started following through your blog on male massage but I noticed that I was getting hooked in simply reading and browsing through interesting pictures, and comments. And interestingly, the most amusing and exciting observation I made about these postings is…………..MUKHANG MALI YATA ANG TITLE NG BLOG NI MIGS. HINDI DAPAT MANILA GAY GUY. Pucha, Migs, eh parang mas madami kang blogsters and fans na “straight”, “straight-acting”, or even “straight-aspiring” ah (I myself included, so promise po, no pun intended ang statement na to……..). Can you imagine people describing themselves as “mas astig pa nga ako doon sa masseur……..” OR “parang nasarapan yung masseur sa akin at mas malambot pa kumilos”, OR “nahiya lang ako magsabi kasi lalaking-lalaki ako sa office…….”

I know that despite the apparent openness of Manila, parang madami pa din na who would rather just keep it inside. I am married (with kids) and continue to have a healthy sex life with my wife. On the other hand, sans the guilt in the beginning, over time, I had already overcome this and now live a relatively comfortable life. Yun nga lang, only one person really knows about my other side. (The funny thing is when the people I meet in MGG ask me who knows, ang usual reply ko is one person lang, but if you will add all the masseurs that had done service, eh hehehehehe, parang pwede nang mag-organize ng cocktails. hahahaha)

I kind of envy you when you say how much relief being open has brought to you. Syempre, despite the enjoyment from whatever I do, parang mas masaya if you at least share it with a few friends. The way i see it, parang madami like me who would rather just really, really keep it to themselves. After all, “manageable naman……….” In one instance in Sanctuario, I saw this ex-colleague in the lockers at sa sobrang sindak ko, hindi ko pinansin only to regret it after. He looked like he wanted to connect pa naman. And to think that we are exactly of the same feather. I know his wife and (many of his) kids. I saw him the last time and he kinda avoided me na.

I have this funny thought that one day, you will organize an event for straight-acting people who are bold enough to even slowly take the chance of opening themselves up to others. Then in the event itself, lahat ng dadating, may basket sa ulo. So parang reunion ng ku klux klan or ng hukbalahap..

Cheers Migs.
Ton

Dear Dude, Pare, Chong, errr… Ton –

Basta’s masaya ka kung nasaan ka, kung saan mang kulay sa rainbow mo gustong magpa-slide-slide, hangga’t ika’y nasa tama’t walang inaalipusta’t inaapi, pasok ka pa rin sa banga. Mahal ka ng sangkabadingan. Sabi nga, unity in diversity.

May nag-comment dito sa MGG, pare-pareho lang naman daw ang mga bading, na ang nagbibigkis sa atin ay ang ating kagustuhang makasubo ng ari ng lalaki. I beg to disagree, mga ateh. Walang iisang hulma ang bakla. Walang nagbibigkis sa atin. Wala. Kung meron man, ito ay ang kagustuhan nating intindihin at suportahan ang bawat isa — sa bawat liko, lalim, at tarik ng ating mga pinagdadaanang bonggang-bonggang buhay. O-ha!

World Peace!

Nagmamahal,
Migs

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Lahat ba ng mga tinatawag na “pamintang bading” — yung mga baklang asal lalake, “straight” sa kilos, pananalita, at pananamit — ay mga nagbabalatkayo, mapagkunwari, mapagpanggap, at mapanlinlang na mga nilalang?

Here’s a letter from a new reader of this blog, and I want to give him credit for taking time to write the following piece. His letter aims to let the world know that indeed there are such (delicious) things as “Straight-Acting Gay Men” (adjective in parenthesis totally mine, he-he-he!) I agree with him. Totally. This, however, does not negate the fact that there are PLUs (People Like Us) out there who just try so hard to be butch while every cell of their body shouts “Zaturnnah!” Nothing wrong with that din naman because I believe in the adage, “walang basagan ng trip!”

Kaya naman mga ‘tol, pare, chong, pati na rin kayong mga ‘teh, ninang, at madam, accept that our PLU universe is as diverse as fishes in the ocean, so we can truly embrace and celebrate the beauty and power that is common among us men who love other men. Charoz! O, here’s the letter na, feel free to express your opinion din after reading.

Hello Migs,

I started reading your blog just this morning, since a friend of mine mentioned your website while we were chatting on y.m. last night. Your website is very practical for the typical Filipino gay man. It really does fit the title of the website. I find your blogs very informative, creative and practical. There are also a lot of posted short stories that can either break or touch the reader’s heart.

Though I would just like to share my opinion in regards to your blog entry ‘Straight Acting, Straight Catching’, and to some user comments, that I don’t really necessarily agree with. I’m quite sure that you value different point of views when it comes to homosexuality since it is a very diverse issue. It’s almost been a year since you posted it online, but I would just like to share my thoughts about straight-acting gay men. I would really appreciate it if you could post my letter on your website. My purpose is not to offend effeminate gay men, but simply to educate people that ‘NATURAL STRAIGHT-ACTING GAY MEN’ really do exist. We are not an endangered species, or something that can only be counted as a myth.

