Manila Gay Guy
  • facebook

Would you read a letter from a 23-year-old guy, fat, has man-boobs, and lacks self-confidence? I would. Because such a guy reeks of humanity — he is the everyman, the norm, the average guy, the real thing, who, given the descriptions, is at the core still nothing but the same as us — looking for love, searching for “The One” and dreaming of a happy ever after. Come on, read.

* * *

Hi Migs,

I was browsing through the net and i saw your blogs. It’s my first time to actually write to someone about my what i feel. I wanted to lighten my load.
I am a 23 yr. old guy, fat, has man boobs, lacks confidence, amongst other negative qualities. Single and i’ve been searching for something in my life. I’m in a state where i don’t want to accept the fact that i think i’m gay because i don’t want to be one. and i really want to have a family of my own in the near future. But the thing with me is that ever since i was a kid, people regarded me as gay, which i think really affected me a lot since then. I didn’t mind them but as i grew up i started to feel a different feeling i began to like the body of men that are really well toned. I started to fantasize about them, and now i have hired the so-called “masseurs”.
Every time i set up an appointment with a masseur i really get excited and aroused but when the time comes that i’m in the actual meet i don’t feel anything anymore and i feel like i’m just wasting my money. Why could that be? and i was thinking that i might just need someone to talk to about what i’m feeling and going through. I’m really confused when i look at the body of a man i really want to touch it and feel it but when i’m there i don’t want to do it because i feel that it’s not right and it seems yucky doing that… am i gay or am i just insecure with the body of a well toned man…
But i have tried fucking another man and it felt odd. Someone has sucked me already and it felt good for a while then after that i didn’t want to do it again. i’ve also tried sucking and i don’t feel it. All these things i only fantasize of doing but in reality i don’t like it.
Is it still possible for me to have a girlfriend?

hope to hear form you!

Sincerely,
S.C.

* * *

Dear S.C.,

Allow me to answer your question: “Is it still possible for me to have a girlfriend?”

The answer is yes. But I would follow up with a question — is that really what you want?

I’d encourage you to continue piling up questions, so you can be challenged enough to know your self more. To be more self-aware. I’d hate to see you rush yourself into an answer. As in many things, rushing doesn’t exactly produce the truth. Maybe a convenient version of it, but not the whole, unadulterated truth. And you don’t want that, right?

You would want the real score. Who are you? What do you really want? What is your preference? What would make you happy deep down? What would make you feel this life is actually worth living, despite all the hardship? Take hold of yourself, take hold of your life. Be aware of your past programming (“You’re nothing but a gay boy, so be a gay boy!”) and put a stake in the ground — you are who you decide you are! People will always have opinions, but if you are strong enough with your self-concept, you do not need to kowtow to their opinion of you.

If you are sincere in this self-awareness exercise, you will definitely encounter questions that aren’t easy, yet there is no rush in answering them. Take as much time as you need. What is important is that you are on that road to self-awareness. Discover yourself bit by bit, day by day, little by little, breath by breath,… and trust that one day you will be blessed with an inexplicably clear understanding of yourself, an awareness that you never even dreamed you could possibly have. Be open, and be trusting. Your epiphany will come soon. Meanwhile, continue questioning.

And continue truly loving yourself — by embracing who you are, who you really are, not your weight, height, or man-boobs. Remember, you are much, much more than these things.

Be your best self always,

migs_signature.jpg
one1pixel

Do you remember Ria? She is the very first woman MGG letter sender that I featured here in my blog. Her dilemma was about her husband who had a rich, gay lover. Her email to me was entitled “How can I compete with a rich gay man?” To refresh your memory, here’s her letter:

womanwrites

(For the full letter, click here.)

* * *

I thought of checking up on Ria, really curious about what has happened to her and her Ram. Here’s her letter to me.

Hi Migs,

I’m fine, and doing good, so far.

I’ve been trying to look for your blog and from what I saw months ago, if I remember it right, it was shut down. But now, with your message, I tried to look again and wow, you’re still on.

It was not a happily ever after. It was only early last year when I gave up on Ram and when I realized that he was never mine. And God knows how hard I prayed that he’ll choose me, but he didn’t. And worst, he didn’t make a choice. But I had to make one.

As for Ram and Andy, I do not know if they are still together. Ram’s in Dubai and I do not know if Andy still follows him there. Andy would do everything to stay and be with Ram.

Ram still emails me and we talk but I have never asked him about his personal relationships nor Andy.

I’m sorry but if I managed to find you last year, out of my anger and despair, I could have written you a letter lashing out selfish gay men. But I have accepted what happened and moved on. (Buti na lang kung hindi baka hate mail naipadala ko sa iyo. Hihi!)

I just hoped that my story would somehow enlighten some of your readers, who happens to be in my situation, whether straight or gay – that a third wheel in a relationship never works. And for some guys who happen to have married boyfriends, please think of the wife and her children. What you don’t know won’t hurt you – it is true up to some point, but when it comes out, it hurts a lot.

Btw, I wish I could write all the things that happened two years ago. But when I’m ready, I will.

Cheers,
Ria

PS: I’m dating a high school teacher now. He is not as handsome as Ram, (talagang may comparison eh noh? but he’s still single at 35, any chances that he’s gay? Haha!

* * *

Dear Ria,

The most important thing is that you “have accepted what happened and
moved on.” I think you really have — you’re dating na nga! Hehehe!

I wouldn’t say the guy you’re dating is gay — I think you have enough
experience to judge him for yourself.

I wish you the best of luck Ria. You deserve a good life.

All the best,
Migs