NATURAL STRAIGHT-ACTING GAY MEN

I’m a 26 year old guy, who felt the existence of my ‘homosexual side’ around 6 or 7 years ago during my late teens. Though I still find women sexually attractive ( I had 3 serious relationship with the opposite sex before I started seeing my first guy), there are times that I’m also craving for the other side. I was in complete denial when I was in my teens (I have a lot of guy friends, and at that age are naturally homophobic – ayoko mawalan ng kalaro sa basketball!). It was quite hard during my college days since for some strange reasons, there are really a lot of hot guys in my school. Though I was very much in love with my girlfriend at that time, it really helped a lot to conceal my bisexual behavior. When I was about to graduate, I worked as a part time model, while completing my OJT hours in the same company. As usual, good looking guys are all over the place, and that’s when all my troubles began. I always believe that I am straight. I always lied to myself subliminally that I’m just going through an awkward phase. A guy model ( who was openly gay – and yes a genuine straight-acting dude) became one of my friends who, a few months later told me that he secretly was hoping that I’m gay or even just a wee bit bi because he wanted a chance for us to become more than friends. I was very much in denial at that time, and I lied my heart out with a solid “NO, I’M NOT GAY”, “sorry, I don’t swing with your team”. Until today, I still regret my actions, and felt guilty for playing the world’s biggest hypocrite. This is around the point that I started to sort my thoughts. After sorting things out (on why am I so confused), I realized that I am in fact a homophobic myself. My biggest fear was actually to be a stereotype victim by people those who are close to me. Diversity in homosexuality really does genuinely exist, and that is when I started to become comfortable with myself. That is also the point in my life that I stopped judging and bashing effeminate gay men. Honestly, I am still not comfortable (super hindi parin talaga) with the company of an effeminate gay man. Though the difference now is, I completely respect them for who they are. They have every right to live the life they want/ are comfortable with.

I have always been happy and comfortable with myself physically. Though the reason that I label myself ‘ bisexual’, is simply because I still get sexually attracted to women. Assuming that that I don’t find myself playing on both teams, well then, I won’t have a problem labeling myself as a gay guy. Yes, it is true that tons of gay men (especially in the Philippines) only pretend to be bisexual to avoid becoming a victim of stereotyping. Honestly speaking, I can’t blame these guys for trying to protect their image, which is being just like any normal guy except for just one tiny detail – finding other guys sexually attractive instead of woman. But aside from that, everything else is pretty much ‘straight’. I already been through different places in North America, and I can’t help but notice that gay culture is quite different in other parts of the world.. In North America, some gay men are so masculine that they could easily beat the crap out of any straight guy. In the U.S. Gay men is not an automatic term for ‘binabae’. Some gay folks (specially the effeminate ones – the usual trapped in a man’s body mentality), can’t get over the fact that there are a lot of gay/bisexual men who never felt trapped in a man’s body or has no hidden desires/fantasies on becoming a woman . Yes, gay/bisexual men who are happy being born ‘a man’ do exist, and there are a lot of us in this planet!. In my case (same with my guy) we are both happy being guys-period. We never wanted /desired/craved to wear women’s clothing. The guy that I’m dating (just a special friend) is very much straight acting because he is just being himself. There are no struggles to pretend, exactly just the same in my case. We are just being ourselves. We don’t act straight for the sake of covering up our real sexuality, but simply because that’s the way we really are. We do things that straight guys do because we are comfortable doing ‘straight stuff’, which would reflect to our mannerisms as well. If a person feels or think that he is a woman, it would also reflect on his mannerism –same concept. I tune up/set up our cars, play basketball, violent videogames and tons of other stuff that straight guys typically enjoy because we are happy being guys, doing ‘guy stuff’. Yes, there are ‘struggling’ straight-acting men in the gay community, but let us not forget that there are also a lot of ‘NATURAL STRAIGHT-ACTING MEN’. Yup, we really do exist, at nagpapakatotoo lang kami! Peace!

Paulo

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I’ll be out for a while. Here’s a recent letter I received — unedited, verbatim. Read and help our Dubai boy while savoring the rock-hard midsection of this 21-year-old hunk from Cosmomen 2008, Ryan Garalde.

Dear Migs,

Greetings from Dubai!

I am a straight-acting gay guy. I became more discreet here because I was afraid that I might find difficulties to find friends if I show my other side. I don�t have relatives or even friends that know me that can help if in case they will not accept me. Everything was new to me and everything was so hard pretending to be like others.

After a year since I came, I woke up one morning on my colleague�s arms after a long drinking session. He was Richard, (I thought) a straight-acting like me. As far as I can remember he initiated everything. (more…)

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Do you remember the “Closet Badets” — Marco, Dencio, and Paulo, the three straight-acting gay guys we featured here in a podcast? We will be doing another podcast recording TONIGHT — this time, together with the Fabcasters! Do you have questions you want to ask the Closet Badets? Or the Fabcasters? Do you want us to focus on a topic that you think would be interesting to you and the rest of the MGG readers? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE!

Leave your questions / suggested topics here in the comments section and we’ll see if we can address those! The juicier the better! Hehehe! Go go go!

** UPDATE ** (11:31 PM) We just finished the podcast recording. It was fun! Some of the questions here were taken up. Thanks to all who left their questions / topics / comments! World Peace, y’all!

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The Closet Badets — here’s a podcast featuring 3 straight-acting gay guys. We were just happily drinking the night away when I proposed we record a simple podcast. And they were game!!! Presenting my 3 new friends — Marco, Dencio, and Paulo. People call them paminta, straight-acting, bi, etcetera. But wouldn’t it be interesting to hear from them about their self-concept? How do they view themselves? What are the stories behind these interesting entities of the gay community? Hear them all here in a special podcast — enjoy listening to these closet badets! Podcast after the jump.
(more…)

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MGG reader Tom rants about how the word “bisexual” is being used and abused by some of our fellow beautiful people in the community. I agree with Tom in the sense that we really should call a spade a spade; I somewhat differ in the sense that we should sometimes give our fellow PLUs some slack — we ourselves know how difficult the process of coming to terms with one’s homosexuality can be, thus this temporary phase of “confusion” is forgivable.

What is unacceptable though is the idea of treating anyone as inferior because of any of these labels, just like what Tom said, which I paraphrase for accuracy: “Sad that some straight people look down upon us in disdain, sadder still that amongst ourselves, we do the same.”

And this goes as much for the out-and-about gay guys bashing the closetted and so-called straight-acting gay guys, as for the butch types bashing “effems.” Guys, let’s all grow up. And let’s help each other grow up as well. Bashing is bashing, and it is simply unacceptable behavior. Let’s open our hearts a bit, look at our brothers in the community peering through the visible outer shell of how they dress up (nakataas ang kuwelyo, ultra-fitting baby tees, naka-skinny jeans, etc.), or how they talk (modulated “tol!”, “pre!”, “bro!”, or the fabulousity of “chuva!” “chenes”, “chenelyn everlu”). Gay, boy, bakla, tomboy — we’re all human beings that deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. With this in mind, we will know how to conduct ourselves as respectable and dignified persons, and we will know too how to treat others appropriately, always observing the ethic of reciprocity, more popularly known as the Golden Rule — “treat others as you would like to be treated.”

Hi Migs,

I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time, and at first i have to admit, it was because of the half naked men. But after time, I’ve seen past that and now it’s the written content that matters (plus the half naked men). Anyway, I’ve decided to email you just so I can get a few things off my chest. Please forgive the foul language… as I said I am venting.

Gay… What Does It Mean?
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I met 2 new friends recently, and let’s call them Tisoy and Chinoy.

Tisoy is a stocky young fellow, yellow-skinned, talkative and articulate, yet masculine in manners. He’s a size-queen top, relatively active in his sex life, and lots of secrets in the closet. I met him online.

Chinoy is a US-bred Pinoy who looks Chinese, sounds American, has Spanish lineage, and speaks Tagalog like a typical Amboy. He’s a cool boy-next-door type, the kind of guy you’d take home to Momma, but has some impish tricks hidden somewhere in his system. He’s Tisoy’s online friend.

Both Tisoy and Chinoy are finegreat-looking and straight-acting gay guys. Tisoy, Chinoy, and I all met for the first time one October night. (And no, they did not know I was Migs, the Manila Gay Guy.)

Previous to the meeting, we have not exchanged pictures so it was really our first time to see each other. When we met, and started talking, there was obviously some tension. At first I thought, is this what they call “sexual tension”? I knew then for sure, even given the fact that there were 3 of us, that somehow the palpable tension had to be addressed. Guess what happened that night?

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Straight-Acting Gay Guy (SAGG): �What pisses me off the most about being a straight-acting, naturally butch gay guy is that it�s so hard to find a partner.�

Migs: �Isn�t that the case for all, whatever gay flavor you are, whatever gender even?�

SAGG: �True. But for straight people, a straight guy for example would know exactly if someone is a girl, their target. For me it�s so difficult to know if someone is in fact like me, a straight-acting gay guy. Unless of course I meet him in a chatroom like #bi-manila in MIRC. And chatting is so time consuming. Ang dami pang fakers. Sayang sa oras!�

Migs: �Well, I guess we can consider your issue as a fact of life. Can I say, �just live with it�?�

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First it was Gus, the gay man who has a wife who doesn’t know, 2 beautiful daughters, and one gay querida boyfriend…

Then the guy whom I burned phone lines with… the same one who dedicated the song “You Give Me Something.”

Then the other guy (friends with Gus) who I slept with one Friday night, only to find out the following Tuesday that he was married (I saw them together in Baclaran!)

All these happened within a span of just 1 month. Now fate has it for me to be dating Zander, another straight-acting, confused, gay man.

On the one hand, I tell myself, “feeling beauty queen ka ha! Ang haba ng hair!” But thinking about it more, I feel I am just wasting my precious, precious time as a single gay man. But that is not the point I wanted to make.
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